


Look After You

by Greed69



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Hurt Steve, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Does What He Wants, M/M, Past Torture, Possessive Bucky Barnes, Possessive Steve, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Avengers (2012), Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve, Slow Burn, Steve Feels, Steve Has Issues, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers as the Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-03-21 07:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3682506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greed69/pseuds/Greed69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky did not fall off that train, Steve did. Now Steve is presumed dead; however, the body was never recovered and they never stopped searching. </p><p>Bucky was the one to crash the plane and stop Red Skull; they found his body seventy years later covered in ice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

_**'He's still alive...! Someone contact Director Fury immediately...!'** _

The SHIELD emergency room is now bustling with energy; they had finally recovered Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Captain Steven Grant Rogers, however, has yet to be found... 

They had found Zola's plane that James crashed over seventy years ago during World War Two. They had all thought he was dead and his body just a pile of frost bitten bones. They were all wrong; the body was preserved perfectly and he seemed as if he was merely sleeping. James' body was curled around the shield that Captain America had used before his untimely death right around the time of the plane crash. It was debated, when he was first found, whether he was trying to protect the shield or if he was using the shield to protect his body. 

**_'He has been incased in ice for over seventy fucking years! How in the hell is his heart still bleeding!'_ **

**_'Look his body temperature is starting to rise! Keep chisling the ice! Start with the face and chest!'_ **

It was decided that they were to get James out of the ice and see where to go from there. They don't even exactly know of James will awaken or not, and if he does they don't know if he will be the same as before he was frozen. Plus they don't know how long it will take him to wake up; the doctors like to believe that James was merely sleeping in the ice and not in a full fledged coma. It would be preferable than having to wait for James to snap out of a coma that may last another seventy years, and without the ice he would age like any other comatose paitent. 

_**'Barnes heartbeat is steadily raising as well as temperature and bodily functions.'** _

_**'Left arm is missing...!'** _

_**'How the hell did you miss that before?!'** _

_**'The shield was covering it plus hes fucking covered in thick opaque glass!! Don't fucking snap at me, it's a minor mistake anyone could make it...!'** _

_**'We don't have time for mistakes!'** _

James left arm was severed up at the shoulder joint; the doctors don't quite understand how he was able to live with an injury such as that. The arm has not been recovered yet but they speculate that either it's in the frozen ship or it was lost in the sea. Either way there is no way to reattach the served limb back onto James body.

 **_'_ ** _**'It's time to begin the Operation Cyber now...'** _

They begin by strapping the paitent down onto the bed, after the defrosting process is finished. Then they apply the sedative and anesthetics into the paitent and the IV's. James is unable to feel when they begin the incision along his shoulder and across his chest. The blood is still slightly frozen inside the body so the bleeding isn't as profuse as it usually would be for regular paitents, but the farther inside they go the warmer it gets.

They cut through muscles in his chest and begin to reinforce his spine so his body will be able to support the weight of his new apendage. James will need to devote a good amount of time to get used to the cybernetic arm.

Once they have the plates adjusted and screwed into his spine they move onto welding some support onto his shoulder, clavicle,  and left ribs. The blood, by now, has begun to heat up and ooze at fast rates from the sliced up muscles and veins; the doctors then begin to work faster with attaching the arm and wires onto nerve endings so James will be able to feel and move it like his right arm. Once they have all of it in its place they begin to stitch and staple the medically-inflicted wounds closed. Once James is safely healing, they begin to rewire the arm on the inside so it can be ready to use once he awakens.

_**'Why are we even doing this? Barnes may not even wake up, this is all a waste of time and supplies.'** _

_**'Directors orders, plus there's as much of a chance of his awakening as there is of him not. Have a little more faith, if he lived through fucking ice and a plane crash, I'd be surprised if he died because of defrosting and surgery.'**_

* * *

"How is our paitent doing?" Nick Fury asked as he strode across the control room with his long black coat billowing behind him.

"He's still asleep if that means anything to you," Agent Hill remarked easily as she surveyed the cameras that watched over James Barnes room. 

"I can tell that much," Fury narrowed his eye.

"The doctors predict he should be waking up soon," Hill stated and turned her chair towards him, "what do you suppose we do when he wakes up? He's been asleep for seventy years and the last thing he knew he was surrounded by enemies that were determined to kill him."

"Well let's break it to him gently."

"How are we going to do that? He was a soldier, a sniper. He isn't going to be easy to fool."

"Then don't try to fool him."

Agents began to set up a room that came right out of James time. They were even able to grab a radio and play a baseball game. Next thing they did was roll James into the awaiting room and wait for the Sergeant to awaken from his deep sleep.

"What about his arm? That seems pretty technologically advanced to me and I'm sure it'll completely throw off any sense of normality to him," Hill inquired. 

"Cast it, and make sure no metal is showing. Keep it dormant as well, makes it easier on us if he decides to attack." The agents go in a begin to craft the cast around James new cybernetic arm after they disable it temporarily.

Fortunatly James began to stir after the mold had dried. He began to mutter small words about an hour after that and soon enough he was opening his eyes.

"Sergeant Barnes? Can you hear me?" A nurse asks James sweetly as she stands right beside him checking his pulse.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Hill asks slowly watching the scene from the monitors. 

"No," Fury answers honestly with a hard face watching closely. 

"Lights....too bright....," James answers the nurse trying to hide his face.

"You'll adjust Sergeant Barnes," the nurse giggled softly.

"Bucky...," he croaked out licking his lips. 

"Alright, how are you feeling Bucky?"

"Like I've been hit by a train...-" his eyes suddenly shot open and he quickly sat up, "Steve..! Where is Steve..?!"

"Mister Barnes please settle down you'll hurt yourself," the nurse said and, unknowingly to Bucky, hit the panic button that was installed for if Bucky became unstable. 

"He's dead isn't he...? Please tell me you found the body..." he pleaded looking at her, "his mother would be so upset if she found out they will be burying anew empty casket next to her..."

"Please calm down, you've just..-" the nurse started until she was cut off by Bucky's face suddenly hardening and jumping out of the bed. He stood glaring at the radio as he listened to the baseball game play on.

"What the hell is all of this? Where am I?"

"You're in a recovery room in New York City."

"Bullshit, I was at that game in May 1941. Now seriously where am I...?" He began to glare and tried to move his left arm but quickly realized it wouldn't move. His eyes began to widen as adrenaline pumped through his system. The agents came in at that moment and Bucky quickly got into a defensive position.

"Mister Barnes wait-" the nurse was cut off again when Bucky charged the guards. He quickly slammed his fist into one of the agents stomach, elbowed another in the nose, and rushed at the last one. He slammed the agent straight through the wall and confusion flitted across his face once he looked around. It only lasted a second, then he began to run and barreled his way through the doors. 

"Code 13; we need all agents. I repeat Code 13; we need all agents," the nurses voice echoed throughout the speaker system as Bucky ran and avoided the agents who were throwing themselves at him. Bucky found it odd that they weren't shooting at him, HYDRA wouldn't have hesitated to shoot him if he got loose. 

Finally he got out of the building only to be surrounded by a world he had never seen before. Bucky realized he didn't have time to figure out where he was; he needed to get away quickly from the pursuing agents behind him. He began to run and push through the crowds of confused bodies of New York City.

He was able to scale a building using the balcony and the occasional steps for support. Bucky was smarter than most about hiding, he was a sniper and he couldn't afford to be seen in that line of work. You learn pretty quick how to outsmart the people you were hiding from. 

Bucky started to become irritated by his lack of movement in his left arm and the nuisance that was the cast. He found a particularly sharp piece of rusty metal, that may or may not have been a pipe to begin with, and started to saw through the cast. He didn't get very far until he saw the shiny piece of metal where his arm was supposed to be; he dropped the rusty pipe remnant with a gasp and clamped his hand over his mouth. His heart began to beat faster than average, he could hear it in his ears, and he had to physically calm his breathing before he began to hyperventilate.  

"W-What the hell happened to me...?" He gasped with wide eyes. The state of panic didn't last long though, he snapped out of it like any good soldier would. "Calm down Bucky... calm.... down..." 

The wind suddenly whipped across the roof he was resting on and his body shuddered. Bucky realized the state of dress he was in at that moment: he was wearing a thin white shirt with an familiar SSR logo across the chest and a pair of brown slacks. He wasn't prepared for the cold wind...or the rain that suddenly decided to commerce pouring down upon him.

Bucky sighed and just sat there letting it soak him completely. He sat there thinking about what he remembered last but he avoided thinking about....  _that._ He remembered fighting that HYDRA bastard and the feeling of relief when he defeated him. He remembered feeling placated now that he had gotten vengeance and that he didn't fear death anymore. He was complete and he remembered talking to Peggy Carter over the intercom as he tried to navigate the damn plane. 

* * *

 

_"Come in this is Sergeant Barnes speaking, I repeat come in," Bucky spoke into the intercoms as he surveyed the damage caused to the ship._

_"Bucky is that you?" Peggy's concerned voice filtered through, "are you alright?"_

_"Peggy, Schmidt is dead," Bucky replied._

_"What about the plane?"_

_"That's a bit harder to explain," he sighed._

_"Fine, give me your coordinates so I can give you a safe landing spot."_

_"There isn't going to be a safe landing.... or much of a landing.... it'll mostly be a crash and fire, " he tried to weakly joke. He was deeply wounded and Schmidt had completely severed his arm using Steve's old shield. He was bleeding profusely and the color had already drained from his face._

_"You could at least try Bucky... Steve wouldn't want this for you," Peggy pleaded._

_"There isn't enough time, it's moving too fast and is heading straight for New York. I'm gonna try to force it down."_

_"Please don't do this, we have time we can work it out."_

_"I'm gonna put her in the water... Steve would want me to save as many people as possible.... the good of the many outweighs the good of the one," Bucky chuckled as he held the shield close to himself and guided the plane downwards._

_"Steve would want you to live.."_

_"I'm already dead Peggy.... Take care of yourself Peggy and live your life-" Bucky was cut short and static filtered through Peggy's side of the intercom._

_"Bucky....?" her voiced cracked as she pleaded for the voice to continue speaking on the otherside. "Please..."_

 

* * *

 

After that conversation all Bucky could remember was bone deep cold... he remembered holding the shield close to his chest with his remaining arm because he knew how much the shield meant to Steve. Also... in a way... He was gonna die with Steve by his side.

Bucky was interrupted by the soft thud of a pair of footsteps and he slowly got to his feet preparing for a fight. The perpetrator soon morphed into a beautiful red-head that walked towards him slowly; she walked as if she was approaching a feral animal. 

"Sergeant Barnes? My name is Natasha," she said smoothly, "I'm here-"

"I know why you're here and I want you gone," he growled cutting her off. 

"What are you gonna do with only one operating arm?" she cocked her head to the side. 

"Don't patronize me, just because you're a pretty dame doesn't mean I won't knock your ass out cold," his body began to tense up waiting to pounce like in the army, only this time he was unarmed.

"You think I'm pretty?" She grinned but quickly held her hands up in defense when Bucky began to stalk towards her," I'm only joking, I'm here to answer your questions and take you back to SHIELD." Bucky stilled at that.

"What is SHIELD?"

"Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. It was founded by some of your closest friends: Peggy Carter and Howard Stark."

"But... last time I checked Howard was just an engineer and Peggy was an agent...."

"Sergeant Barnes, you've been asleep for almost seventy years."

"Bucky...," he didn't know what else to say.

"Alright Bucky, will you come with me now? You've got a lot to catch up on plus it's kind of wet out here," she said with a half smile.  

Bucky follows her in a daze...  _'seventy years...'_

"We never found him," Natasha snapped him out of his thoughts and suddenly his throat restricted with renewed guilt he thought he had resolved. I guess killing your....best friend's....killer doesn't warrant a guilt-free conscience. "We did have to bury an empty casket next to Ms. Sarah Rogers, it took us seventy years to find you. I don't think we will ever find _his_ body. I'm not gonna apologize because I think you've heard enough of that already and you'll be hearing even more of it once we get back."

"Thanks...I guess," he mumbled as she led him back into the same building he fled earlier. 

"Alright what do you remember?" Fury asked bluntly once they had Bucky sit down with a fresh set of clothes. 

"No, I'm the one asking questions," Bucky growled narrowing his eyes at Fury. 

"Sergeant Barnes-," Agent Hill started. 

"And I swear to fucking god if I hear someone call me that one more time today I'm gonna snap," Bucky interrupted her slamming his operational hand on the table. "I want answers and I want them now, I'm not answering yours until you answer mine."

"Fine," Fury growled. 

"What year is it?"

 "You can do math can't you?" Fury answers and Bucky stands up quick enough that it surprises the agents and they all whip out their guns. 

"Don't fucking play games with me!!! I'm not in the mood for this!!! I have, apparently, just woken up from a seventy year sleep from a plane crash that I had intended to be my death!!! I'm in a world I have no fucking clue about surrounded by dumbass strangers!!! I'm having to relive a guilt that I had intended to be gone once I crashed that plane and now you have the audacity to fuck around with me!!! My emotions are all over the place and I have no qualms with jumping over this shitty table and strangling you!!!," Bucky rants and glares darkly at Fury, "now answer my god damn question!"

"It's 2011," Hill answered softly and Bucky quickly slumped back in his seat as reality hit him. 

"We won the war," Natasha supplied.  

"But at what costs....," he mumbled to himself and slowly gathered himself back together sitting up straighter, "what the hell is on my arm...? Schmidt practically ripped my old one off.

"It's a Cybernetic arm that should function just like your right arm, it's connected directly to your nerve endings just like your former one," Fury replied. 

"Why doesn't it work now?"

"We shut it down before you woke up because we predicted you'd do exactly what you did," Hill crossed her arms.

"Reboot it."

"Hill go grab the engineer and bring them in here," Fury ordered. 

"Where's Peggy and Howard?"

"Howards dead, but he left behind a son. His son Anthony is middle-aged by now and Peggy is still alive but in hospice care. She is very old and was able to live out an entire life that was devoted to searching for your body and Steves," Natasha replied.

"How did Howard die...?"

"....Car crash."

"You don't sound very sure about that," Bucky frowned at Natasha as the engineers filed in and began to work on his arm.

"There's speculation that is was an assassination, not a car crash," Fury informed. 

"What about the Howling Camandos?"

"All dead."

"So I'm all that's left... other than Peggy," Bucky whispered to himself and suddenly his face began to harden, "You can ask your questions now."

"What's the last thing your remember?" Fury asked over the sound of wires and gears being corrected inside the arm.

"Speaking to Peggy and then nothing. All I felt was cold and everything was silent and dark."

"What did she say?"

"She begged me to hold on and to wait for help, but I was already dying. I could feel it, do I decided if I was gonna die then I might as well go out with a bang," he joked weakly. 

"How did you survive?"

"I wasn't really planning on it, so I honestly don't know. I know, I should be dead right now. By the way where is Steve's shield?"

"Locked up in SHIELD's storage," Hill informed.

"I want it back." 

"You can't have it back, it is SHIELD property," she denied.

"No the hell it isn't, it was Steve's," Bucky gritted out. 

"Go get it Hill, It's Barnes now," Fury commanded.

"Yes sir," Hill exited the room once again. 

"We did a little research with your blood, cells, and over all DNA and we found something interesting," Fury slapped a file across from Bucky. 

"I dropped out of highschool," Bucky dead panned looking from the file and back to Fury.

"That's your doublehelix-" Fury started.

"Yet again, highschool drop out. Make it simpler," Bucky cut him off. 

"That's your DNA," Fury glared daring Bucky to cut him off again," and it seems that it has been tampered with."

"I already know that but I kind of 'died' before they could tell me what exactly was done to me."

"So you know? "

"Not the specifics but yeah. I was captured, I'm assuming you already know that, and I was experimented on by that bastard midget Zola. He did something to me but, like I said, I wasn't around long enough to be informed on exactly what was done."

"You seem to have gotten implanted with a bastardized version of the serum Steve had," Fury explained, "which could very well explain why you lived through a crash and seventy years of being frozen."

"That explains a lot I guess..."

"What do you mean?" Natasha frowned.

"Well after that was all done, I was a bit stronger and faster than usual. I was able to keep up with Steve in combat and speed. It used to freak out the other guys but it always cracked Steve up, I think it made him feel less alone when he saw someone could keep up. It didn't make him any less awkward with his new body though," Bucky laughed fondly but it was cut short when an engineer did something to make Bucky hiss with pain.

"Done," the engineer huffed out and left the room. As soon as the man left Bucky began to move his new fingers.

"This is very odd... but pretty damn cool," Bucky whispered and accidentally dented the table with barely any effort.

"The serum in your system isn't anywhere close to Steve's though, it's merely an attempt to copy his...," Natasha said. 

"Of course it was to copy Steve... Everyone wanted Steve because he was one of the greatest men alive..... it should have been me who fell..." Bucky whispered with a sad smile and laid his head on the table.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets Mr. Anthony Stark... things don't go too well. Nat and Bucky bond over Steve stories as Bucky tries to recover from waking up. Clint is also introduced... things go alot better to say in the least.

"Bucky we would like to introduce you to Mr. Stark," Hill spoke from across the room Bucky was currently occupying as he waited for SHIELD to find him a new place of residence. 

"It's more along the lines of Tony pestering us to let him meet with you until we finally cracked when he threatened to download a porn virus onto out mainframe," Natasha rolled her eyes from her spot across from Bucky. 

"You're only angry because you know I'm not bluffing," a man laughed walking into the room just as Hill decided to exit the room when she got a message from one of her coworkers.

He held his head up high in an egotistical manner but his body showed the opposite. The man had sunken in eyes, like he never slept, and he was holding a cup of coffee which was probably the only reason he was awake. His hands seemed to be singed and his nails where black around the edges from what looked like grease. The man was every bit Howards son.

"No, I'm only angry that Fury has denied me your murder," Natasha narrowed her eyes playfully. 

"Oh don't be like that," he grinned as Bucky stood up. 

"So you're Anthony Stark, nice to meet you," Bucky held his hand out as a polite gesture. 

"Just Tony, Anthony sounds too formal," Tony replied shaking Bucky's hand, "Formal isn't my style."

"You look just like your father," Bucky said letting go of Tony's hand. 

"Let's skip the whole father thing," Tony's eyes hardened as he kept the smile. "So you're Sergeant Barnes? They all claimed you were dead but in reality you were the popsicle Sleeping Beauty."

"Call me Bucky, like you I don't feel comfortable with James," Bucky sat back down, "or Sergeant."

"I like him," Tony looked at Natasha, his face softening again, "I guess after seventy years of dormancy the whole military thing gets old huh?"

"I guess..."

"So how are you adjusting to the new age?"

"I don't really know, I've just been sitting here since I woke up. I think they're letting me 'adjust' to all the information I was given when I woke up a few days ago."

"I heard you actually made Fury sweat, nice job there. They probably would have never found you if they hadn't brought in Natasha," Tony beamed with pride at his new associate.

"I wasn't hidden very well, they could havery found me easily if they looked close enough..."

"He was hidden above ground, in the shadows, and he was curled up behind the ledge," Natasha supplied,  "He didn't even make a noise, the only reason I found him was because I heard the quiet sound of him sawing through the cast."

"Oh yeah, I had forgotten that you have a new toy," Tony quickly looked upon the sleeve and glove that was covering his new apendage. "Lemme see."

Bucky was informed of Tony briefly by Natasha before he showed up. He knows about his suits and he known Tony is a genius, but he also knows he acts egotistical and is reckless and borderline narcissistic. Bucky hasn't really made up his mind about Tony yet though; the man was kind of a whirlwind and hard to keep up with. 

"I think I'll pass," Bucky replies as he flexes the fingers of his left arm. 

"You don't trust me?" Tony raises an eyebrow.

"I've been away for seventy years only to wake up in a new century full of sketchy things and people, what do you think?"

"I think you're paraniod."

"I'm not paraniod, it's called being cautious and wary."

"You seem pretty paranoid and anxious to me," Tony pushed.

"I'm not gonna stop him if he throttles you Stark," Natasha commented as she sat back and watched the two men.

"I'm making friends Nat, so hush," Tony waved her off.

"I warned you."

"So how did Cap die?" Tony bluntly asked and Bucky went rigid.

"What did you just ask...?" Bucky choked out.

"Stark..." Natasha warned sensing the change in Bucky.

"How did good ol' patriotic Captain America die? Shouldn't the serum have saved him from death?" Tony continued ignoring her. 

"I'm sure they published all about it in the papers...," Bucky swallowed thickly trying to keep himself calm.

"Yeah maybe seventy years ago, I'm no where near that old plus you witnessed it didn't you? Howard said you came back shaken and angry as hell."

"I don't want to talk about this..."

"Come on just fill in this one measly thing for me, you know I hate being left in the dark. I'm not used to not knowing, it's quite unsettling. It's just one event."

"Just one event?!" Bucky exploded standing up leaving dents in the chair from his metal grip, "Do you not understand relationships?! Have you never been attached someone and then have them ripped away in front of your eyes?! Of course you haven't!!! You're just a lonely playboy with daddy issues and a whole lot of money!! Don't ever speak that way about Steve again... Now leave me alone...!" Bucky turned away walking to the bathroom and leaving a shocked Natasha and a confused/pissed off Tony behind.

"Has he been tested yet...?" Tony asked once the door was slammed shut.

"Yeah," Natasha sighed.

"And?"

"It was confirmed, but he doesn't know about it. Keep in mind, in the forty's they chalked it all up to being she'll shocked. They didn't know of PTSD."

"I guess I can't really stay mad at him then," Tony chuckled slightly.

"Plus you need to work on your people skills."

"I still like him though, I wouldn't mind working with him. He seems quick on his feet and a good asset."

"There's a reason they drafted him so quickly during World War Two." 

"Has he met Barton yet?"

"Your his first visitor other than me, Fury, and Hill."

"Well you may wanna wait a bit for anymore introductions," Tony grinned and straightened out his shirt, "Well I should be off, I'll come back and visit you two soon."

* * *

It took Natasha about two hours to coax Bucky out of the bathroom and another one to get him to speak to her again. She would have left him in there if it hadn't been for the doctors demanding to check up on him; she knows how much alone time is needed for a soldier. 

"You seem to be doing fine, are you sleeping fine?" the doctor inquired.

"Yes," Bucky replied letting them do what they needed to. 

"Eating okay?"

"Yes."

"Are you having any trouble breathing?"

"No."

"Any problems with motion or anything I should know about?"

"No."

"Alright," the doctor patted his arm and went out the door to converse with the agents being used for communication with the Director. 

"Shouldn't you be doing something else other than baby sitting? Peggy was never allowed to sit still for long..." Bucky asked quietly slowly looking over to Natasha. 

"Not really, I'm sure if they really need me they'll come yank me away," Natasha shrugged, "Tired of me already Barnes?" 

"Not yet," he cracked a small smile and slowly began to uncoil. 

"So I'm guessing you didn't care much for Stark?" She smirked. 

"Steve would have hated him...but Steve usually hated all of his best friend's at first. I use to piss him off terribly when I first met him," Bucky spoke in a daze but quickly snapped out of it and rolled his left shoulder. 

"What was Steve like? I've heard many different versions but none of them knew him like you did."

"He was a punk in simple terms," Bucky smiled sadly, "He was too noble for his own good...he was always putting his nose where it shouldn't be and getting his ass beat for it. Steve always found trouble and hated to be saved from it. He liked to tell me he had them on the ropes and he'd smile with blood gushing from his nose and his eyes as black as ash."

"So he was a trouble maker?" Natasha asked in disbelief.

"More than you know," he chuckled, "I was always having to save his ass from fights and getting him out of trouble. He was a good boy though, his mother raised him right... He was an artist as well... I like to think that if the war hadn't of broken out he would have been able to get as famous as Picasso. Steve was real good and he was smart too, his life should have been so much better... if only I had worked harder."

"From what I hear, if you had worked any harder you would have killed yourself," Natasha countered and Bucky sighed. 

Natasha actually began to grow fond of Bucky, of course she'd rather die than admit it out loud. He was a good man and he had a kind heart. However, in her eyes he was too loyal and he was too hard on himself. She found she actually tries to comfort Bucky instead of watching him suffer in silence like she had done in the past with other paitents. 

"I'm sure Steve would have liked you, he always did have a soft spot for strong women," Bucky laughed softly, "you're like Peggy."

"I'm glad to hear that the heart of all good in america would have probably liked me," she chuckled and they settled into a comfortable silence.

"How are you able to put up with Tony," Bucky suddenly broke the silence startling Natasha out of her thoughts, not that anyone could tell she was startled.

"He's an acquired taste," she joked,"But in all seriousness,  he doesn't mean to be pushy like that. He just honestly doesn't understand and by the time he does its already too late. He understands machines, not humans or emotions."

"He sounds exactly like his father," Bucky sighed in exasperation, "Howard was terrible at knowing boundaries, he knew machines though. He used to absolutely piss me off when I first met him though, Steve is the only reason we became friends."

"You may have noticed before but try to avoid anything that deals with his father in front of Tony. "

"Oh I noticed."

"He completely shuts down when father's or childhood is brought into a conversation."

"Howard must have really fucked up at one point..."

"Why did you hate Howard so much to begin with?"

"He was an absolute self-absorbed dick...," Bucky groaned rubbing his face, "he rubbed me the wrong way the first time I met him. He acted all high and mighty; he completely blew off anyone who in his eyes wasn't important. Steve caught his attention though and the two became pretty close. It became apparent that if you could actually get Howard to notice you, he could be a pretty nice person. But damn it was hard..."

"Sounds like Tony alright."

"When Howard started to warm up to me he'd want me around constantly, I remember him being kind of like a lost puppy. But at the same time he was one of the most determined and independent men I've ever met. Howard was a complicated person but he only couldn't stand being alone; he never told me why but it completely unnerved him to be isolated and by himself. That may be the reason why Steve was so adamant about me pushing away my initial thoughts of Howard."

* * *

The apartment chosen for Bucky was too  _big._ It made him feel uncomfortable and he just didn't like it. Plus the contents within it just felt wrong and it hurt to look at. Of course he didn't have a choice in the matter-...Well that's a lie, Bucky had a choice but all of SHIELD's choices would feel  _wrong._

"This is the kitchen and we have already stocked up the cabinets and refrigerator with anything you might need," the agent that was assigned to give him a tour drawled on. 

"I know what a kitchen is," Bucky sighed," just show me how this god damned phone works and then I'll be fine."

"Director Fury ordered me to do this and I can't disobey orders," the agent argued and continued on about microwaves stubbornly. 

"I'm tired and I'm sure Natasha could show me, if I needed any help, when she gets back tomorrow," Bucky cut them off again agitated.

"Sergeant Barnes-"

"I'm being nice; now please get out," Bucky started to wave them to the door, "If Fury asks what happened, tell him I kicked your ass out." 

"But-"

"Bye," Bucky replied closing the door in the agents face and locking the door. Bucky really was tired; it has been almost two weeks since he was awoken and they had been two of the longest weeks of his life.

The two weeks were full of: exhausting prying questions, annoyingly long doctor exams, and painful discussions of what he's missed. Now all he wanted was to get away from it all, he couldn't stand being around that for another second. He'd take the horrid apartment over SHIELD's insistent pressing. He has encountered too many full on/almost panic attacks for a life time. 

Now having said that, Bucky refuses to sleep... He doesn't like what he sees and hears when he slips under and he almost always wakes up screaming and covered in sweat. During that first week it scared the doctors so bad that they had to sedate him in case he decided to attack what he presumed where 'enemies'. 

Bucky sat down on the couch in the living room and surveyed his surroundings with a sorrowful look. It felt too empty too him... No one he had to look out for... No one he had to count breaths for to make sure he was breathing properly... No one to nurse back to health when their immune system failed.... No one to warm up when the first of the winter hit...

Completely alone and without Steve Rogers. 

"Stevie...," Bucky sighed as he turned to look at the patriotic shield that was laying on top of the desk.

 Bucky knows he sounds pathetic still grieving over his best friend that has been dead for seventy years... but it still feels like just a couple weeks ago that he watched Steve fall from that train. In his mind he has had barely enough time to process it much less get over it. The grief is still prevalent in his heart and he knows Steve would want him to get over it. He just can't get over the feeling of anguish of being without him.

The one thing he can't stand about this new 'world' is they all want you to talk. Back in the 40's, you sucked up whatever was bothering you and continued on. No one wanted to listen to your problems, they had enough of their own to worry about. Now all anyone wants is him to speak until he can't anymore; they are all too god damn pushy.

**_"Bucky what happened on that train?"_ **

**_"You'd feel better if you spoke your mind."_ **

**_"Mr. Barnes you'd sleep better if you got this off your chest."_ **

**_"Sergeant Barnes, you don't have to act tough. You're surrounded by people who care and will listen to what you need to say."_ **

**_"You aren't alone, just tell me what's bothering you and we can figure it out together."_ **

Bucky knows they are just trying to help him but he can't fucking stand it. He hates it all and wants it to stop; if he wants to talk he will and right now he'd rather die than talk. Plus all he can think is they don't care about him, they just all want the pleasure of fixing Captain America's sidekick. Of course he knows that's bullshit because he can usually tell when someone has underlining motives. He's just being paranoid and over sensitive.

Bucky got off the couch and proceeded to survey his surroundings....and make sure it was safe to occupy. Some habits die hard, like smoking. He located the bathrooms and found the bedroom and guest bedroom. SHIELD actually tried to make him comfortable but the place made his skin crawl; in the end he felt guilty about being so ungrateful for the shelter and had to leave the apartment. He almost mowed down the blonde neighbor in his rush to get out of the building. She said something to him but he ignored her, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets and lowering his head to get out of the building as soon as possible.

His neighbor looked familiar... 

Bucky continued walking until his feet hit very familiar grounds... his old apartment. Everything was run down and in rumbles. The place looked like it had been abandoned around the time Steve and himself were sent into the war.

He slowly walked towards the building and over to the steps leading to his old home. Bucky made his way up the stares and gently kicked over the stone in front of the door.  The key was still there, it was rusty but it still worked. He swung open the door before he could chicken out and run away. The interior looked exactly has they left it, albeit a little dusty. The room looked sad and abandoned. 

Bucky ran his flesh hand along the bookshelf; he avoided using the other in case he broke something. He startled himself when something fell to the ground with a loud thud. He kneeled down and there  _it_ was; Steve's most prized possession: his sketchbook. The book itself looked perfect and untouched. He wondered why Steve didn't take it when he left. 

_"He thought he was coming back...," Bucky thought._

He picked it up with care and turned it in his hands brushing the dust off its exterior.  He didn't dare open it; Steve would never let him see anything unless it was finished. He could only imagine all of the unfinished works inside this book. So he just tucked it into his pockets safely instead. 

Bucky continued walking in a daze as he retraced his steps from seventy years ago. He felt conflicted, he didn't know whether he was angry at the world, saddened at what became of his and Steve's short lives,  or happy this building was still on existence. 

He remembered how fucking hard it was when he lived here; constantly working to cover medical bills, electricity bills, heating, food, clothing, and whatever else he could afford to buy Steve. He remember being bone tired coming home from work late at night, Steve would always stay up until he got home so they could go to bed together. The little punk would always curl around him and lay his head on Bucky's chest listening to his heartbeat. Bucky would run his fingers through Steve's hair until they both fell asleep, and hopefully they would sleep the entire night like that. On bad nights Bucky would wake up with Steve struggling to breathe as his airways began to restrict. Bucky would quickly gather Steve in his arms and calm him as quickly as he could before things became too serious.

Bucky also remembered coming home to Steve bleeding from various areas of his body. Whether it be from his nose, cuts from knives, or marks from concrete or walls. Steve would always get pissed when Bucky told him he had to stop doing that.

**_"They were harassing that poor lady! You just want me to let it happen?!"_ **

**_"No but you shouldn't just go looking for fights all the time Stevie!"_ **

**_"You think I enjoy this and that I just pick any fights I can get?! This hurts Buck! And it will continue to hurt for weeks after this!! I don't do it for pleasure, I do it because it's the right thing to do!"_ **

**_"You can't always be the hero Steve! You need to be more careful..."_ **

**_"If I don't do it, who will?"_ **

That night was an utter pain in the ass, Bucky recalls. Steve had limped home with three broken ribs, a banged up nose, and littered in lacerations from being slammed into various types of rough surfaces. Bucky had cleaned him up and later, as always, they argued. The arguments were inevitable and they were always present after one of Steve's fights. Bucky worried and Steve was reckless when it came to his small body. The fights never lasted long though; Steve would stomp off and ignore Bucky for a certain amount of time depending on the day. Then suddenly Bucky would be laying back on the bed and he would feel a small warm body crawl up next to him. A small whispered apology would reach his ears and Bucky would always smiles softly and kiss his head. 

"I thought I'd might find you here," a voice startled him out of his thoughts. Bucky turned and saw Natasha standing in the door way with a hand on her hip with a half smile on her lips. Behind her was a man with sandy blonde hair and a quiver settled on his back. 

"I guess I'm predictable..," Bucky joked lightly. 

"Very much so," she smirked. 

"Or it could be the fact that you're scary good at what you do Nat," the man drawled with a grin. 

"And what might that be Clint, " she rose an eyebrow.

"Stalking people," he laughed and Bucky couldn't help but chuckle. 

"Ha Ha, you're such a comedian, " she replied unamused. 

"Tell me something I don't know, " he turned away from her to walk to Bucky and hold out his hand, "I'm Clint and you must be Bucky."

"Nice to meet you," Bucky shook his hand and appreciated Clint going straight past formalities. 

"Likewise," Clint looked around, "wow this place looks pretty good for its age, most places like this are already dry rotted and unsafe to be around."

"Yeah, it looks exactly the same too," Bucky commented.

"I think it's pretty damn cool," Clint announced as he wondered around the small apartment. 

"He had the attention span of a squirrel," Natasha sighed, "and the brain to complement it."


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky befriends Clint, he has a brutal nightmare, and Nick Fury is intruduced.

Bucky realized he actually liked Clint; their meeting went alot smoother than the one with Tony. While Tony was overbearingly blunt, Clint was frank but in a more amusing and playful way. In other words Clint knew when to back off and where the boundaries where. 

" I hear you bolted from your new home," Clint accused with a grin.

"Yeah, the place was just a little overwhelming I guess," Bucky shrugged.

"Well everyone has their own triggers, " Clint sat back on the couch with his head back. 

"Clint's trigger is cold pizza," Natasha joked and Clint shot up like a lightning bolt.

"Hey cold pizza is fucking disgusting, " Clint declared, "it's no joking matter Nat."

"I don't think it's that bad," she chuckled.

"Oh wow they actually let you have that?" Clint asked getting up and heading towards the shield. 

"Yeah," Bucky replied as he looked through the books on the bookshelf. 

"Fury must really like you then, he'd never let anyone else keep something that he thought belonged to him. Just ask Tony; he asks for stuff all the time," Clint laughed as he brushed his fingers along the surface of the shield.

"He usually just takes it anyway," Natasha shrugged. 

"You're not wrong," he laughed, "damn this thing is in really good shape after war and being frozen."

"I feel like it's in even better shape than I am and we went through the same shit," Bucky remarked with a lopsided grin.

"I don't know you faired pretty well under all that ice, you sure freaked out alot of doctors when they realized you were alive," Clint grinned, "they were all yelling and panicking."

"Is it weird to say I actually heard them?"

"I don't have experience with being frozen so I don't know."

"Apparently the doctors didn't either," Natasha retorted. 

"That's an understatement," Clint snickered and looked at Bucky, "what else did you hear in the ice?"

"Before the doctors? Nothing, it was silent and dark. I felt like I was asleep most of the time but I assume I was awake at points. I didn't hear everything the doctors were saying. I would wake up at times and then promptly pass out again after a while," Bucky recalled frowning slightly,"I remember being really cold though for a while but it eventually wore off. It began to feel warm after a bit but that may be because I became numb or something like that."

"Have you been pestered by annoyingly curious doctors yet," Clint asked.

"They've tried but usually get frightened off after a while; Steve always like to tell me I was too abrasive with people and that I needed to lighten up," Bucky looked at them, "I don't think I'm abrasive, do you think I am?"

"Honesty? No, but I think you're taking this whole situation a lot better than most of us assumed, " Natasha replied.

"What did you think was going to happen?"

"We thought you were gonna Hulk out," Clint admitted.

"Huh?"

"We will explain it to you later," Natasha glared at Clint and looked back to Bucky," Simplistically we thought you were gonna go off the deep end. Being asleep for seventy years, coming to an entirely different age than you were previously used to, and everyone you ever knew either dead or close to it, was enough for us to be worried."

"I was soldier, it takes a lot more than that to send me off the deep end," he confirmed, "but don't get me wrong, I'm still trying to get situated in this time. Everything feels wrong to me right now and it, at times, makes my skin crawl. But mostly I feel numb, I feel empty at times."

"Okay, I'm gonna be blunt here," Clint started. 

"Wow that's such a surpise," Natasha interrupted with a roll of her eyes And Clint narrowed his eyes. 

"Anyway, what exactly was your relationship ship with Captain America," Clint asked curiously but with a hint of wariness lest Bucky flip out. 

"So you're asking if it was purely platonic and brotherly or was it a step further...?" Bucky asked slowly. 

"Pretty much."

"Well I can't really describe what we had... it was always changing," Bucky admitted, "it usually depended on how we were feeling at the time but we were always close even if it wasn't intimate."

"People always speculated about what kind of relationship you had with him but most dismissed it because they found it easier to accept his relationship with Carter," Clint said.

"It has more evidence," Bucky smiled slightly," Plus I wasn't around as much when he was Captain America.  They didn't even know who I was until he saved me from the labs right before my plunge into the water."

"You know we should start heading back for SHIELD," Natasha spoke up to Clint, "Bucky we will come see you in the morning, try to get some sleep."

"Nice to meet you Bucky," Clint threw a grin his way as the two assassin/spies walked out the front door leaving Bucky behind. 

* * *

"This is the first person they've put you in charge of that I actually like," Clint chuckled as Natasha and him sat in one of the offices in SHIELD. 

"This the first person  _I've_ actually liked," Natasha added sitting on the table with Clint in the chair by her legs. 

"That explains why you insisted on us checking up on him."

"I did not insist, Fury wanted me to introduce you to him."

"Whatever you say Nat," Clint laughed but was cut short when she punched him in the ribs," gah!"

"Don't antagonize me," she said dangerously.

"Just face it Nat, you care about him. You've gained another friend," he smiled slightly rubbing his ribs with a wince. 

"I have not Clint."

"Gaining friends isn't a bad thing, it's not a weakness if that's what you're thinking."

"If I thought friends were a weakness I would have dropped you long ago," she narrowed her eyes. 

"Then why aren't you letting yourself actually admit that you enjoy his company?"

"You know why."

"Are you scared you're gonna get close to him only for you to have to cut ties and ditch him?"

"Clint stick to cracking jokes, serious talk isn't your Forte."

* * *

**_Gunshots echoed through out the train car as Bucky dodged the best he could. Hiding behind what he could, he shot back at the Germans coming at him with advanced weaponry. He heard Zola screaming at them to continue through microphones in their ears._ _Bucky had gotten most of them except one. He kept coming and had Bucky cornered. Then he ran out of bullets and right as he started to panic the door slid open._**

**_Steve threw him a gun and rushed the soldier. The soldier went backwards but quickly got up and aimed at Steve. Bucky shot him straight between the eyes._ **

**_"I had him on the ropes," Bucky tried._ **

**_"I know," Steve agreed when suddenly the door behind them slid open. "LOOK OUT!," Steve grabbed him and pushed Bucky behind himself and the shield. The rebound of, what ever was shot, sent them backwards and separated them. Steve didn't get up as fast as Bucky did, so Bucky grabbed the shield and began to shoot at the enemy to save them both._ **

**_The plan back fired and sent Bucky hurtling outside of the cart. He caught onto one of the pieces of the cart and held onto dear life. Steve shot up, grabbed the shield and threw it as hard as he could at their attacker._ **

**_"Bucky!" Steve yelled over the deafening sounds of the train and started to reach out towards him. "Hang on!"_ **

**_The rail Bucky was holding onto started to give out._ **

**_"Grab my hand!"_ **

**_Bucky reached out as far as he could and Steve was able to grab his hand tightly. Steve swung Bucky back on board the train cart but the momentum was too great. Steve put so much energy into saving Bucky that his grip holding himself up failed him._ **

**_Just as Bucky was able to stand up after being thrown into the cart floor, Steve's hand gave out._ **

**_"Steve!" Bucky screamed out reaching towards him in desperation. Steve was already too far out of reach and his body plummeted towards his snowy grave._ **

**_He didn't even scream. Steve just looked at Bucky in remorse as he fell._ **

**_Bucky sat there in the same position, with his arm positioned as if he was reaching for something, looking at the spot where Steve was previously in shock._ **

**_Steve was dead. He couldn't save him._ **

**_"Steve.." Bucky choked out with a body-wracking sob, "oh god..." He felt like he was going to throw up. He felt alone._ **

Bucky woke up screaming Steve's name and covered in sweating. He looked around wildly panting heavily. He didn't remember where he was for a few painful seconds until it hit him. 

He was in New York City during the year 2011. He was sleeping in his new apartment surrounded surrounded by strange people and even stranger things. The war was over and he was utterly alone: no siblings to take care of, no bills to pay, and no Steve. 

He got out of the bed and went into his bathroom. He splashed cold water onto his face and looked into the mirror. He looked like shit and he felt like it too. In the end he pushed away from the bathroom, grabbed a coat, and left the apartment. 

* * *

A year later Bucky found himself waking up to the exact nightmare that left him panicking and just deeply bothered. Bucky went to go do the same thing he always did when something was bothering him: he beat the shit out of inanimate objects. He was relieved to find out that at least that hadn't been left in his time. 

Bucky couldn't get the image of Steve's broken and battered body covered in snow rotting away alone. He felt like he had abandoned him and left him to die. The fucking scene kept playing out in his head and he hit the pounded on the sandbag even harder. He hoped if he hit hard enough he'd drive the images out of his skull.

 _"Bucky...,"_ Steve's voice whispered in his head. 

Bucky began to pant harder and his heart beat faster. He clenched his teeth and his body tensed up as he delivered one final blow to the bag; the bag tore from it's hinges and slid across the floor leaving a trail of sand behind it where he had busted it. 

"Trouble sleeping?" A voice echoed through the gym and Bucky turned to see Nick Fury watching him.

"I slept for seventy years, I think I've had my fair share of sleep," Bucky grumbled as he set up a new sandbag onto the hooks.

"Then you should be out, celebrating. Exploring the world," Fury walked forward, "Not cooped up in a gym."

"This isn't the world I wanna be apart of," Bucky sighed as he wiped the sweat off his face. 

"Unfortunately for you, you're stuck in it now," Fury spoke honestly holding a folder in his hands.

"What do you want Fury," Bucky asked harshly as he caught his breath.

"A mission," Fury answered.

"Please don't tell me this isn't a ploy to get me out in the world-"

"We're trying to save it."

Fury handed him the folder and Bucky saw a glowing blue cube. He glared at it with disdain.

"HYDRA's secret weapon..."

"This is the key to unlimited energy this world sorely needs, it's called tesseract."

"Let me guess it was stolen from you?"

"By a man named Loki, " Fury informed, "there are a few things we would need to fill you up on, if you're in. The world has gotten even stranger than you know."

"I don't doubt you...," Bucky sighed as he looked around and started gathering his stuff.

"There's a debriefing packet waiting for you in your apartment. Is there anything else we should know about the tesseract?"

"You should have left it in the ocean," Bucky growled as he walked out the door.

 


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky reveals something....unexpected. He is introduced with Bruce when he is picked up from his apartment. Bucky doesn't like heights. Bucky vs. Loki and Thor vs. Tony.

Natasha picked him up from his apartment saying it was time for a meeting; she also strongly advised him to bring the shield. He had a feeling this had to do with what Fury had brought to him and that he was now going to meet the rest of SHIELD's top people. Bucky guesses this means he is deemed stable enough to actually be trusted now. 

"Man don't you look happy today," Natasha joked as the car drove to a location unknown to Bucky. 

"Today just hasn't been my best," he grunted crossing his arms. 

"Can it be classified as your worst, or is it better than the day you woke up?" 

"Oh its definitely better than that."

"Alright what has happened so far? What classifies it as a bad day?"

"I think I saw Steve..." Bucky mumbled with his head down.

"You think you saw him," Natasha asked raising an eyebrow. 

"I know it sounds crazy but I did...," he sighed, "I saw him as I was walking back to the apartment this morning to go wait on you."

"You crash at your old place last night?"

"Yeah, I didn't realize how tired I was until I passed out on the couch..."

"So where did you see him?"

"He was standing in the shadows of an alley, leaning against the wall and watching me. I called his name but he just looked confused and his eyes widened slightly. He began to back away into the shadows once he realized I had noticed him and he ran when I tried to go near him."

"It could have just been-"

"That was Steve," Bucky cut Natasha off with a glare," I know it...."

"Okay, let's imagine that you really did Steve alive and well-"

"He didn't look okay Natasha.... he was alive but he didn't look well...," Bucky admitted. Fear flitted across his expression before it was subdued and replaced with feigned calmness.

"What do you mean?" She looked utterly confused now, she was able to keep up until she saw the fearful expression.

"He looked wrong...," he looked at her with utter despair, "he looked off Nat.... He didn't look like Steve."

"I thought you said you knew it was him," she furrowed her eyebrows.

"It was him but it wasn't Steve."

"That makes no sense Bucky."

"I know it doesn't but I know what I saw."

"Alright... so let's imagine you did see Steve standing there...how do you suppose he lived all these years?"

"I have no clue, I saw him die right before my eyes."

"He died in front of you?"

"Not exactly...," His broke slightly and he cleared his throat, "he fell off a train... and kept falling until I couldn't see him anymore."

"Did you ever have time to look for the body?"

"No I was shipped off right after that day and soon after that I crashed in that ocean. I knew I should have went after him that day... I should have jumped."

"Hey don't be like that right now, we don't even know if what you saw was really there."

"Maybe it was just a trick of my mind... I don't know which would be worse though..."

"What do you mean?"

"Would it be better that it was really a trick of my mind or would it be better if Steve was really there and my hopes got up..?"

"The former sounds less painful," Natasha admitted.  

"You're right..."

"Of course I am, I'm a woman," she joked bringing a small pathetic smile to Bucky's features.

They rode in mostly silence after that; Bucky was hoping that his meeting with the rest of, whatever these people were, was going to go as smoothly as it did with Clint. 

He wasn't excited for meeting up with Tony again.

Once they arrived he didn't really know what to think about the large mass of technology he was standing on. He couldn't decide if he thought it was cool as fuck or if it made him uneasy so he just gave up and decided to stick with Natasha, who had suddenly disappeared only to show back up with a worn out looking man. He looked kind though; he just seemed to be tired.

"Bucky, this is Dr. Banner," Natasha introduced.

"Just call me Bruce," the man spoke kindly.

"Oh, well it's nice to meet you Bruce," Bucky shook his hand and the man let out a small smile. 

"Nice to finally meet you as well Bucky."

"So what exactly is this thing?" Bucky asked once the trio had fallen into a comfortable silence; no matter how comfortable a silence it was Bucky had to break it. Silence meant time alone in his head and he seriously didn't need that right now. "A submarine?"

"Really, they wanna put me in a submerged pressurized metal container..," Bruce remarked incredulously as the hunk of metal began to vibrate within. The agents began to scramble around as sirens were wailing signaling something unknown to a Bucky and Bruce.

Natasha just stood there as she watched the two try to figure out exactly what was going on. Bruce and Bucky even walked over to the edge of the big hunk of metal to try and make sense of what was going on around them. Bruce had advantage though, he knew what to expect of things since he was born and raised in this era; Bucky didn't have that luxury. 

Then the engines started to whirl as the _flying_ metal machine began to lift off and Bucky felt his stomach drop. 

"Oh no this is much worse," Bruce acknowledged as Bucky felt the blood drain from his face. 

Bucky  _hated_ flying or anything to do with leaving the earth. He abhorred it to the extent, not that he'd admit it to anyone, that it was a borderline phobia. The only time he could be talked into any sort of vehicle that went airborne was when Steve was with him. He was utterly fucked.

"Bucky are you okay?" Bruce asked him snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Peachy..," Bucky grunted as he followed Natasha into what she called the helicarrier. 

_"More like fucking death trap,"_ Bucky complained to himself calming himself down.

Inside wasn't as bad, but he still felt terrible and anxious. 

The entire interior was large and colorful. This was probably the best example of how much Bucky had missed over those seventy years; he didn't take it personally though, some people who lived in that era had never seen technology like this either.

As they walked in, Bucky decided to walk with Bruce since he seemed like he was experiencing for the first time as well. Natasha walked on ahead of them comfortably and lead them around the maze that was the ship. Natasha kept looking behind and throwing smug smiles in Bucky's direction. 

"....Protocol 193.6 in effect. We're at level sir," Hill announced from the lower deck.

"Good, let's vanish," Fury affirmed as Hill continued to dictate the agents on her level.

"Look who it is," a voice spoke loudly from behind him and Bucky couldn't help but tense up.

"Tony," Bucky grunted in greeting.

"Don't act like you didn't miss me," He grinned widely with his hand clamped around a cup of coffee. Suddenly he whipped around towards banner with a glint in his eye, "you brought banner in this too?"

"His radiation knowledge is needed," Fury grunted crossing his arms.

"Dr. Banner, your work is unparalleled and I'm a huge fan of the way you loose control and turn into a giant rage monster," Tony beamed shaking hands with Bruce.

"Thanks...," Bruce spoke slowly in surprise and a hint of suspicion. The last time he heard something along the lines of that was probably before he was being pursued by angry officers and overly curious scientists. 

"Where is Clint," Bucky asked quietly to Natasha when Tony decided to wander off and she tensed up slightly; he wouldn't have noticed if she weren't beside him and even then he barely noticed the small hitch in her shoulders and overall posture. 

"He is classified as AWOL at the moment...," she spoke icily.

"At the moment? What-," Bucky was cut off by Fury and he began to fill the group in on details about a....god..?

"Loki," Fury spit the  _god's_ name like it was acid, "has been traced to Stuttgart, Germany. We need all of you to go and intercept him before he causes any bullshit. Understand?" They all nodded quietly except Bruce, he knew he wasn't going. No one once to be in an enclosed space with him and the  _other_ guy....the helicarrier was acceptable to an extent but anything smaller? People get antsy and anxious to get away.

* * *

They get on the mini helicarrier and they're all suited up, Bucky refuses to wear SHIELD attire so they fit him with something resembling his old uniform. Tony went on his own; he shot out of the helicarrier just as soon as he could get his suit on.

The agent, Coulson, kept staring at him. His eyes felt like that were burning holes right through him as he stood there. He was already feeling shitty because, yet again, he has found himself up in the air without any way of reaching the ground without a crushing death. So the whole creepy staring thing was seriously starting to grate on his nerves when it was announced they had arrived at their destination.

Already Loki has gathered the mass of people out of the art museum and was making them kneel. The god seemed like he was lecturing the crowd with a shit-eating grin on his face; Bucky swears he's making one of those stupid villenous speeches that the bad guys always like to chatter about. Bucky grabbed his shield and locked it onto his back as he watched one man stand up against the egotistical god. He watched Loki turn his head toward the man and his lips begin to twitch into a smile.

Bucky sees Loki about to strike the man and he quickly throws himself down and in front of the man. The blow rebounds hitting Loki in the stomach and sending him down. Bucky stands up quickly waiting for Loki's retaliation; Loki snapped his head up only to glower at Bucky. 

"Last time I was in Germany, a man with a big head was standing above people like you are I ended up beating his ass to a pulp," Bucky announced stepping away from the old man. 

"The soldier," Loki spit out using his scepter to stand back up and gather his dignity, "a man out of time."

"I'm not the one who's out of time," Bucky replied hearing a loud whistling sound only machines could make and suddenly Natasha's voice rang out. 

"Loki, drop the weapon and stand down," Natasha demanded as the guns on the ship aimed themselves at Loki. 

Loki tried to fire at Natasha but she evaded the shot and Bucky took this opportunity to attack. He aimed at Loki's head but he wasn't Steve; the shot hit right around Loki's shoulder. It didn't do shit so Bucky went in and tried to hit him; the punch landed but it didn't do shit. He only pissed the god off and Bucky knew he was fucked. 

Loki raised his hand to strike his side but Bucky quickly lifted the shield and deflected it. They continued to knock shield and scepter together to the point Bucky started to feel pins and needles in his arm from the momentum and force of the strikes. Finally Loki landed a hit on the side of Bucky's head and sent him hurtling backwards. 

"Shit that hurt like fucking hell...," Bucky cursed as he pushed himself to a kneel and chucked the shield at Loki again in anger. Yet again, Loki cast the shield aside easily with a swipe of his scepter. 

Loki stalked forward and Bucky jumped to his feet ignoring the pain in his body. Loki began to deliver blows left and right and Bucky's only option was to avoid it at all costs. When Bucky had to bend backwards to avoid losing his head, he snapped back up and jammed his fist in the god's side. Bucky was thrown after that; apparently he's good at passing him off. He landed in an undignified heap on the ground and tried to get back up only to have the end of Loki scepter jammed into the side of his skull.

"Kneel," the god growled.

"Fuck off," Bucky growled slapping the scepter out of the way and drop kicking Loki in the stomach. Bucky scrambled to his feet just as Loki advanced towards him. Loki grabbed him by the throat and threw him back to the ground a good 10 feet away. His brain rattled and he had to lay back for a minute so he could see straight. 

Suddenly an odd type of music came blasting from around him and Bucky jerked slightly to look behind himself. He saw Tony finally fucking arrive.

"Fucking narcissist...," Bucky grumbled just as Tony blasted Loki backwards and onto the stairs. 

"Make a move reindeer games," Tony's voice came through the Iron Man suit. Loki's body morphed from the ridiculous get-up to a suit and tie. "Good move," Tony let his weapons he had aimed on Loki retract back into his suit.

"Tony," Bucky spoke.

"Captain," Tony replied.

They gather Loki up, put him in cuffs, and lead him onto the mini helicarrier. Bucky sits him down in one of the seats and leans back against one of the walls as Tony takes off his helmet. 

"Is he saying anything?" Fury voice asked through the radio.

"Not a word," Natasha replied.

"Just get him here, we're low on time," Fury ordered.

Bucky knew something was wrong, he felt it and he knows it isn't the whole height fears. Shit was about to hit the fan.

"Somethings off...," Bucky mumbled.

"What Rock of Ages giving up so easily?" Tony drawled raising an eyebrow.

"I don't remember any of this being so easy...this guy packs a wallop."

"Well you are pretty  _spry_ for an older fellow," Tony chuckled looking over at him and then said something Bucky had no fucking clue about.

"What..?"

"You might have missed a few things doing time as a icicle," Tony smirked and Bucky glared. 

"So exactly why did you get called in? Fury has yet to tell me why." He snapped.

"There's alot of things Fury doesn't tell you."

"Where did this come from," Natasha mumbled breaking up the tension momentarily. Loki tensed up and began to look up in paranoia. 

"What's the matter big god like you scared of a little lightning?" Bucky taunted.

"I'm not overly fond of what follows," Loki replied as he looked back up as if he was searching for something and preparing for it. 

Tony just looked at Bucky in confusion but then turned back to Loki once he figured out Bucky was as lost as he was. The mini helicarrier abruptly jolted and Bucky's stomach dropped for the second time that day. He didn't like flying in it already but he quickly realized he hates it to rock even more. 

Tony grabbed his helmet and Bucky pushed through the fear and grabbed his shield just as Tony open the door. 

"What the hell are you doing," Bucky asked in surprise just a man dropped onto the door.

Loki's face went even more pale at the sight of the man but he quickly wiped it off his features. Tony tried to shoot him but the man slung him backwards with a hammer; he fucking landed on top of Bucky.

"I hate you so much right now," Bucky gasped when the wind was knock out of him. While they were on the floor the stranger picked Loki up roughly and jumped out of the mini helicarrier. 

"Now there's that guy," Tony sighed as he got up and Bucky pulled himself up as he caught his breath back.

"Another Asgardian?" Natasha questioned. 

"Is that guy an ally," Bucky inquired. 

"Doesn't matter," Tony spoke curtly, "if he frees Loki or kills him the tesseract is lost." 

"Tony," Bucky called, "we need a plan of attack."

"I have a plan: attack," Tony blasted away and Bucky sighed grabbing a parachute cursing to himself.

"I'd sit this one out Bucky, " Natasha insisted.

"I don't think I can," Bucky buckled himself up.

"These guys come from legends; they basically gods," she explained.

"I stopped believing a long time ago," Bucky admitted grabbing the shield and throwing himself off the ledge. He tried very hard not to think about falling or he'd be crippled with panic and fear. 

* * *

Bucky didn't die but he landed in an undignified heap in the woods. Steve was the graceful one, even as a really skinny guy. To get the party, he listened to the sounds of metal hitting each other and the sound of Tony's repulsors.

Once he finally got there he watched the fight for a moment until he threw the shield. It actually it them this time; finally he was getting better at this. 

"Hey," Bucky called, "that's enough." Bucky walked forth and watched as the blonde stranger tensed up for another fight. "I don't know exactly what you plan on doing here-"

"I've come here to put an end to Loki's schemes," the blonde announced. 

"Then prove it, put the hammer down."

"Uh yeah. No. Bad call; he loves his-," Tony tried to warn but the stranger threw him on his back with his hammer.

"You want me to put the hammer down?!" The stranger exclaimed in anger and lept into the air. Bucky put the shield up defending his body as the hammer descended upon him. The force hurt his arms but it was only faint compared to what could have happened. Tony pushed off the ground with a grunt of pain at the same time as the other three.

"Are we done here?" Bucky panted out. 

 


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash backs to Steve and Bucky during the war, Bucky zones out during the meetings, and Bucky actually meets Loki.

"I hate gods," Bucky grumbled holding an ice pack to his face. 

"Don't be biased because the first once beat the shit out of you," Natasha smirked.

"He did not beat the shit out of me," Bucky bristled, "I had him on the ropes."

"Just let the old man think what he wants," Tony piped in with a large grin on his face.

"Flashy bastard...," Bucky muttered and Tony laughed.

They were sitting around a table watching as Fury interacted with Loki through a monitor. Bucky didn't really pay close attention to what was being said but he got the gist of it: don't escape or you'll be punished but with alot more sass and wit. 

"....Oh I've heard," Loki's voice brought back Bucky's attention, "the mindless beast that likes to make plays at being human. How desperate are you to call on such lost creatures?"

"How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war. You steal a force you can't hope to control," Fury spoke clearly and curtly, "you speak of peace and kill for fun; you've made me very desperate. You might not be glad you did."

Loki leaned forward resting his hand on the glass with a smirk, "Oh it  _burns_ you to have come so close to have the Tesseract. Unlimited power. Only for what? A warm light for all humanity to share and then be reminded what true power is."

"Well let me know of real power wants a magazine or something," Fury jeered with a smile leaving Loki behind.

"He really grows on you doesn't he?" Bruce's voice piped up in the room turning the attention on him. 

"So why exactly are we afraid of him? Yes he's strong as hell but what's his play? I'm assuming there is one," Bucky asked looking at the big blonde oaf, who he now knows is named Thor. 

"He has an army that are not of Asgard or Earth. They are called the Chitauri and he means to lead them against your people. They will win him Earth in turn for the tesseract," Thor spoke from his spot against the wall. 

"An army from outerspace?" Bucky asked incredulously, "and I though being frozen for seventy years was whacky. This world is in some deep shit."

"I'm guessing he built another portal," Bruce began and Bucky tuned them out again. He wasn't used to being in these kind of meetings; he was a soldier, he followed orders not made them. That was always Steve's job, Bucky just followed him.

He remembered when people never spared a glance at Steve before the serum; they never knew his true worth and it always pissed him off. All they saw was a skinny sickly boy that was constantly on the verge of death so they never paid him any mind.

After the serum? They couldn't get enough of Steve. All they saw was the large build and pretty face. All it took was Steve scientifically modifying himself to actually get some sort of attention and Bucky loathed that.

Bucky always knew how special and beautiful Steve was before any of them. it wasn't even about his personality, he loved everything about Steve. He even loved the things Steve himself abhorred about himself. Bucky loved how short and small Steve was especially when they were in bed together. He would pull Steve into his arms slowly so he wouldn't scare off Steve, Steve sometimes saw this as being coddled and he'd lash out, and Steve would be able to curl up and tuck his face against Bucky's neck. They weren't able to do that after Bucky was drafted and then Steve was drafted and put in that program... things became messy. 

All the things they used to do before the war was put on hold for numerous things. Staying alive for one thing and then they had to help Steve adjust to his new body (the whole show biz thing didn't really help much, he was still struggling).

At the same time Steve was trying to heal Bucky after he brought him back from Zola's lab. Bucky tried to push him away and deny that anything was wrong but Steve was very persistent. Bucky still doesn't know why.

What Bucky does know was how much he had missed the old Steve. Yes, he was so happy for Steve especially since Steve seemed much more content and at ease with his new body; however, Bucky missed the old Stevie. He's selfish and he will admit it willingly, but he misses being needed. He misses having a purpose in life and that purpose being keeping the little punk alive and healthy.

Once the serum was placed inside Steve, Bucky was no longer needed in Steve's life. He could now take care of himself, when he actually chose to...the reckless bastard. He didn't need Bucky to count his breaths for him or help him calm down after some sort of attack. Steve no longer had to worry about losing anymore fights. Bucky was no longer needed and he dreaded the day Steve realized that fact.

* * *

_CRASH_

_"God dammit Rogers!" A voice screeched from across the camp._

_"I am so sorry," Steve stammered ashamed._

_"He broke something again didn't he?" Dugan asked raising an eyebrow from where they were playing cards._

_"What do you think?" Bucky drawled in exasperation._

_Steve dragged his feet walking towards them with his head hanging down. He looked like a kicked puppy._

_"Damn man you need to learn to control yourself better," Dugan joked with a grin and Steve bristled._

_"I'm trying," Steve gritted with shame written across his expression._

_"Don't be so testy Steve he's just fucking with you," Bucky laughed putting his cards down and looking up into his blue eyes._

_"I'm not being testy," Steve averted his eyes._

_"Do you need help?"_

_"I've got this."_

_"Whatever you say...King Kong," Bucky muttered with a sly grin._

_"What did you call me...?" Steve asked in shock, the reference wasn't clicking. He was always slow when it came to things like this._

_"You heard me, you're hearing isn't bad anymore."_

_"I can see the resemblance," Dugan laughed._

_"You called me King Kong...? Why?" Steve narrowed his eyes._

_"Well for one you are huge," Bucky stood up and he had to look up at him, "you're also unbelievably strong and fast, plus you tend to destroy things. No offense."_

_"None taken," Steve grunted bitterly._

_"So you're a non-hairy human King Kong," Bucky grinned and for a moment he thought Steve was angry but suddenly his eyes softened._

_"So are you gonna help me or what?"_

_"When do we start?"_

_"Anytime is fine."_

_"Well come King Kong."_

_"Now?"_

_"You said anytime and I'm choosing now," Bucky walked towards the door and looked behind his shoulder at Steve, "hurry up Captain America it's rude to keep people waiting."_

_This was one of Bucky's good days and that's why Steve followed him outside. Ever since Steve found Bucky, he's been a little off but doesn't notice it himself. Bucky will go into these periods of motionless staring and will occasionally wince like is hurting him; when he's like this his body will suddenly jerk and it will be as if nothing ever happened._

_If the Howling Cammandos thought that was bad... they hadn't seen anything yet. At night Steve would be woken up by agonizing whimpering coming from next to him. Steve would sit up and peer at Bucky only to see the man tensed up and sweating profusely; Bucky would have tears in his eyes and his face drawn up in pain. Steve always had to wake him up before he started to scream; he made that mistake once and Bucky was mortified._

_"Get ready Stevie," Bucky smirked standing across from Steve._

_"Get ready for what exactly?" Steve asked confused and Bucky suddenly attacked him._ _Bucky is a good fighter but he always played dirty when he was with Steve._

_"Don't hold back Steve!"_

_Bucky feigned a punch to Steve's throat but when Steve tried to dodge it, a fist was jammed against his abdomen. Steve coughed and tried to grab Bucky but he was too fast and dodged Steve's arms. Bucky grabbed Steve's arms and twisted them behind his back._

_"Bucky that hurts!"_

_"If I wasn't gentle with you when you were skinny, what makes you think I'm gonna be gentle now?"_

_Steve threw caution to the wind when Bucky grabbed his hair; Steve seized Bucky by the upper arms and whipped him around. Bucky looked up at Steve in surprise but suddenly his eyes glinted._

_"Don't you-," Steve started realizing what that glint meant. Suddenly Steve was on his back gasping for the breath that was taken from him. Bucky had swiped his leg under Steve knocking his own legs out from under him._

_What Bucky didn't account for was Steve's quick recovery; needless to say Bucky wasn't expecting the arms wrapping around his midriff and pulling him to the ground. Steve then flipped them over so that he was sitting on top of Bucky's thighs._

_"Oh I see you're a top kind of guy," Bucky taunted between breaths, "...and really heavy."_

_"And apparently you're a bottom," Steve chuckled blushing madly._

* * *

Bucky now finds himself in front of Loki's cell and he doesn't really remember how it happened.

"The man out of time," Loki grinned as he circled around in the cell like a predator.

"The murdering psychopath," Bucky mocked and Loki's left eye twitched; he only noticed it because of how close they were.

"How does it feel waking up in a new generation all alone? To know you outlived everyone you ever loved," Loki spoke softly and Bucky couldn't help but tense up.

"Probably about the same as living in a brothers shadow and being cast away from a father," Bucky snapped and Loki gritted his teeth audibly only to suddenly get a cruel smile on his lips.

"Well you're not wrong...," Loki drawled and landed against the glass to stare in Bucky's eyes, "but I don't know what is worse: living an a strange new world alone, living a life constantly shrouded in anothers greatness.... or being the reason your love died. Steve could have done great things, but instead you lived. How cruel of you to take the world's most precious person just so you could live."

 


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically it's the entire Avengers movie fitted into one chapter.

"That was uncalled for, but hey if you really wanna play this game then go on," Bucky gritted out standing taller and crossing his arms, "but keep in mind Loki I've been reading about your mythology for alot longer than you've been hearing about me."

"Is that a threat?" Loki taunted his lips curling in a cruel sideways grin.

"Oh look at you, you're so good at English," Bucky clapped slowly.

"Don't patronize me you foolish human," Loki snapped. 

"Ooh you even know insults," he praised mockingly.

"How do you think Steve would react if he saw you treating a poor prisoner so cruelly," Loki sneered.

"Probably alot better than what you're gonna get when we hand your ass back to Asgard, " Bucky snapped.

"Well I guess we won't ever really know what little Captain America would do since you killed him," Loki spit out and Bucky recoiled as if he'd been slapped. Bucky quickly recovered and go closer to the door with a dark glare.

"That little fucking trick of yours getting old real quick," Bucky hissed, "and if I hear you speak about Steve one more time...it's gonna get ugly."

"Aw, I guess Ste-," Loki started.

"You know I heard about the death of practically all your children," Bucky began as his heart raced with hostility and Loki's eyes widened slightly, "Steve died because he was trying to save me, all of your kids died because they were related to you."

"Listen to me you mewling quim-," Loki gritted out his breath getting harsher.

"How does that feel? I can't even imagine having so much blood on my hands," Bucky kept going ignoring Loki, "I mean I was solider and yeah my hands are plenty dirty; but none of the blood was my family's. I guess it sucks to be you, huh?"

Yes he was being petty and yes Steve would hate him for letting Loki get under his skin, but he couldn't let Loki soil Steve's memory. Loki started this and now all Bucky wanted to do was hurt Loki. The best way to do that? Do the same thing Loki's doing; pry open old wounds and rub salt into them. 

"I will skin you alive-!"

"Steve was only one guy but you watches at least 3 of your kids die right in front of you, I think it was 3. Was it? I'm sure Thor could tell me."

"I will murder everyone you've ever loved...!-"

"I guess you got a lot of grave robbing to do." 

Bucky's chest felt like it was ripping and he was suffocating but on the outside he looked cool and nonchalant. If he didn't get out now he felt like he was going to break down and then everything he did was going to be in vain.

"Well I guess I should leave you and let you ponder on our conversation. Good talk," Bucky saluted Loki and turned around with Loki screaming threats at him. Bucky walked out but as soon as the door shut he ran down the hall knocking people out of the way. 

He ran straight into the bathroom, locked the door, and collapsed to his knees. By this point he couldn't breathe and all he could hear was his heartbeat and all he could see was Steve's face as he fell. He was panicking and he felt like he was dying. His body began to tremble violently and he began to sweat. 

Why did he live? Steve could have done so much for this world and what had Bucky done in his place?  Jack shit. He was frozen and now look at him: pathetically frozen on the ground his body trying to gasp for breath. He couldn't get a grip and Steve would be ashamed to know him. Bucky reached out and wrapped his metal hand around the sink and it shattered under his grip. 

_"Get a grip Barnes!! No one can see you like this!! They ship you back to the hospital in a flash!!!,"_ Bucky screamed to himself trying to snap out of it,  _"This may be a new decade but they won't hesitate to lock you up! Remember all the veterans who came back and we're sent away for doing this?! They were never seen again!!"_

Bucky began to push himself up, the tremors wracking his body slowing down, and leaned against the wall as he caught his breath.

"Hey Bucky, you alright?" Bruce's voice came through the door along with a small knock.

"Y-yeah, I'm just still getting used to being in the air," Bucky lied and if Bruce didn't believe him, he never called him out on it.

"You wanna come to the lab with me a Tony?"

"You want me in a room full of sharp tools and electricity?"

"I asked that same question earlier," Bruce chuckled. 

"But for different reasons.." Bucky tried to joke.

"Very."

"Alright... I'll meet you there in a bit."

"Okay Bucky."

Bucky heard Bruce's footsteps fade from the door and he let out a long sigh. He was terrified to be caught like this and he decided then that no matter what, he will not let this happen again. If he's gonna break down again it's gonna happen in his own apartment and when's he alone.

* * *

"Someone needs to go down there before Bucky rips open that cell," Tony spoke as the group watched Bucky and Loki on the screens in front of them. 

"No, he's gotta keep going," Fury ordered with his arms crossed. 

Natasha could see him getting desperate. Bucky's eyes began to dilate and his breathing became a little harsher; this could easily be mistaken as rage but Natasha knows better than that.

"He over stepped boundaries!" Thor boomed slamming his hands on the table, "one does not bring up Loki's past!"

"Loki started it by bringing up Bucky's," Natasha looked over at Thor, her eyes slightly narrowed daring Thor to argue with her. Thankfully the big oaf knew when to back down and shut the hell up. 

"Damn Barnes is brutal," Tony commented in awe, "I didn't think he had it in him."

"Everyone has the ability, it just takes certain things to bring it out," Bruce spoke softly with his arms wrapped around himself observing the confrontation.

"I guess Bucky's is Steve," Tony affirmed.

"No it's Steve's death and whatever responsibility and guilt that is connected with it," Natasha explained.

"He blames himself," Bruce reiterated.

"Precisely."

"But its not his fault, from what my... father told me, Steve sacrificed himself of his own will," Tony furrowed his eyebrows.

"Doesn't matter, people do this all the time. He sees himself as the main reason that Steve is dead and he finds himself wondering why he lived and Steve didn't; it's called survivors guilt," Bruce sighed.

"I think he has PTSD," Natasha admitted. 

"Without a doubt," Tony supplied, although he and Natasha already knew about the diagnosis. Natasha suspected Fury knew as well but the others didn't.

"I bet the man has no idea what that is...," Bruce watched as Loki screamed threats as Bucky continued to gauge open old wounds.

"Well they didn't have this back when he was alive, the first time I mean," Tony said and looked at Bruce, "they had 'battle fatigue' but they didn't really know what to do. They were cowards in everyones eyes and it only made things worse when they couldn't snap out of it."

"Tony I know my history, thank you," Bruce rolled his eyes. 

"You're welcome Bruce," Tony grinned and Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Should he even be here? I mean I know Bucky is a great fighter and all, I've read about him in textbooks, but is he ready for this?" Bruce asked in concern looking to Fury.

"He wasn't exhibiting any signs before this except nightmares, but he'll be fine," Fury grunted, "we will get him help after this is all over with." 

Thor looked confused this entire time watching the conversation bounce between the people around him. He didn't understand a word coming out of their mouths.

"But what if he has an episode during battle?" Tony asked.

"I don't really think we need to worry about that, he seems to do okay during action... I believe it's when he's dormant that we need to worry," Natasha explained, "action seems to take his mind away from it all and it all catches up once the excitement and adrenaline have drained away."

"So I don't have to worry about being shot by a rogue soldier in an episode?" Tony joked.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a terrible sense of humor?" Bruce sighed again in exasperation at Tony's poor joke. 

"Someone may have mentioned it once or twice," Tony laughed. 

"You may wanna heed their advice next time," Natasha glared.

"Damn look at Loki, he's practically squirming in his cell," Tony pointed out. 

"So is Bucky...," Natasha murmured.

"He's panicking, someone get him out," Bruce leaned forward but no one had any time to help before Bucky strode out of the room. 

Moments later, after the sound of the door being shut, loud footsteps could be heard running through the halls. They could all hear as Bucky stampeded through the hall and body's being slammed into walls and falling. 

"He's having an episode," Natasha stood up.

"I got this," Bruce waved them off and walked out of the room.

Bruce was the only one who really understood caution; he dealt with it everyday. The others might be okay, Natasha was probably extremely good at it, but with situations like these it was too risky. He definitely knew he couldn't trust Tony with it and he didn't really know how he felt about Fury.

Bruce approached the door calmly and warily. He didn't know how Bucky would react and he didn't know what Bucky was doing in there; he could hear soft whines from out side the door, Bruce didn't know if Bucky knew he was making them. So he asked him to come to the lab with him, it was a way to take him mind off the situation and it would be a place he could keep an eye on Bucky. 

Bucky tried to say it was just the nerves of flying getting to him and it may hold some truth, but in this case Bruce knew it wasn't what was making him sick. 

"Okay Bucky," Bruce spoke calmly to Bucky's answer. He was now glad he came, he could already hear Bucky begin to calm down so he left Bucky to head to the lab. 

* * *

_"STAY THE FUCK DOWN!!!," a voice screamed from an alley Bucky was passing and his heart stopped. A boy was prying himself off the ground and surrounded by a group of sketchy guys. The boy was kicked back onto the ground roughly and it yanked whatever breath his asthmatic lungs could hold onto out of his chest._

_"Never..," the boy croaked._

_The boys golden blonde hair was now coated with thick blood and there was a long gash across his cheek and temple; both were bleeding profusely, making his already milky white skin even paler. One of his eyes was swollen shut and the other one was blood shot from a busted blood vessle. The boys nose was noticeably bent crooked and gushing blood along with his lips, which were busted in three places. Needless to say when the boy looked up the blood ran down his face and dripped to the ground like rain._

_The wrist of his right hand looked absolutely shattered; yet the idiot still put pressure on it to stand up instead of playing dead (Like any smart person would do). The angel of a boy looked broken physically but in the one eye you could see, he was far from it. The little punk glared defiantly at the delinquents surrounding him, with a fire in his eyes most people never had._

_"I'm so tired of you Rogers! Finish him off boys," the leader spat, literally he spit in Steve's face._

_"You know I would have gone a little easier on you but for that? I'm gonna beat you into the ground," Bucky growled dropping his bag on the ground and startling the gang._

_"Are you threatening us?" One of them hissed._

_"You tell me," Bucky spoke and one of them rushed him. Underestimation was always their downfall; he's being doing this for years._

_Bucky ducked the incoming punch and round-house kicked the guy in the jaw. He heard a satisfying crunch underneath his feet followed by a wail of agony._

_"I'll kill you!!" The next one was smarter, he even got one punch to Bucky's stomach before Bucky slammed his head into the pavement._

_"You little-," the rest of them all surrounded him and began to spit insults at him. There was 3 of them left and they all attacked at once. They got some really good hits in, Bucky won't deny it, but they bore the worst of the injuries._

_Bucky broke an arm on the first guy by slamming the heel of his hand upward and snapping it like a twig. He twisted one guys ankle by doing just that; when he was on the ground after a particularly brutal bunch to the sternum, he grabbed the guys ankle and twisted it until he hear a crack. He broke another ones nose, broke a few of the ribs, and really just bruised them up in general. They ran like hell after that and drug the two unconscious ones behind them._

_"I had 'em on the ropes," Steve gritted out._

_"Whatever you say Stevie," Bucky picked Steve off the ground and let him lean on his shoulder as they walked from the alley. "I know this is gonna piss you off but you seriously need to back off before you get yourself killed."_

_"We've already had this conversation Bucky," Steve sighed._

_"And yet you continue to do it despite my concerns."_

_"I have to do this Bucky, I gotta help some how."_

_"You can't save everyone and sometimes you need to put you're health above others. It was tolerable when we were younger but people now hit harder and they fight better Steve. You're being too fucking reckless."_

_"And you're being too self absorbed!"_

_"Steve that's how life is!!! It's all about you!! Keeping yourself alive so you can live another day in YOUR life!!! Everyone is conceded to an extent and that's how things are supposed to be!! You're being stupidly honorable and it's not like anyone appreciates It anyway!! It's fine to try to save a few people but not at this kind of cost Steve!"_

_"You're the one who sounds ridiculous right now," Steve pushed him away in fury._

_"Says the person gushing blood from all parts of their body!!! You aren't strong enough to handle this Steve..-!" Bucky knew he fucked up as soon as those words left his lips. Steve suddenly bristled at the mention of his weakness._

_"Fuck. You," Steve pushed as hard as he could, making back fall backwards onto his ass, and shot off like lightning._

_"Steve!! Wait!!! Fuck!," Bucky shouted and sucked from where he was._

_He didn't mean it like that, he just wishes Steve would be more careful. Bucky wouldn't know what to do if he came back to find out Steve was beaten to death because he didn't know when to back down. He just wanted Steve to see his perspective of things for once. For a selfless person, he was incredibly selfish. He didn't know his own worth and he never believe Bucky when he tried to convince him. So much for being best friend's..._

_Bucky picked himself off the ground and jammed his hands in his pockets trudging towards their apartment. He really didn't want to deal with this tonight, he was bone tired from his 3 jobs he worked back to back today. But of course. BUT OF COURSE this had to happen tonight, there really was no God and if there was one Bucky was sure he hated him._

_"I'm home," Bucky announced to tension filled apartment when he unlocked tbe door. He immediately found Steve curled up beside the fire in the living room; he was completely ignoring Bucky. So he did the best thing he could in these types of situations: he continued on with his routine and let Steve come to him when he was ready._

_He was ready just as Bucky was on the way to passing out._

_"I'm sorry Buck...," Steve whispered as he crawled into the bed behind Bucky and curled up to his side._

_"Don't be sorry," Bucky slurred from sleep and wrapped his arms around Steve bringing him to his chest, " it's my fault... you're not weak... just stupid is all..."_

_"I am weak..," Steve mumbled against his chest, "and I've got to accept that..."_

_"You're the strongest guy I know," Bucky ran his fingers through Steve's hair softly, "and I'll always be there to beat the shit out of anyone who disagrees. I'm with you 'til the end of the line Stevie..."_

_Steve went silent for so long that Bucky began to slip away again; he was so far gone he almost didn't register the small 'I love you' that slip passed Steve's injuried lips._

_"I love you too Stevie..," Bucky whispered in Steve's ear holding closer, "...even if you are a little punk."_

_"Jerk..."_

_"Answer me this Steve...," He pried his eyes open and looked down at the beautiful boy in his arms, "are you doing this because you're pissed I'm being shipped off...?"_

_"Of course not...," Steve lied but Bucky didn't call him out on it._

_"Well... promise me that you cut it out while I'm gone.... I won't be able to concentrate and keep myself alive I'm worried about you down here," Bucky knew it was a cheap shot but he had to do something._

_"You guilt tripping asshole," Steve sighed._

_"I'm serious Stevie..."_

_"Fine," he groaned, "I promise to try my hardest."_

_"I'll take it," Bucky smiled softly looking up into Steve's deep blue eyes. He loved Steve's eyes, they were more than one shade of blue and so deep people could get lost in them. Bucky's eyes were a boring gray but Steves? they were the most amazing vibrant shades of blues Bucky had ever seen._

_"Stay safe Buck.... dont make me have to go out there and save your ass," Steve joked quietly, "because I will if I have to."_

_"I don't doubt you for a second," Bucky grinned._

_If only Bucky had never to have witnessed how much truth was behind Steve's words that night; Steve wouldn't be rotting at the bottom of that snowy mountain._

* * *

"Bucky! I was wondering when you'd finally show your face in here," Tony beamed at him holding a packet of blueberries. 

"How're you feeling Bucky?" Bruce asked in genuine concern for Bucky's wellbeing; Bucky wasn't quite sure if it was concern over his acrophobia or if he knew something else was up. He didn't elaborate and Bucky sure as hell wasn't going to ask. 

"Better," Bucky spoke vaguely and sat against of the more barren desks and observed the advanced technology.

"That's good to hear," Bruce smiled slightly.

"I can't seem to wrap my head around all of the changes to technology over the last few decades," Bucky mumbled in awe.

"It's fucking cool isn't it Bucky?" Tony asked throwing an arm around Bucky's shoulders. 

"Yeah," Bucky looked at Tony raising an eyebrow. 

"I'm guessing no one taught you boundaries either," Bruce commented.

"They did but life would be boring if you followed all the rules, just ask Fury," Tony laughed and let Bucky go. 

"So what are you guys doing in here?" Bucky asked curiously.

"Working on the scepter, " Bruce replied just as Fury stormed in.

"What are you doing Mr. Stark?" Fury growled.

"You know I was about to ask you the same thing," Tony spoke calmly. 

"You're supposed to be locating the tesseract."

"We are. The model's locked and we're sweeping for the signature now. When we get a hit, well have the location within a half a mile," Bruce informed. 

"And you'll get your cube back. No muss, no fuss," Tony flipped through some files on his monitor, "what is PHASE 2?"

Bucky looked at the designs and suddenly narrowed his eyes; he had walked into a room that was full of weapons such as these. 

"This is why you brought me here? To make more weapons for war? I was wrong, the world hasn't changed a bit," Bucky snarled. He hated war and SHIELD was already gearing up for one.

"Did you know about this?" Banner glared at Natasha as she and Thor walk in.

"You wanna think about removing yourself from this environment, doctor?" She asked.

"I was in calcutta, I was pretty well remove," he said curtly.

"Loki's manipulating you."

"And you've been doing what exactly?"

"You didn't come here because I bat my eyelashes at you," Natasha spoke.

"Yes and I'm not leaving just because you suddenly get a little twitchy. I'd like to know why SHIELD is using the tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction," he growled. 

"Because of him," Fury point at Thor.

"Me?" Thor asked stunned.

"Last year Earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town. We learned that not only are we not alone; but that we are hopelessly, hilariously outgunned," Fury explained.

"My people want nothing but peace with your people," Thor was confused.

"But you're not the only people out there, are you?  And you're not the only threat. The world's filling up with people who can't be matched, they can't be controlled."

"Like you controlled the cube?" Bucky asked. 

"You're work with the tesseract is what drew Loki to it, and his allies," Thor narrowed his eyes, "it is the signal to all the realms the earth is ready for a higher for of war."

"Higher form?" Now it was Bucky's turn to be confused. 

"You forced our hand," Fury snapped, "we had to come up with something."

"Nuclear deterrent," Tony remarked," 'cause that always calms everything down."

"Remind me again how you made your fortune Stark," Fury snarled. 

"This isn't about Stark," Bucky grunted. 

Bucky looked over just as Bruce began to back up and he felt something deeply wrong with this situation.

"You speak of control, yet you court chaos," Thor bellowed in anger as Loki's scepter began to glow brighter. 

"It's his M.O., isn't it? I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're... we're a time-bomb," Bruce glared.

"You need to step away," Fury commanded and Tony put his arm around Bucky again.

"Please don't touch me," Bucky ducked away from his arm.

"Agent Romanov would you escort Dr. Banner back to his -," Fury began.

"Where? You rented my room," Bruce narrowed eyes at Fury. 

"The cell was just a precaution."

"In case you needed to kill me but you can't! I know, I tried!!" Bruce let slip, "I got low. I didn't see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out! So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I was good, until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk!"

"You wanna know my secret? You wanna know how I stay calm?!," Bruce kept inching backward.

"Bruce put down the scepter...," Bucky ordered calmly tensed up. 

"Got it," Tony spoke up just as the computer beeped.

"Sorry kids you don't get to see my little party trick after all," Bruce put the scepter down and walk over to the monitor.

"Located the tesseract?," Thor asked.

"I can get there faster," Tony declared as he began to walk away until Bucky grabbed his arm.

"Look-," Bucky started.

"The tesseract belongs on Asgard, no human is a match for it," Thor spoke up and Bucky glared at him. All of these people were starting to piss him off and he was so close to snapping....

"You're not going alone," Bucky held steady when Tony tried to get out of his grip.

"You gonna stop me?" Tony challenged.

"You know what? Fuck it, put on the suit and let's find out," Bucky ground out in frustration.

"I'm not afraid to hit an old man," Tony got in his face.

"Like father like son I see," Bucky hissed watching Tony's face hardening.

"Oh my god," Bruce whispered in horror at what he saw on his monitor when unexpectedly the room exploded. The blast sent the members in different directions; Tony and Bucky were sent scrambling to the floor in a heap of limbs.

"Put on the suit!" Bucky called out with wide eyes as the two men helped each other up.

"Yep," Tony replied ingeniously as they rushed into the hall.

Bucky found himself out on the railing looking at was probably one of their motors. He didn't really know what to do so he just called out Starks name and hoped that be knew what to do. Bucky sure as hell didn't.

"Stark! I'm here," Bucky called out.

"Good," Starks voice grunted, "let's see what we've got." He then began to proceed to ramble in a language that rolled over a Bucky's head and then spoke to him: "I need you to get to that engine control panel and tell me which relays are in overload position."

Bucky followed like a good little soldier and had to swing onto another ledge. No matter how much he hated to say it: he couldn't help but be slightly grateful that the crazy midget experiment and injected curious liquids in him. He didn't notice it before now, being frozen and all, but he was faster, stronger, and alot more since being tortured.

"What the hell is all this..?" Bucky choked looking at the panel that easily slid from the wall.

"What's it look like in there?" Tony piped up ignoring Bucky's previous bewildered comment.

"It's seems to run on some sort of electricity..," Bucky groaned rubbing his face in frustration.

"Well you're not wrong," Tony mumbled distracted with his own work.

"The relays are now intact again, what's our next move," Bucky asked as he examined what Tony ordered him to do. Tony had to explain every step of the way pretty explicitly because the asshole liked speak all technological on poor Bucky. 

"Even if I clear the rotors, this thing won't re-engage without a jump. I'm gonna have to get in there and push," Tony explained.

"If that thing catches speed you'll be crushed!"

"Then stay in the control unit and reverse polarity long enough to disengage mag..-"

"Fucking english!"

"See that red lever?," Tony snapped like he was speaking to a toddler, "it'll slow the rotors down long enough for me to get our. Stand by it, wait for my word." Yet again, Bucky has to leap through hoops to get where Tony needs him.

While Tony is messing around with the 'rotors', people appear on the level below Bucky. He ponders if they are here to help, which stops as soon as they start firing at him. He swings himself down on top of the soldiers and slings one of them off the platform. He grabs the shield from his back and begins to take them down. Bucky thought he was done until more began to pile in and then he saw the gun at his feet. With a jackass grin on his face, he swiped it up and got up on a higher level. Bucky then proceeded to do what he does best: he sniped them down.

It's all fun and games until he runs out of ammo and has to jump back down. Now he has to fight hand-to-hand...  _Great._ As soon as he jumped down he was swarmed by the agents and had to defend hiself quickly. He was doing pretty well until one perfectly aimed hit sent him propelling over the edge. Luckily Bucky was able to catch onto something until he took the last fall of his life (he knew this one would have been permanent).

"Buck! I need that lever," Tony chose that time to speak up.

"Need a minute," Bucky gasped as he tried to pull himself up.

"Lever! Now!" Tony's voice was laced with panic.

Bucky goes even faster once he begins to hear Tony getting shredded; he throws himself up and runs to the lever (also avoiding gunfire all the while). He then hurriedly pulls the lever and dodges the fire of bullets aimed at him until they suddenly stop.

Bucky stands up to see Tony had slammed his body into the soldier, halting the onslaught.

"Thanks," Bucky nodded as he hopped down and limped to Tony panting.

"No problem," Tony sighed as he laid there and Bucky sat beside him for a moment to catch his breath.

* * *

From what Bucky can tell, more shit went down but it was all a blur. By the time Tony and him recovered, things were winding down and they were counting up the dead agents.

Agent Phil Coulson was dead and yes Bucky felt a pang of grief; after the odd staring contest Bucky had gotten to know Coulson. He felt sorry the poor man died but  _god dammit_ he threw himself into the fire just like Steve. Bucky knew Coulson was a Captain America fanatic, which was why he was staring at him so intensely, but he didn't know he would go as far as falling Steve's self-destructive footsteps. 

"These were in Phil Coulson's jacket," Fury tossed a stack of bloody vintage Captain America cards on the table between Bucky and Tony. Bucky picked one up and his face fell knowing what they meant.

"Guess he never did get you to sign them," Fury sighed, "We are dead in the air up here. Our communications, location of the cube, Banner, Thor.  I got nothing for you. Lost my one good eye. Maybe I had that coming...."

Bucky tried wiping the blood off the cards hoping to somehow... actually he didn't know what he was doing. It just felt right, even if it did coat his jacket in the blood of yet another person. 

"Yes," Fury continued on as he watched the two of yet, "we were going to build an arsenal with the tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number though, because I was playing something even riskier. There was an idea, Stark knows this, called The Avengers Initiative. 

The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more. See if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea, in heroes." Tony abruptly stood up and walked off his eyes drawn and hard. 

Neither Fury nor Bucky went after him, they both knew he needed his time to relate himself. Bucky only knew because that's how Howard always was; very self-dependent and usually lashed out if one tried to help when he was sorting things out. Now that he thinks about it... Bucky was always surrounded by self-dependent assholes like that.

"Well it's a old fashioned notion," Fury grunted and walked away leaving Bucky by himself.

Bucky felt unnervingly calm and he almost wished he was panicking again. At least he felt something before... this bone deep numbness was exactly like the front line all over again. So before he could dig too deep into it he walked off in the direction Tony went; he hoped that was enough time. Howard always did it fairly quickly because he didn't particularly like being alone.

"Was he married?" Bucky approached slowly making noises to not startle Tony

"No. There was a uh.... cellist, I think," Tony spoke as he stared off into space. 

"I'm sorry, he seemed like a real good man," Bucky spoke like he did when he used to have to hand the families the dreaded pink slip.

"He was an idiot," Tony stated curtly. 

"I've known people like that but you shouldn't disgrace the dead like that," Bucky bristled, "he died for his beliefs."

"He took Loki on alone."

"It was his job."

"He was out of his league. He should have waited... he should have..-," Tony rambled and Bucky felt the anger drain out of his body hearing Tony.

"Sometimes.... there isn't a way out, " Bucky whispered, "is this the first time you've lost a soldier? It doesn't get any easier... I'll tell you that much."

"WE ARE NOT SOLDIERS!" Tony blew up and Bucky took it calmly, "I am not marching to Fury's fife!!"

"Neither am I. He's got the same blood on his hands as Loki does but right now we need to ignore that and get this done," Bucky crossed his arms.

"He made it personal," Tony muttered staring at the bloody wall. 

"Thats really not the point right now Tony."

"But that is the point. That's Loki's point. He hit us right where we live, why?"

"To rip us apart and make it easier on his part I suppose."

"He had to conquer his greed, but he knows he has to take us out to win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience...."

"Right, I caught his act in Stuttengard."

"Yeah that's just a preview, this is his opening night. Loki's a full tilt diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered...," Tony trailed off and suddenly narrowed his eyes, "sonofabitch!"

Tony stalked off and Bucky actually is able to make the connection this time. So instead of following Tony he makes off to where Clint and Natasha are.

"Time to go," he poked his head in.

"Go where?" Natasha asked.

"I'll tell you on the way, can you fly?"

"I can," Clint spoke up.

"Suit up, and Clint?" Bucky looked back as he was walking away from the door.

"Yeah?"

"Good to have you back," Bucky smiled.

"Glad to be back," Clint grunted with a pained grin.

Bucky went to grab the shield and then headed out towards the quinjet; Natasha and Clint met up with him out there. 

"You are not authorized to be out here...," one of the SHIELD agents tried stopping them.

"Just don't," Bucky waved him away and continued on.

"You ready for an ass kicking," Clint joked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Bucky groaned with agood natured grin.

Soon they were flying around in the middle of New York. The sky was lit up with a blue glow and suddenly it opened up and Bucky's stomach dropped.

"We are so fucked... Oh so very fucked," Bucky whined as the ugly aliens came flying in hordes out of the sky. 

Tony did good to stop a bunch of them... but he could only do so much. They started filing down to earth and attacking what was in their way.

Natasha and Clint started whipping the jet around to fire at the aliens and Bucky had to hold on for dear life. It's like they forgot he was in the back without a sit belt; he clamped his metal arm to a handle on the ceiling and swung around. Things only got worse when they shot down and Bucky almost threw up. The last impact sent Bucky to the ground when his hand accidentally ripped the handle off. 

"Fuck gravity," Bucky croaked with a cough and pushed himself up and out of the damaged jet. Everyone was fine and alive and Bucky felt relieved until he heard the roar. "Tony are you seeing this...?"

"I'm seeing, still working on believing," Tony quipped, "where's Banner? Has he shown up yet?"

"Bruce?"

"Just keep me posted," Tony then began to ramble to JARVIS.

The trio began to fight off the soldiers as best as they could. The soldiers came in groups, Bucky noticed, once one group was down another came along. 

Bucky used his arm to his advantage; he began crushing whatever his got his hand on and bashing heads in with the shield. He was ruthless with these aliens and they were just as ruthless. At one point he got shot in the stomach but the wound itself was cauterized by whatever ammo they used. 

Once they got rid of that group they had to hide behind a cab when Loki and his army began to shoot whatever was in their way. Bucky didn't like to hear the screams of all those innocent people.

"Those people are in trouble," Bucky looked to Natasha.

"We got this," she affirmed and began to shoot at the army in front of her.

"You think you can hold them off?" Bucky asked Clint.

"Buck, it'd be my genuine pleasure," Clint got his arrows ready.

Bucky grabbed a gun and hurled himself off the bridge heading towards the crisis. He began jumping along cars and avoiding the shots fired at him. This wasn't at all fun as it might seem from a distance.

He hopped on a police car and began to direct the cops. They looked at him like he was crazy and he gritted his teeth.

"Why the hell should I take orders from you?" One of them challenged just as something exploded. 

An alien landed behind bucky and he had to dodge a swipe to the head, he kicked the alien away once he recovered. Another one came in its place and started to shoot at him so Bucky ducked behind the shield. While the alien was busy firing, Bucky shot his metal hand out and ripped the aliens arm clean off. Then he proceeded to shoot it in the head. Two more came along and Bucky handled them swiftly.

The police actually did what he said after that and Bucky almost smiled. After that Bucky then rushed back to his previous position and helped Natasha and Clint with the horde around them. That's when Thor finally decided to show up; he ran at least six of the aliens through with electricity.

"How's things up there?" Bucky asked.

"The power surrounding the cube is impenetrable," Thor informed.

"Thor is right we gotta deal with these guys," Tony piped in.

"And how do we do this?" Natasha asked. 

"As a team," Bucky answered firmly.

"I have unfinished business with Loki," Thor declared.

"Yeah, get in line," Clint drawled.

"Save it, Loki's gonna keep this fight focused on us and we need it that way. Without him things could be much worse. We need Tony up top, he's gonna need us...," Bucky trailed off once Bruce pulled up on a tiny motorbike.

"So this all seems... horrible," Bruce pointed out as he stood up.

"I've seen worse," Natasha stated watching him. 

"Sorry...," Bruce looked like a kicked puppy.

"No. We could use a little worse.."

"Tony, he's here," Bucky announced. 

"Banner?" Tony asked.

"Just like you said."

"The tell him to suit up. I'm bringing the party to you," Tony supplied when all the sudden, his suit came flying around a corner followed by this mass of horror and nightmares.

"Holy hell..." Bucky sighed.

"I..I don't really see how that's a party," Natasha cocked her head to the side. 

"Bruce, now might be the time to get green," Bucky looked at him.

"That's my secret... I'm always angry," Bruce stated with a small smile and started to swell and turn green. He let out a large roar and goes after the large flying alien.

It doesn't take Bruce long to take apart the alien and soon Bucky has to shield himself away from the debris of it.

"Guy," Natasha pointed out once more aliens flew out of the hole.

"Call it," Tony stated.

"Fine, listen up. Until we can get close to that portal up there, we're gonna use containment. Clint, you're on the roof with eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Tony, you got perimeter. Anything that gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or destroy it," Bucky ordered out. 

"You wanna give me a lift?" Clint asked Tony.

"Right. Better clench up Legolas," Tony joked and picked Clint up. 

"Thor, try and bottleneck that portal, slow them down as much as possible. You've got the lightning, light the bastards up," Bucky speaks and Thor flies away, " Natasha,  you and me will stay here on the ground, keep the fighting here,  and hulk? Smash."

Bruce gives him a large grin and proceeds to leap and begin tearing through the soliders. 

Bucky and Natasha go through countless soldiers and he can tell she's getting tired. She almost even fires at him.

"None of this is gonna mean a damn thing if we don't close that portal," she sighed lowering the gun.

"Even out biggest guns couldn't touch it," Bucky replied.

"Well maybe it's not about guns..." She gestured towards the flying chariots.

"You wanna get up there, you're gonna need a ride."

"I got a ride, I could use a lift though," she smiled at him nervously. 

"You sure about this..?" He asked as she back up reading herself.

"Yeah... it's gonna be fun," she joked pathetically and ran at him. Bucky uses the shield and the strength in his metal arm to propel her high into the sky; luckily she makes it and flies away with the enemy.

Bucky is left alone and continues fighting until Clint calls in; by now he has three broken rips and two fracture ones, his cheek bone is probably shattered, and he's got a few holes from the guns scattered across his body (he also has a pretty funny looking limp).

"Bucky, the bank on 42nd past Madison, they caught alot civilians up in there," Clint informed.

"Got it," Bucky shot off towards the bank.

Bucky scales the building and throws himself through the window of the building. He goes after the bomber first and knocks him flying with the shield and then he has to duck for cover when the others take aim at him. He uses a desk that he knocks over and grabs a fallen rifle. He hikes his metal arm over the desk and takes fire on the soldiers. 

Once the rifle looses it's value (the ammo), he chunks the desk at the soldiers and proceeds to put one of them in a headlock. He slings the soldier into the one approaching behind him and the two go toppling over the railing. The bomb begins to beep faster and Bucky starts to panic as he holds off another soldier.

"Get the hell out!! Now!" Bucky hollered as the mob began to file out quickly.

He slams the soldier onto the ground and grabs the shield just as the bomb beeps faster. The remaining enemy dives after the bomb to stop it; he's too late and the explosion sends Bucky backwards and onto the hood of a car. 

"Shit...," Bucky wheezes as the wind was knocked out of him. He counts two more broken ribs.. Once he caught his breath he rolled tenderly off the car and dropped to the ground clutching his chest. He surveys the damage with a wince; fires, destruction, and debris everywhere. Luckily the people are mostly okay..

Next thing Bucky knows he's side by side with Thor fighting for their lives. There were too many of them and they were getting tired. That's probably why Bucky didn't see the energy beam that hit him in the stomach and sent him flying backwards. He hit hard and yet again the wind was forced out of his lungs. 

Thor had to help him up because Bucky failed the first time.

"You ready for another bout?" Thor joked wearily.

"Why? You gettin' sleepy?" Bucky wheezed with a tired grin.

"I can close it! Can anybody hear me? I can shut the portal down," Natasha's voice broke through the chip in Bucky's ear.

"Do it!" Bucky called.

"No wait!" Tony interrupted.

"Why? These things are still coming!"

"I got a nuke coming in and it's gonna blow in less than a minute. And I know just where to put it," Tony explained with a hint of desperation in his voice. This was a suicide mission and he knew it.

"Tony... you know that's a one way trip, right?" Bucky asked with wide eyes watching the Iron Man speed across the sky.

Tony never answered him, but that was answer enough. Father like son... both good noble men and no matter what anyone says, they are both heroes in Bucky's eyes. Yes they were both assholes and really pissed Bucky off sometimes but it still didn't change the fact that they were both noble guys (with flaws).

Bucky watched as Tony sped towards the hole and suddenly disappeared. The soldiers around them began to tremble and drop, Tony did it.

"Come on Stark," Natasha whispered.

"Close it," Bucky forced out after a while of no response from Tony.

The hole began to close and a speck appeared just as it was almost gone. Bucky began to smile until he saw Tony wasn't moving; he just kept falling and falling... 

"He's not slowing down," Thor declared gravely and Hulk lept out of nowhere and caught Tony. He successfully scared the shit out of Bucky in the process.

The Hulk threw Tony on the ground and Thor tore the helmet off his face. Tony's reactor wasn't even glowing and he wasn't moving. Bucky's heart stopped... he'd lost another friend...  _Oh Fuck..._ He did-

The hulks anguished roar yanked Bucky out of his thoughts and suddenly Tony's eyes snapped open. He looked around frantically and panting heavily with wide eyes. Tony settled down when he realized where he was and who he was with.

"What the hell? What just happened? Please tell me no body kissed me," Tony began rambling and Bucky couldn't help but smile.

"We won," Bucky grinned wearily and finally relaxed.

"Alright. Hey. Alright. Good job guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is but I wanna try it," Tony continued to chatter on until Thor cut him off.

"We're not finished yet," Thor looked up at the tower.

"Shawarma after," Tony affirmed and Bucky helped him to his feet. 

They trudged up to the tower and proceeded to surrounded the washed-up god of mischief. Loki doesn't notice at first but then realizes he's not alone. He turns around slowly to meet the Avengers intense glares.

"If it's all the same to you," Loki started with a small smile, "I'll have that drink."

* * *

They met back up again a few days later and watched the two god's return to Asgard. Bucky wrapped himself up in his old army jacket and stayed beside Clint and Natasha the entire time. 

Once it was over they all went there separate ways for the time being. Bucky went to his apartment in Brooklyn so he could sort out all the crazy shit he'd witnessed over the last couple days. 

 

 


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the war with Loki and some insight on a certain MIA character.

_**"How the fuck did you lose a 6'2" SUPERSOLDIER?! He's an ape!!! A mindless ape who is on the list of the top ranking assassins!!!"** _ **an agent screamed at the idiots he had to work with. _"Pierce is gonna have our heads for this because you couldn't keep up with him!!"_**

The agents were cowering because they had lost HYDRA's ace in the hole. However, this wasn't the first time the little shit escaped their grasp but he was needed now more than ever. 

**_"It's the serum!!" One of them pleaded with wide eyes, "he suddenly snapped the other day and hasn't been right since!! The wiping has been losing its effect and he's been healing quicker."_ **

The Asset snapped right around the time Sergeant Barnes was found; however, none of them were smart enough to make the connection. 

**_"Get him back before he does something stupid!!," he screamed and all of the agents ran away trembling._ **

The Asset was more trouble than he worth in many of the agents minds. He was dangerous but no one would allow them to put him down. They just kept him and constantly wiping his brain. 

The little shit was rebellious and just over all a pain in the ass. He's killed more of their agents than they could count; it always happened when he woke up because his mind always healed while he was in cryo. He'd flip out and start flinging whatever he could wrap his hand around, this included the unfortunate agents that were too close.

The Asset would thing begin grabbing the medical tools and them rushing at the agents in front of the door. He was fast as hell and too strong for his own good; that's how they were able to sedate him. He'd wake up and be really off balance, as if he was comfortable with his own body. 

They took him down as soon as he would reach the door. Depending on the situation at the time would determine how they would get him down. One time they had to shoot him to do it and they weren't going to hesitate to do it again if the need be.

This time, from what the agents recalled, the Asset was already off at the beginning of the day but their superiors told them to go ahead and proceed with the mission. He seemed okay for the first bit until suddenly his turned his gun on the agents near him. He didn't kill the, he just maimed them. The Asset began to run after he dropped the gun, so began the chase. 

The soldiers didn't know what else to do so they started to shoot at the Asset. Only a few bullets hit though; one hit his hip and another one hit his shoulder, the rest grazed various parts of his body. Finally they came to a point where they cornered him and he went on a rampage. He ripped the door off a car and used it as a shield; suddenly he rushed them with the door and sent them all onto their backs in a daze.

They tried to get up but once they did, there was no sign of the asset. He was like a ghost; no traceable evidence, no blood left behind, and not a noise to be heard. They even noticed that some of their guns were missing. He was a smart son of a bitch; and then they realized that's why he was once called _Captain America._

What the soldiers didn't know was the Asset was recovering his memories at a much faster rate than usual. He knew something was up as soon as he saw that face on the paper...

_Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes has been located at last!!! After almost seven decades of being frozen in the Atlantic, Barnes has been found and unforced. What will America do now with one of their most important people of history back in their clutches? Send him back to war? Who knows?!_

That face was so familiar that if hurt to look at it for too long. He felt his heart beat faster and his stomach drop... that face... something bad happened and he could feel it. But it didn't matter he  _knew_ him. He had to find him, and he did a couple days later.

The familiar man slipped out of an apartment that made the Asset's head hurt. He watched the man closely to see if anything would be uncovered; all he could see was that man's face twisted in horror and grief as its quickly faded into the black. 

The Asset leaned his body against the brick wall to rest his aching wounds; he'd have to dig those out later before the wounds healed over them. As he was calculating the damage a name was called; the man had noticed him and was walking towards him.

" _Steve!"_ the man called with surprise and hope written across his features.

The Asset almost dropped right then and there; that name hurts him! He began to breathe harder just because of that name that past the man's lips. He was going to be sick-

_No. The Asset does not get sick!_

The man continued to walk towards him and the Asset- no Steve -bolted. Steve was scared and he ran until he reached his temporary hide-out. He heard the man trying to follow him for a bit until Steve lost him. 

_steve....Steve...STEVE..STEVE!!! STEVESTEVESTEVE!!! Steven Grant Rogers._

Steve promptly threw up as soon as his body collapsed at the door. He could already feel the chair clamp onto him as the memories were torn from his skull. Over and over! Never ending!! Why couldn't they leave him alone!! He doesn't want to kill people!! What would Bucky-!

He threw up again. Fuck!! Oh Bucky will hate him; Steve was ruined... tarnished. No one would want him anymore once they figured what he had done to all those people. Even Howard- Steve choked as a sob wracked his body. He curled up on his stomach and began to rock as memories slammed into his skull. 

_Bucky... I need you... please help me... Buck...._

Steve was alone and all he had was his thoughts. Suddenly he pushed himself up, his body trembling and creaking in protest, and walked to the bathroom. He past his reflection and had to stop for a moment.

He didn't know this man looking at back at him. His head was shaved and he had an unkempt beard. His blue eyes were hard and puffy. It was then Steve realized he was indeed crying... he reached up and touched the tears in confusion. Why was he crying? When did he begin? How did he stop it? 

Steve tore his eyes from the reflection and proceeded to dig the bullets out. He pushed his fingers into the wound and dug through the tear in the muscle without cringing. He'd have been hit if he made a noise or made a pained expression. The bullet in his hip was deep so he had to push his fingers deeper within the wound. Blood started a steady stream down his leg until it was absorbed by his pants. 

Finally he got the bullet out and dropped it in the sink and went after the one in his shoulder. The bullet had shattered and he had to find all the pieces. By the time he was down his shoulder was gushing blood and throbbing. Both wounds looked managed from his fingers and he had to sew them up. He had stolen a first aid kit earlier and proceeded to suture up the holes.

Steve dropped back to the ground after that and stared at the floor with a blank expression. He felt numb and confused. He honestly didn't know what to do now that he was away from HYDRA. What he did know was how bad it was gonna hurt when they got him back.

If Steve thought it was bad now, then he wouldn't be prepared for what was to come. So he had to make sure he didn't caught.

* * *

Bucky now couldn't tell if he imagined Steve or if it was real. It sure as hell felt like it was real, it looked like him... but at the same time it didn't. It was Steve but he looked.... hardened. He looked bone tired and broken in a way. Bucky tried to help him but he ran- MAYBE. He may have been imagining shit again.

_"Buck..," Steve's voice whispered in his head like he'd done a million times before._

It was nice back then but now all it did was make him panic. Bucky got out of his bed and decided to go for a run. Maybe with would make him relax a bit. It was dark out still by the time he began his run; the sun was still trying to come up.

He liked running now because... well for one thing he wasn't running for his life anymore. Another thing was he didn't tire as easily and he ran so fucking  _fast_ now. It was all exhilarating seeing the city pass him almost in a blur. 

Bucky was so entranced by his speed that he almost ran over this guy. He caught it at the last second.

"On your left," he grunted as he past the man. He was being nice but he scared the shit out of the man; he jumped and had to stop for a second. Bucky let out a huff of laughter and continued on.

"On your left," Bucky cut in the next time he saw the man.

"Uh huh, on my left got it," the man gritted out irritability. 

Bucky the saw the man again and he guesses the man heard his footsteps because he suddenly tensed up in agitation.

"Don't say it! Don't you say it!-"

"On your left."

"Come on!" the man growled and tried to keep up with Bucky but in the end had to stop. He was out of breath in barely anytime at all. 

The two men met up again when Bucky saw the other man panting against a tree.

"Need a medic? " Bucky teased. 

"I need a new set of lungs," the man laughed as he saw who Bucky was, "dude you just ran 13 miles in 13 minutes."

"I got a late start," Bucky joked with a grin.

"R-really? You should be ashamed of yourself," the man panted with a crooked smile, " 'should take another lap. Did you just take it? I assume you just took it."

"What unit you with?" Bucky asked.

"5th para-rescue," the man informed catching his breath," but now I'm working at the VA. Sam Wilson." 

"Bucky Barnes," Bucky replied helping Sam up.

"I figured," Sam grunted, "must've freaked you out coming home after the whole defrosting thing."

"You have no idea... it's good to meet you Sam."

"It's your bed right?" Sam asked suddenly confusing Bucky for a moment, "you're bed. It's too soft. When I was over there I would sleep on the ground and use rocks for pillows like a caveman. But now I'm home and I'm lyin' in my bed and it's like...-"

"Lying on a marshmellow. I feel like I'm gonna sink right to the floor.. How long?"

"Two tours. You must miss the good ol' days huh?"

"Well," Bucky grinned, "things aren't too terribly bad. Food is ALOT better; we used to boil everything, and internet. So helpful. I've been using it alot to catch up with things."

"Marvin Gaye, 1972. Trouble man soundtrack," Sam ordered with a chuckle, "everything you've missed jammed into one album."

"I'll put it on the list," Bucky laughed pulling out his notebook. He wrote it right under Rocky, Tony wanted him to catch up on the classics. "Alright Sam, thanks for the run.... if that's what you wanna call running."

"Oh that's how it is?" Sam challenged with a smirk.

"Oh that's how it is."

"Oh okay," Sam laughed, "anytime you wanna stop by the VA and make me look awesome in front of the girl at the front desk, just let me know."

"I'll keep it in mind," Bucky affirmed and turned around to jog back to his apartment. 

Natasha and Clint were there waiting for him.

"Should I even bother asking how you got in," Bucky asked.

"Think hard enough and you'll figure it out," Natasha teased.

"Hey Bucky," Clint greeted as he raided Bucky's fridge, "you know you're a little lacking on food."

"Well I wasn't expecting company," Bucky shrugged.

"Even for one person this is a small amount of food," Clint looked at him strangely.  It bothered Bucky at first but then he shrugged it off and decided to go change. When he came back out Natasha and Clint were whispering to each other.

"Alright so why are you two here?" Bucky asked raising an eyebrow in suspicion. 

"We just wanted to see how you were fairing," Natasha replied as she stretched out on his couch. 

"Yeah, it's been a while since we've seen each other," Clint nodded. 

"I haven't really seen anybody since the battle," Bucky admitted with a shrug, "I've been trying to figure things out."

"Have you seen Steve around lately?" Natasha suddenly asked.

"Oh yeah Nat told me you saw him the other day," Clint piped up whipping his head to Bucky in curiosity.

"Unfortunately that's a no," Bucky crossed his arms, "I'm starting to doubt whether or not I even saw him in the first place. It was too surreal."

"Maybe not," Clint supplied, "I've seen some weird shit lately and Steve being alive wouldn't be the craziest."

"How are you feeling Clint?" Bucky changed the subject and thankfully the two of them let him. 

"Shitty," Clint grunted in agitation," Everyone is scared I'm gonna snap and start shooting everyone. They've put me through so many rehabs and counseling that I'm about to blow the fuck up. They're-"

"Treating you like Bruce," Bucky stated.

"Exactly."

"So are you done with all your counseling and rehabilitation?"

"I sure as hell hope so. How did you get through all of it?" Clint asked. That's right Bucky was  _supposed_ to do all of it but he didn't. He outright refused to and at one point they tried to force him.

* * *

_Natasha was the one they sent to collect the mess that was Bucky Barnes._

_He was in his little hospital room and he hadn't spoken a word all day. Bucky would flinch when someone touched him and he refused to sleep or eat. It had only been a few days since he had been defrosted._

_"Bucky?" Natasha called into the room and Bucky didn't respond. He just started there staring out the window like he always did. The doctors believe it was his coping mechanism... after all he had gone through some major traumatic things and he still hadn't worked out the stuff from before the plane crash._

_"Bucky," she tried again and walked towards him cautiously, "it's time for a doctors appointment." He didn't move so she gave up and sat down at a chair in the room. She whipped out her phone and decided to just fuck around until someone else was sent to get him._

_"Mr. Barnes, " sure enough a man opened the door calling his name. Nothing happened again and Natasha watched closely for what was about to happen. The man must have never been around people like Bucky and Natasha before; she knew this by how he walked in without caution and wariness. When you're around veterans, you need to be careful._

_The idiot decided since he couldn't catch his attention verbally, that he would touch Bucky. The man clamped his hand on Bucky's soldier and needless to say the man went flying. Bucky's eyes dashed around frantically as the man pulled himself from the ground._

_"Sorry," Bucky grunted softly and numb. He looked blank, like he wasn't all there._

_The idiotic nurse decided that wasn't good enough so he called in a hostile paitent._

_"Bad idea," Natasha warned as the security bag tramping down the hall and swarming Bucky. Natasha then decided Bucky could handle himself and that she wasn't going to interfere unless she seriously needed to._

_Bucky took down the agents just as easily Natasha speculated; he knocked out anyone that came close to him. He actually snapped when they came after him with needles, he started panicking as a flash back hit him._

_"Not again!" He yelled as he flung people around. They set him off and Natasha got up with a sigh._

_"Bucky," she called as the security picked themselves up, "calm down. It's not what you think."_

_"But Zola-," he whipped his head around to her and showed her his terrified gray eyes._

_"Is dead," she reasoned and walked to him. She put her body in front of the security and dared them to try and touch Bucky._

_"I fucking hate needles," he panted out with his heart pounding in his ears._

_"Send the doctor in here, Bucky isn't going anywhere," she ordered and the medical staff begrudgingly filed out._

_Later the doctor came in nervously, he expected another rampage it seemed. However, Bucky was calm and he was actually speaking quietly with Natasha about dance. She quite enjoyed that._

_"H-hello," the doctor cleared his throat and Bucky looked up, "I'm Dr. Robert Hare."_

_Bucky didn't say anything, just simply stared at him._

_"Can you speak please?" Dr. Hare pleaded, apparently the silence was unsettling him. Bucky didn't do anything, "o-okay.."_

_"I think we need a new doctor," Natasha observed._

_"N-No. I've got this, " he spoke and took a deep breath settling his nerves. "Okay... Mr. Barnes-"_

_"Bucky," Bucky announced startling the timid Doctor._

_"Okay," he nodded, "I heard you weren't eating. Why?"_

_"Not hungry."_

_"You need to eat."_

_"Not. Hungry."_

_"Okay.. Why aren't you sleeping? Nightmares?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Can you tell me about them?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Will you tell me about them?" The doctor asked after waiting a minute, he was expecting Bucky to actually explain them._

_"No."_

_"Well.. are they about the ice?"_

_"No."_

_"The experimentation? "_

_"Someimes."_

_"Steve?"_

_"Don't talk about him," Bucky glared from beneath his bangs. His hair was too long and it was almost covering his eyes. It was unnerving to see the striking gray eyes, glaring with too much intensity, peaking through the curtain of his hair._

_"Okay," the doctor gulped, "are they about the war?"_

_"Sometimes."_

_"Did you try to kill yourself on that plane?" Bucky froze._

_"...yeah."_

_"Why?"_

_"We're done here," Bucky suddenly announced._

_"No we aren't."_

_Bucky flipped a table and the doctor scrambled out with a squeal. Needless to say he didn't have to go back to another one._

* * *

"He didn't have to," Nat laughed.

"You son of a bitch," Clint growled in bitterness, "teach me your secrets."

"You gotta be scary Clint, which you aren't," Bucky laughed, "plus you gotta have one of these." Bucky lifted up his metal arm.

"Can I touch it?"

"Go ahead, be careful though it might pinch you." 

Clint ran his hand along it and the plating ruffled like feathers. It made a quiet whirling noise as it switched gears and Clint grinned.

"This thing is cool as hell," Clint stated and then got pinched. He automatically started cursing it as Bucky laughed.

"Don't blame the arm," he howled with laughter, "it's all your fault for jamming your finger down in one of the crevices."

"I wanted to see how deep it went! You did it on purpose!"

"Have you let Stark take a look at it?" Natasha changed the subject.

"I told you, I haven't been social since the battle," Bucky denied as he sat down, "plus I don't know what kind of terms we are on."

"Weren't you friends with his father?" Clint asked.

"Yeah."

"Then shouldn't it be the same as befriending Howard?"

"That's the problem; it's exactly like befriending Howard."

"I'm confused," Clint furrowed his eyebrows.

"Aren't you always?" Natasha jested.

"Shut it. Now explain Barnes."

"Well," Bucky thought back to the old days, "Howard and I hated each other when we first met. He was tbe dick that could have killed Steve with that sketchy serum and I resented him for risking Steve's life. I don't really know why he didn't liked me and I guess I'll never know.

Steve's the reason we became friends. Basically the little punk shoved ups together until we got along. It didn't work for a while; we actually got into fist fights if Howard was feeling particularly receptive to my jabs. Finally we got along after I came back from a grueling day and collapse beside him. When I say that I mean I literally passed out in front of him. Scared the shit out of him. He nursed me back to consciousness until they could locate Steve. We became friends after that."

"Okay... so maybe you need to pass out on Tony," Clint laughed.

"He'd step over your body," Nat joked. 

"I thought Howard would do that too but..," Bucky shrugged, "people can be deceiving."

"Let's go get a drink," Clint unexpectedly proposed.

"Okay..," Bucky agreed and they headed out. On their way there Bucky swore he felt someone following him.

* * *

They found Steve about two weeks after the battle of New York; he was following Bucky. They had to ambush him. Simplistically they pushed Steve off the building he was currently on.

Steve broke one of his legs when he hit the pavement and busted his head. He tried to get up and run while his body was mending itself but the healing wasn't fast enough. 

He was surrounded and panting heavily.

"Come on Asset," one of them coaxed, "you need to come back with us... you have been doing such a good job."

"My name is Steve!"

"He's too far gone."

The agents took him down quickly; further damaging his already broken leg in the process. The broken bone stuck through the skin now when a agent put their body weight on it. They covered his mouth before he could cry out and jammed a syringe in his neck.

They found the perfect dosage of sedative back in the 80's. He was out like a light and they let his body drop the ground.

"We've got him," an agent called into his ear piece and they drug the Asset's body into the van.

Steve soon woke up strapped to a metal table with IV's in his arms; the IV's were there to keep him lethargic and groggy. They liked him to be awake, especially when he was naughty.

Right now they digging around in his thigh trying to shift the bone back in place. Steve also wouldn't doubt if they were taking out samples of his muscle again. 

"You're awake," one of the doctors look up and smiled sweetly.

"You were counting on it," he gritted out.

"I've been put under special orders not to give you any anesthetic;  they said you need to learn your lesson and that they will be back soon for your recalibration," she explained in a soft tone and that's when Steve began to struggle. 

"No! I will not have it taken from me again..!" he slurred and pathetically thrashed his noodle limbs. He didn't do much damage other than knocking over an already unsteady table beside him.

"Now now," she cooed from above him, "let's not be bad now, you were doing so good a minute ago."

"Don't touch me..!"

"Bad boy," she giggled, "bad boys are so much more fun anyway. That's why we are pursuing James." She began to mumble to herself and Steve went rigid.

"James...?" His head lolled around on the table and he couldn't focus his eyes.

"Frankly," she began as she dropped back to fixing his leg, "you're being too troublesome, they're looking for a replacement. Someone more submissive in a way.. and who better than James Buchanan Barnes?"

"Not Bucky.." he whimpered, "he doesn't deserve this.."

"Do you think anyone actually cares if he deserves it or not?" she asked as men strolled in to begin the recalibration. 

"Ready?" The man grunted and the doctor nodded and glided out the door giddy.

"No...no," Steve shook his head rapidly as they put him in the chair.

The chair clenched onto his body tightly- too tight. Steve whimpered quickly as the chair bent backwards and he heard the sizzling zaps of electricity in his ears. He only had a moment to prepare until....-

Until what exactly? The Asset doesn't remember.

"What's your name?" A man barked at him.

"Names are irrelevant," the Asset promptly replied looking blank.

"Where are you?"

"The Asset doesn't need to know location unless specifically stated in the mission requirements."

"He's good," the man stood up and walked away as another man came in his place. This man was wearing a suit and his hair was pushed back.

"Someone come and groom him," the he spoke.

"Yes Mr. Pierce," a woman spoke and grabbed a razor.

"You've been a very bad boy lately," Pierce spoke as if he was talking with a kid as the woman began shaving his head, "but you wanna be good now right?"

"Yes sir."

"Good boy, now I need you to do something very important for me. Like you've done before." Pierce snapped his fingers and an agent came rushing in with a folder on the Asset's new target.

_Director Nick Fury._

* * *

Bucky was working out when Sam found him the next time. They chatted for a bit while Bucky rehydrated himself and then they both decided to grab a coffee.

"You know I meant to ask you last time," Sam started as he sat down with his cup, "but how exactly does that arm work?" Bucky was way past being sensitive about it and maybe Sam knew; he did, however, get sensitive about it when he's put under too much pressure.

"It is directly linked to my nervous system actually," Bucky took a sip of his coffee, "basically it's like any other arm just more shiny and metal."

"Does it hurt at all?"

"Not really, it's not like any prosthetic," Bucky moved it around to show him, "I can't ever take it off and it's like it's not even there. Let me guess you wanna touch it?"

"Yeah man," Sam reached out gingerly, "can you feel it?"

"For the most part. It's not as sensitive as my real one but I can feel being touched to an extent."

"This is really cool Bucky."

"Yeah I get alot of stares.." Bucky sighed.

"Oh don't let it bother you," Sam comforted.

"I just don't like being the center of attention, it bothers me and makes my hair stand on end."

"I met your friend Nat, " Sam said out of the blue.

"Yeah?"

"She's really hot," Sam admitted with a laugh, "but also very scary."

"I thought that too at first," Bucky laughed warmly.

"She's real nice though when she deems you worthy," Sam grinned, "she told me to keep an eye on you."

"What?" Bucky cocked his head to the side like a cat, "keep an eye on me? Why?"

"Bucky," Sam spoke slowly and softly putting down his cup," have you ever heard of a term called 'shell-shock' or 'battle fatigue'?" Bucky suddenly went cold and rigid.

"Nope," Bucky lied through his teeth Sam could see straight through it...but he didn't say anything about it.

"Well nowadays it's call Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; it's caused by sudden traumatic events in one's life," Sam explained, "basically it's mostly soldiers who have it but others can get it as well. Like people who experience a rape, tragic death, or even a near-death experience."

"Let me guess you and Nat think I have this... thing..."

"It's a disorder and yes.."

"I don't," Bucky stood up.

"Wait Bucky, I know what you're thinking but this is the kind of thing I handle at the VA. Just hear me out." Sam could see the hesitation in Bucky but in the end he relented and sat down with a sigh.

"I'm listening," he grunted.

"Thank you...," Sam smiled, "it really isn't what you think Bucky. Back then it was considered cowardice and shameful, correct?"

"Yeah..."

 


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony makes a proposition to Bucky and Thor bonds with Bucky.

"Hey there twinkle-toes," Tony beamed as he slid into a chair beside Bucky and Sam.

"You're lacking on your nicknames," Bucky sighed.

"I've been a little off lately," Tony replied easily.

"Sam, this is Tony Stark," Bucky introduced and the two shook hands, "Tony this is Sam Wilson."

"Nice to meet you," Tony grinned.

"Pleasure is all mine Mr. Stark," Sam smiled politely.

"Please, call me Tony."

"Alright Tony."

"Tony, not to seem rude of anything," Bucky sipped his coffee, "but why are you here?"

"I'm here to give you an invitation."

"An invitation? An invitation to what?"

"Well it's more like a truce," Tony shrugged, "in a way."

"So what are you proposing?"

"Come live with me in the tower."

"Eh?" 

"There's an entire level... well correction. Many levels and you can pick which one," Tony laughed.

"I already have an apartment-"

"It's an Avenger's thing Bucky, you're the last one for me to recruit."

"You actually got Nat and Clint to agree-"

"Surprising right? That's what I thought too but it didn't take them lone at all."

"I don't think you want a PTSD-"

"PTSD," Tony corrected.

"You're in on this too aren't you? Why am I even surprised?" Bucky sighed.

"Honey, I'm always in on this kind of stuff."

"Nosey bastard..."

"I'm just well informed," Tony retorted good naturedly and Bucky put his head on the table.

"Don't you hate me though?"

"I treat all my friends like that."

"Bullshit."

"I was having a rough day?"

"Try again."

"Okay maybe I'm still a little butthurt about the whole...," Tony gestured with his hands to delay saying something, "....Howard thing."

"That's more probable."

"Anyway. I want you to come live with the rest of us at the Tower."

"Stark Tower?"

"No, Avengers Tower."

"Tell me how this is even a remotely good idea?"

"Well you'll be surrounded by people like you for one-" 

"What do you mean?" Bucky lifted his head to peer at Tony.

"You think you're the only one who can't sleep?" Tony asked suddenly serious, "you think you're the only one that just doesn't feel like eating half the time? works yourself until you pass put from exhaustion? That- anyway what I mean is you'll be around people who understand."

"Are you implying you feel the same."

"For once this isn't about me. Shocking right?"

"...Who all will be there?"

"Nat, myself, Clint, Bruce, you.. hopefully, Thor... when he's here, and sometimes Pepper," Tony explained. 

"You're not gonna experiment on me while I'm sleeping, right?" Bucky joked.

"Don't tempt me."

"I think it's a good idea," Sam spoke up and Bucky turned towards him.

"See he likes it," Tony wiggled his eyebrows at Bucky in a, what was supposed to be, persuasive manner.

"Yeah, it'll be good to be social but not overcrowded in social situations," Sam thoughtfully informed, "you'll be around people you know and trust. People who remotely know the general idea of what you're going through and can give some good input."

"You remind me of Rhodey," Tony said our of nowhere but Sam ignored him.

"You're making me sound like a damsel in distress," Bucky hissed bitterly.

"No no! I don't mean it like that," Sam smiled apologetically, "what I mean is this could be nothing but beneficial to you, plus you won't be alone anymore."

"I can also take a good look at that arm and give it a few upgrades," Tony promised.

"...I won't give up my apartment in Brooklyn," Bucky announced firmly narrowing his eyes, daring them to try and deny him that.

"You won't have to," Tony affirmed.

"You can have the New York one... I don't like it anyway... I need a change of scenery I guess..," Bucky relented and Tony shot out of his chair excitedly.

"I'll have your stuff moved immediately!"

"Wait-," Bucky tried but Tony was already gone.

"Guess you got yourself a new place," Sam laughed.

"I guess so. My head still spinning from that conversation though... he's way too fast for me."

"I've heard that's just the Stark way."

"You have no idea," Bucky laughed loudly.

* * *

_"One... Two...Three.... Keep going Stevie...you're doing great," Bucky whispered as Steve clung to him trying to catch his breath._

_Steve had woken up wheezing as his breathing turned to gasping; he woke Bucky up in the process. Now Bucky was leaning against the wall with Steve digging his bony fingers in his arms, hard enough to bruise, counting for Steve to match._

_"Just listen to my breathing Steve... four... five....."_

_Steve was sobbing into his chest, which wasn't helping, and Bucky was rubbing his back to calm him. This wasn't the first time this happened; far from the truth actually._

_"Buh-..! Buh- Buck...!" Steve gasped in his ear trembling._

_"Calm down Steve... s-shhh," Bucky hushed. He wasn't calm. Not even close. He was panicking so hard right now like he always did at times like thes, but him panicking wasn't going to help Steve. So, he feigned the expression of calmness and turned his attention from himself onto the trembling bunch in his arms._

_"I-I...c-cuh...can't... breathe...!" he whimpered and Bucky turned Steve so he was laying with his back on Bucky's chest._

_"Talking isn't going to help.." Bucky lifted Steve's chin up, "now breathe with me. One...two...three..."_

_Slowly Bucky was able to get Steve to calm down enough to help his breathing. The attack was gone and it left Steve a sobbing mess. Bucky held him close and wiped away his tears._

_"You did good...," he cooed softly. It was one of the only times Steve would let him actually take care of him. They couldn't ever afford Hospital treatment so it was always up to Bucky to help; not that he was complaining._

_"Thank you Buck...," Steve hiccuped. No one else but Bucky knew he did that; when Steve got extremely upset he'd begin hiccuping. Yes it was really sad when he started but... it was still kind of cute._

_"Don't thank me," he smiled weakly as Steve's eyes grew heavier each passing moment._

_"You're like a guardian angel..."_

* * *

Bucky headed to the tower after finishing his coffee with Sam; they'll meet up tomorrow morning for another run. He wasn't quite sure how he felt about these new arrangements... living in a tower surrounded by important heroes? 

Bucky was no hero. He was just the dumbass that was always in the right place at the wrong time. The things he did weren't heroic; heroes did things because it was the right thing to do and Bucky... well.... he wasn't like that. His morals were a little more screwed up than that. It's easier to say that he was on part with Tony and Loki: he did what he wanted. 

Tony was on the hero side of the spectrum and Loki, being on the total opposite,  was on the villain side. Bucky sat in the middle, he was more of a neutral party but tended ro lean a little more to the heroic side. However, Bucky would be lying if he denied being selfish or completely self-directed. 

What is meant by that is simply: he helps who he decides deserves it.  Yes, that sounds horrible but that's how he's always operated and that's exactly why he wasn't cut out for this. Steve would help anyone whether they deserved it or not... that's why Bucky was alive now. He sure as hell didn't deserve it. He was no angel.

So needless to say, Bucky was uncomfortable living in such an incredible place with such incredible people. He'd get over it soon enough, they were all nice people and very accepting.

"Buck!" Clint called from the kitchen.

"How come every time I see you, you're raiding a kitchen?" Bucky asked crossing his arms.

"Assassins gotta eat too," Clint said around a mouthful of a sandwich, "and at least there's actually food here."

"There was food at my apartment!" Bucky protested.

"No there wasn't," Nat jumped in as she passed Bucky.

"You guys are unbelievable, " Bucky threw his hands up in defeat and the two assassins laughed.

"You hungry?" Clint asked waving the other half of his sandwich around.

"Nah," Bucky sat down.

"Did Sam talk to you?" Nat looked at him.

"Yeah..."

"What do you think?"

"I don't really have an opinion on the matter."

"That's a lie."

"Doesn't really matter does it?" Bucky snaps and she doesn't even flinch. She was expecting the aggression.

"You're opinion always matters," she stated gravely.

"Bucky!" Thor boomed as he strode into the room with a great grin on his face.

"Hey Thor," Bucky wheezed as Thor wrapped his arms around him in a crushing hug.

"How have you fared?" 

"Good I guess... I'd be better if you weren't crushing me..."

"Oh sorry," he bellowed with a laugh and slapped Bucky on the back. He almost toppled Bucky over.

"It's fine," he waved off balancing himself.

"You look well," Thor inspected him.

"I feel well...?" Bucky didn't like being looked at so closely so he felt awkward and uncomfortable. 

Later Bucky traveled up to the upper levels of the tower; Tony reserved the upper floors for himself. He had been summoned by Jarvis while he was in the midst of looking around his new home. It seemed Tony was getting restless and really wanted to see Bucky's arm.

"Tony, I'm here," Bucky called out walking in the lab where Tony and Bruce shared the space.

"About time you got here," Tony moaned as he rolled out on a rolling chair with a bored expression.

"It took me 3 minutes..."

"3 minutes too long."

"Tony stop whining," Bruce chuckled from his spot standing over a microscope.

"Are you busy because I-" Bucky started.

"No it's fine, Tony might have a hernia if you leave him now," Bruce interrupted with a smile. 

"Quit chatting and come over here," Tony ordered.

"Pushy old man...," Bruce mumbled.

"I! Am not old," Tony declared," you on the other hand are very old."

"Not in looks, only in essence."

"Did you hear that Bruce he called me old," Tony gasped in mock offense.

"Cry me a river," Bruce muttered distracted. 

"Shut up Bruce. Now come sit down Bucky." Bucky sat across from Tony and laid his metal arm on the table. "May I?"

"Since you asked nicely," Bucky teased.

"Don't be a dick." 

"Can I see..?" Bruce asked softly when he lifted his head.

"You don't have to ask Bruce," Bucky looked over at him, "I'm not fragile and I'm not sore anymore about missing an arm."

"Thank you," Bruce walked over and stood beside Tony as he popped the arm open with a tool. They both peered into it with judgemental eyes.

"This isn't going to do," Tony grunted in exasperation.

"What do you mean?"

"It's a good piece of machinery but it's not up to par."

"He means it's not Stark worthy," Bruce reiterated, "He's right though, it's a good piece but it's not living up to its full potential."

"That's why SHIELD has me," Tony looked up," they don't know how to make machines work to their full potential so they use me."

"The man who understands machines better than people."

"Is that what they call me nowadays?"

"Among others."

"Of course."

"Can someone please explain a little better as to what you two mean," Bucky cut in impatiently.

"What we mean," Bruce explained," your arm is of goof quality machinery but the people who installed it in you weren't very good at what they do. The arm is only able to move but it has the potential to do so much more."

"And we can unlock that, if you'll let us," Tony stated.

"I think you'd do it anyway even if I denied," Bucky raised an eyebrow, "you'd probably wait until I was asleep."

"I won't deny it," Tony grinned, "but I won't admit it either."

"It'll only help things Bucky," Bruce spoke softly.

"Fine...," Bucky relented and layed back in his chair.

"Good choice my man," Tony grinned as the two set to work.

They worked on it for a solid three hours and at one point Bucky had fallen asleep. Bad idea because his luck would have it that he experiences a nightmare.

_"How can you save everyone if you couldn't save me...?" Steve's face appears full of betrayal._

_"How could you? You left me to die.."_

_"Bucky... I loved you and you killed me..."_

_"Bucky....bucky...BUCKY!"_

Bucky snapped awake in a frenzy, his heart racing and his breathing labored. He pushed Tony away with such force he flew across the floor and into the wall on the otherside. Bucky quickly stood up from the chair as Bruce backed away with his hands up in surrender. Bucky suddenly bolted from the room and locked himself up in one of the lesser used room on the floor. 

This was what Sam was talking about. He definitely needed help. Something was completely wrong.

Bucky had gotten himself in fetal position with his forehead pressed against the tiled floor and his hands clenched on either side of him. He was trying to get a grip on reality but he couldn't... _he couldn't._

"Bucky?" Sam's voice penetrated through the door.  Sam sounded worried... Bucky couldn't help but ask himself...how the hell had they gotten Sam over here so quickly?

"Hey buddy... you alright in there? You've been in there for a good 3 hours," Sam explained. That was why.... he felt like he had only been in there for 5 minutes. 

"I'm fine...," Bucky whispered through the door and sat up slowly.

"You sound like a train hit you."

"I feel like multiple hit me.."

"Well come out.."

"Okay Sam..."

* * *

Things went back to being as normal as possible; or at least as normal as if could for a group of superheroes. Things had gotten pretty chill after Bucky was coaxed out of the bathroom by Sam; this being followed by a deep genuine apology from Bucky to Tony and Bruce. They understood and all was forgiven pretty quickly afterwards.

Bucky has been spending a lot of time with Thor while the team is off doing their own things. They actually get along really good; they both have no fucking clue as to how this new 'world' ticks. They bonded over that.

Thor really likes to listen to Bucky retell stories of his 'warrior days', as Thor likes to refer to it as. In exchange Bucky likes to fuck around with Thor in various different ways. One way: trying to pick up Mjölnir. 

"So only worthy people can pick this thing up right?" Bucky asked as he approached the hammer on the ground. 

"Correct," Thor grinned and sat back to watch Bucky make a fool out of himself.

"Do you mind?"

"Not at all, go on ahead."

Bucky braced himself and wrapped his hand around the handle. 

"Here we go..." Bucky whispered as he yanked on the hammer and felt it give a little. He saw the raw panic/awe in Thor's eyes.

"No mere mortal can pick up Mjölnir, " Thor laughed nervously and for a week after that Bucky would try and try...and try...and try.

Other than that Bucky loved to fight with Thor. That man would take anything Bucky dished out without batting an eyelash when Bucky's feeling stressed. No one else could say the same... they all tried but Bucky was too heavy handed apparently.  

Tony complained about Bucky denting his suits but he just wanted to get back to the lab (the way he handles stress).

Bruce doesn't wanna accidentally Hulk-out. 

Clint whines that he's hitting too god damn hard and hides in the air vents.

Natasha flat out denies it, as well as Sam.

Thor always enthusiastically agrees and let's Bucky beat the shit out of him. Just like now.

As of now Bucky is panting heavily as he aims his knuckles for Thor's ribcage. Bucky doesn't have to hold back with the demigod, he takes full advantage of that, he even used his metal arm. He kicked Thor's feet out from under him when he was too busy blocking Bucky's onslaught of jabs at his abdomen and chest. 

Bucky hopped on top of Thor until he was kicked off; soon Thor was back on his feet and advancing towards Bucky. Bucky pulled back to his feet only to deliver a full blown drop kick to Thor's hard chest. They both went down but Bucky rolled back up gracefully. Thor just pushed off the ground forcefully and let Bucky throw whatever he had at him.

Once Bucky was thoroughly drained Thor sat on the ground beside him and checked his body for injuries. As always Bucky didn't leave a mark on him except maybe a few bruises if he was being too aggressive.

"Bucky, what ails you so?" Thor asked in concern. . The bastard wasn't even out of breath as Bucky fought to regain his.

"Nothing," Bucky spoke curtly and put a hand over his face.

"We have battled more than four times this week," Thor sighed, "it does not seem like nothing."

"Thor.. you honestly don't want to know. Let's just leave it at that."

"No. I lost someone I held very dearly to me because I 'left things at that'. I refuse to lose another, now speak your mind."

"This is an exercise room not a confession booth," Bucky snapped agitated and Thor's face hardened in reslove. 

"Fine," Thor snatched him up and threw Bucky over his shoulder, "we shall leave this room to find a confession booth."

"If I may sir," Jarvis's voice interjected from the speakers around them, embedded in the ceiling, "Mister Barnes room should suffice for those intents and purposes." 

Thor grunted in affirmation, thanked the AI, and trudged along to the elevator ignoring Bucky all the while.

 


	9. IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Asset sets out on his mission and he... fucks up big time.

_He couldn't breathe...!_

"Should we stop?" A man's voice asked.

"No he needs to be taught a lesson," another commanded firmly.

The Asset didn't know what he did that was so wrong...! They won't let him start on his new mission until he's been thoroughly punished for something he didn't know about. 

They pushed the Asset's head back under the ice water as they had been doing for four hours now. He was trembling and he couldn't move; they had his arms strapped behind his back and his legs were restrained as well. They do this until he almost passes out and then they pull him out for long enough to snap him out of his stupor. They then shove his head back under.

The Asset can't feel his face anymore and his eyes are burning from the freezing temperature they are submerged in. He feels like death and the men around him don't even care. Wasn't he a hero though? He rid the world of who they asked him to without hesitation. They told him he was the perfect soldier that was making a difference in this warped world.

They let him come up with a wet gasp and harsh coughs. He threw up once or twice but now when he gagged nothing but acid came up. They hadn't fed him since he was given the file: that was at least 3 days ago. His whole body was in agony and he was having to be held up because his legs wouldn't support his weight. He felt like death incarnated.

"Asset. Have you learned your lesson?"

"Ye-" The Asset was sent sprawling to the floor from the strike to the face he was given.

"Do not look your superiors in the eyes!! Dunk him."

They shoved him in the water and he cried out. The air in his lungs was stripped away as soon as he opened his mouth and he inhaled water. The bubbles around him slowly began to cease in their making as his lungs filled up with water. The blackness was seeping in around the corners of his vision when he was yanked out and thrown the floor.

They had him in a room with no windows and only one door; the entire room was surrounded in a cage that had layers to it. The only way to the door was to get through the many gates. 

Inside the room was his  _chair,_ a table that contained various instruments of torture or medical reasons (depending on how well he did that particular job), and a tank of water. He was curled up under the tank as of now hacking up the water inside his lungs. They unlocked his limbs and we're beginning to lift him up when a voice cut through the silence.

"Leave him be," the man in charge ordered as the men filed out the prison.

The Asset wouldn't ever be killed, he was too valuable. However, that didn't mean they wouldn't bring him close to death if he fucked up. He wasn't exempt from punishments and if anything they were probably harder on him than any of their other weapons. They held high expectations of him and there were consequences to falling short.

Electrocution... Cryosleep.... Dunking... and experimenting were just a few of their creative punishments for him. They always wanted a piece of him and he didn't know why. They also liked to punish him when they got the results of their experiments on him back. They would never tell him why so he gave up asking and just took it like a good boy.

They like to see how far they could push his healing factor before it would fail and he would begin to die. He's nearly died eight times due to this... they took things too far sometimes (especially Rumlow). Rumlow doesn't like the Asset because he was able to take down Rumlow while drugged. He slit his throat and Rumlow nearly died at the assassins feet.

The guards love to come visit him. When they do they release whatever anger they've built up over the day on the Asset's body, knowing it will be gone and healed in the morning. They beat him with whatever they can get their hands on because they want to get him to the point he can't defend himself anymore. They learned that if they do it quick enough they don't have to be so paranoid, with good reason. 

The first few times they tried it.. Steve snapped and ended up killed a good twelve of the guards who attacked him (originally there had been fifteen). The last three had ran like hell and then returned the next day with a vengeance to revenge their fallen comrades. 

Once the Asset was calmer, he sat up and walked to his corner of the room. Then he proceeded to slide down the wall and put his head between his knees. His eyelashes dripped water onto the ground and some even slid down his purpling cheeks.

He could now feel the sleep deprivation settling in; he wasn't allowed to sleep when he was bad, sleeping is a privilege. The Asset's eyes were bloodshot and dull.. he could feel the dark bags under his eyes as he sat there. He wanted to sleep but he knew if he did... things would be much worse than they are now. 

The Asset made up his mind, he will make sure to be a good boy for this assignment. He will do his job so well that the doctors will reward him and maybe he won't have to be wiped again.. or maybe no more cryofreeze. He will preform his duty admirably and make this world a better place.

"Get up," the door slammed open and the Asset shot up keeping his eyes to the ground. "Time to go Asset, get ready."

"Yes sir," the Asset limped out as his wounds melded closed and his face set in determination. 

They suited him up and began handed him his weapons. When he was done he was escorted out of the HYDRA facility and into the back of a van. Six other agents filed in behind him to keep an eye on the Asset, then the doors where slammed shut and they were off.

"Is that Captain America?" One whispered, apparently he didn't know about the enhanced hearing. Needless to say, the Asset was confused as they were referencing him as  _Captain America._

"At one point," the other smirked.

"Wow... their scientists are really good..."

"Nah they just know their anatomy... they just fry his circuits until he forgets his own name."

"I hear he heals really quickly though."

"Oh he does... it's fucking awesome watching the skin mesh together after it was sliced open. So they have to do it constantly and that's what the cryochamber is for."

"You're a sadist."

"Hah! No that man across from you is one."

"Captain America would never-"

"You just marveled about how good they did a minute ago and now you're denying the truth. That man is not Captain America, that is the Asset. Captain America died falling from a train cart and in his place was born a killer."

The Asset snapped both of their necks by the time they reached their destination and the other four agents didn't do a thing.

"You aren't allowed to speak on a mission..," the Asset muttered in explanation as the bodies dropped to the floor.

Once they let the Asset he was quickly debriefed on the mission at hand.

"Director Nick Fury, " the agent reminded and set the Asset off.

He was told about his targets usual locations and sure enough, Nick Fury was headed into one as of now. The location was a flashy tower with an over sized 'A' on it. The Asset followed the target by scaling the buildings along side him in the shadows.

The target stopped on one of the upper floors and was speaking to a group of men and a few women. They seemed deeply engaged and in deep thought at the moment; the Asset picked this moment to finalize the mission. He whipped out of his gun, took aim, and pulled the trigger.

* * *

Bucky was called into another boring ass meeting when Fury deemed their off time over. He thought the Avengers had enough dormant time and that they needed to get back out there.

"There are too many threats out there for you guys to be here sitting on your asses," Fury chastised as if they were a group of children. 

Bucky was exaggerating... the days off weren't really permitted by the SHIELD, they were just taken.

"Like what?" Bucky challenged and received a glare from Fury.

"I think you forget how magnetic humans are when it comes to potentially lethal things." 

"The normal people gotta keep their own sometimes," Tony shrugged, "we can't save everyone."

"Exactly, we needed this downtime more than anyone on this planet," Bucky agreed narrowing his eyes at Fury and Fury backed down.

"Fine fine, it's in the past anyway," Fury sighed, "anyway it's time for you guys to make another appearance."

"I knew it was coming sooner or later," Clint groaned.

"Then stop being a baby," Nat punched him in the shoulder, "you should have prepared better."

"Something feels off," Thor muttered to himself and frowned looking around. No one heard him except Bruce.

"I feel it too," Bruce spoke nervously and walked to where the floor-to-ceiling windows where, behind Fury.

"So when do we start?" Tony asked Fury.

"Now," Fury announced.

Nat and Clint were arguing with each other (accompanied by punches on Nat's end), Bruce and Thor were trying to figure out their bad feelings, and Bucky, Tony and Fury were discussing Avenging and whatnot.

Bucky was standing directly across from Fury and the window when it happened.....

The window suddenly shattered and glass rained on the three of them. Fury suddenly dropped to the ground with a thud and a gasp.

Bucky felt Fury's blood splatter onto his face. There was a sniper on the tower across from them!!

Bruce back pedaled in surprise and Thor finally found out his hair raising feelings too late. Nat and Clint hopped up and tan towards Fury. And Tony...

"Bucky..," Tony looked at him with wide eyes speaking slowly and cautiously, "what color is your shirt...?"

"It's not the time to be asking about fashion," Bucky snapped as he checked Fury's pulse and he felt it decreasing," Jarvis call a doctor now!"

"Already done sir," Jarvis' voice called out.

"Stop moving Bucky," Clint ordered firmly.

"Hell no! Fury's dying and you guys are being ridiculous! Either help or get out of my way!!" Bucky felt sweat running down his stomach and back, which was odd but he ignored it. His blood was rushing in his ears and his heart was racing as he tried to help Fury.

"Bucky!! Will you listen for a god damn second!!" Tony grabbed him and Bucky jerked away.

"Fuck off!!" Bucky roared and suddenly the world stopped moving. Tony was covered in blood. "Holy shit!! Are you alright?!"

"This isn't my blood..." Tony looked at him in horror and Bucky looked down. Bucky's previously white shirt was now a dripping crimson. He had been shot and he hadn't felt it until now... he had a hole that when straight through his chest.. he wasn't sweating. That was blood cascading down his body.

"Oh..." Bucky looked up smiled nervously and dropped like a fly. They all screamed his name as he slipped away.

* * *

 The Asset fell back with a drawn out whimper when he watched the gray-eyed man drop. It felt like his heart was ripping and he cried out in anguish. The noise didn't last very long... he clamped it shut as fast he could. 

It was like slow motion, the Asset loaded his gun and pulled the trigger. The room began to panic as his target fell and the gray-eyed man tried to help him.

The man didn't realize the hole in his chest.. the blood was spreading across his white shirt and you could see the horror growing on the remaining group's faces. Adrenaline made it so the man didn't feel the pain nor did he feel the side affects, at the time, of blood loss.

He had killed the man and he didn't know why it hurt so much seeing blood pooling around him and his gray eyes were hidden behind his eyelids. The Asset didn't  _want_ him to die and he had the overpowering urge to make sure he didn't die.

The Asset watched as the group was moving in a frenzy as they quickly got doctors and medical staff to check on their fallen friends. The wounded members were picked up off the floor and taken to what he assumed was probably the lab part of the building.

He rushed across the roof top to get a better vantage point so he could watch the man he accidentally injuried... and hopefully didn't kill on accident. His mentors and holders would probably be ecstatic about this accidental killing... the gray-eyed man seemed very important, especially since he was living in the Avengers tower. 

From this point on the Asset had to put his lip reading skills to the test.

"It was a clean shot," the doctors were scurrying around the man's body. The man has a tube stuck down his throat and up his nostrils to keep him breathing. Bucky practically gagged on them as he coughed.

"It punctured a lung!" A nurse called out as Bucky kept coughing, eventually blood started to spill out of the sides of his mouth.

"Well mostly clean, " the doctor growled as they began trying to stop the internal bleeding.

The heart monitor must have started to speed up because the nurse cried out, "We're losing him!"

The Asset was now panicking which was unnerving all on its own... the Asset doesn't panic... he doesn't feel anything. The Asset is supposed to be an emotionless weapon that doesn't feel anything... he doesn't feel hunger...  thirst... happiness.... sadness.... panic.... or love. He's a numb weapon. But now? He was terrified that the man's heart would suddenly give out under the strain of his dying body. 

The medical staff continued until the gray-eyed man was stabilized and out of harms way. They stitched up the entry and exit wound of the bullet and left the room.

The Asset decided it was time to check up on the wounded man himself... so he swung into the building through an ajar window.

The man looked peaceful but every time he'd move he's wince at the pull of his sutures. He was... an attractive man... but the Asset doesn't feel attraction either. Not allowed. 

His hair was a deep brown that curled around his cheeks and he had the makings of a beard, as if he had been to lazy to shave in a few days. His arm.... was interesting. It was so shiny and smooth to the touch. It was odd... despite being metal, it was warm to the touch like the man's flesh arm. The Asset didn't really know how he felt about it.

He reached out and touched the man's cheek softly... muscle movement memory. He remembers doing it but that's as far as it goes... it just felt right and it confused the hell out of him. He rubbed his thumb across the man's cheek bones softly and the Asset saw the man's lashes flutter slightly.

He could feel the pulse underneath the skin and he sighed in relief. He wasn't dead... far from it actually. The Asset could feel the wounds melding together at unnatural rates... the man was like he was! 

The man groaned in pain as his eyelids parted slightly, "Stevie....?" The man was very groggy and out of it. He probably wouldn't remember this the next time he woke up. 

The Asset didn't answer... 

"Stevie... I'm so sorry...," he whimpered as he fingers fumbled around until they wrapped around the Asset's.  The man had a tight grip for someone who was practically dead a few moments ago.

"I let you fall...," he whispered, "it should have been me... it was meant to be me.... you would have done some much more with this second chance at life..." The man pulled the Asset's hand to his lips as he spoke.

"Please speak to me Stevie...," the man looked up with tears in his eyes. The Asset would bet that all of this over sensitivity was due to the drugs that was being pumped through the IV in his arm. "You're angry aren't you? Bitter that you chose to save me instead of yourself... I bet you've regretted ever since that day haven't you? No wonder you keep running..." 

The man's eyes were such a beautiful gray... they were captivating and the Asset couldn't stop staring. The Asset would bet that when the man was fully functional,  his eyes were probably the most spectacular thing to see.

He could only imagine the expressive orbs that could convey any emotion that the face failed to... he'd give anything to see laughter reflecting in them... or happiness... or  _love._  Maybe he was just touched starved and craved affection but the Asset could vividly imagine that emotion directed at him.

"I'd hate me too if I was you...," the man muttered, "you look so sad and blank Stevie.... what happened to you...?" The man reached his unoccupied hand up and brushed his fingers along the Asset's jaw. The Asset's eyes fluttered shut at the feeling... never had anything felt so right in his life. It felt so good that he leaned into the gray-eyed man's touch, leaving his body very vulnerable for attack. He never did that. Ever.

"You're not going to speak at all..?" 

The Asset actually whined when the man pulled his hand away; they were replaced just as quickly when the noise escaped his throat. It sounded raw and broken... the Asset never makes those noises... this man is making him do bad things. Things he'd be brutally punished for if anyone else saw... but he didn't care at the moment. He was with this odd man that made him feel comfortable and safe... 

Suddenly the Asset put his head on top of the man's uninjured side of his chest. _"one....two....three....four....,"_ he recounted as he listened to the man's breathing patterns. Yes they were a little wet from the previous bleeding but other than that... it was comforting. But apparently it was only calming to the Asset because the gray-eyed man tensed up.

"Steve-.." The man started until the Asset heard the doorknob being twisted and went on high alert. He dashed out of the room and threw himself out the window, he landed in a roll and pushed himself to his feet. He continued to rush across the roof tops until he got to the safehouse.

* * *

 

After Steve ran out Bucky tried to get up before he was pushed back down by a nurse. She was the reason he was gone and Bucky unfairly resented her for it. He felt like a kid.... he was irritated at everything and he didn't want to sleep but his eyes were drooping.

The nurse injected some fluid into the IV cord as Bucky struggled to remain awake in case Steve came back. Suddenly it became alot harder... his eyes widened as he rolled his head sluggishly to the woman beside him.

That was not his nurse... he wasn't even sure if she was a nurse.

They had found him because of Steve. He led them straight towards a incapacitated Bucky.

The last thing Bucky heard was the woman speaking into her phone quietly, "we got him. The duo will be complete soon enough. I repeat...." 

Her voice trailed off as he slipped away for the second time in 3 hours.


	10. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets his captors and finally gets to speak with Steve again after 70 years.

_Bucky wasn't necessarily a bad kid... he was just different. He was the type of kid to have the answers to a test on his forehead because he had fallen asleep studying and the writing transferred to his skin. Steve hated the guy. He was annoying and... annoying._

_Truth be told, Steve didn't like Bucky because he was a little too nice and he didn't really know how to react. Before Bucky people were downright cruel to Steve. In their eyes Steve just needed to hurry up and bite the dust... he was sick all the time and very weak. He was worthless and he was an joke of nature. The kids were all Darwinists at heart._

_They were always in the same classroom. Always. It never failed and for some odd reason they were always paired with each other; however, despite all that they knew nothing about each other. All Steve knew was he hated Bucky and all Bucky knew was Steve hated him. Bucky didn't really care though; he still continued to be as nice as possible to Steve._

_And this is where the two of them actually meet for the first time._

_Steve started his first really bad fight... this wasn't his first fight of course but this is where the fights take a step up in brutality. They were both sixteen at the time and Steve came outside to go to his next class. He suddenly stopped though when he saw a group of guys harassing a guy they thought weak._

_"Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size!" Steve called out talking towards them._

_"Well when you see someone like that send them our way," one of them replied and gave the boy a harsh push. The boy stumbled and fell backwards on his back with a yelp._

_Steve bristled and did what he usually does: something stupid. He went up behind one of the assholes and kicked out the back of their knees. The gang member fell and the rest of them whipped towards him in anger._

_"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"_

_"Getting your attention," Steve readied himself for the beating to come._

_It started with a punch to Steve's chest, sending him into the dirt. The group didn't hesitated to jump on him and start beating on him; he finally got up by jamming his bony elbow into one of his attackers stomach. He quickly scrambled up when there was an opening and grabbed the nearest thing to protect him. A garbage can lid._

_The boy he was protecting bailed as soon as the attention was diverted from him and left Steve by himself. They always did this... every man for himself..._

_"Time to teach you a little manners," one growled flipping out a switchblade and Steve sighed. Of course... every time. His Ma was gonna kill him if he got blood on his white shirt..._

_"You can try..," Steve lifted the shield narrowing his eyes._

_Needless to say he was smashed into the nearest wall; he hit so hard his skull rang with the blow. He was in a daze as the knife was brought closer to him and didn't really realize the danger he was in._

_"Hey assholes," a rough voice spoke out from behind them._

_"Bucky Barnes...," the leader turned around," here to stick up for the underdog again eh?"_

_"Nah I'm just here to kick your asses," Bucky shrugged as he eyed the knife and the bloody mess that used to be Steve._

_"Go away," Steve slurred with blood dripping from his busted up lips. His mouth tasted like straight up copper from the blood pooling in it and the back of his throat._

_"Oh shut up," the leader slammed him against the wall again and Steve saw dark spots. He crumpled to the ground when the leader let go of him._

_"That's not very nice," Bucky growled standing up straighter and Steve saw exactly why no one fucked with Barnes._

_It was talked about constantly at their school, Bucky Barnes wasn't someone to be fucked with. He was too dangerous. One did not get on Bucky's bad side because he'd fuck you up. He was a natural fighter, people said it made up for his lack of smarts. Steve knew better: Bucky Barnes was smart as hell but didn't apply himself._

_The group faltered for a second when they realized who they were up against. The group looked at each other and relaxed when they thought the odds were in their favor because of their number. It was Bucky against four other delinquents. Surely they'd win over the cocky bastard._

_They all rushed him at once and Bucky instantly took down one of the members to his left with a swipe of his legs. Once that member was down Bucky slammed the toe of his shoe into the man's temple, instantly rendering him unconcious... or dead. Steve sure hoped it was the former.... he didn't like bullies but he sure didn't want to be the reason for their death._

_Bucky broke the nose of the one on his left and grabbed the knife of the center one. The knife was thrown out of reach and Bucky slammed the heel of his hand against the joint of one of the man's elbows._

_Steve heard the sickening crunch of a broken elbow and the screech that followed afterwards. Steve quickly felt nauseous and had to choke back the bile that was rising. He wasn't used to hearing others screams or another persons bones breaking.... usually it was just his own._

_Bucky stood in front of the final man, he looked calm and kind of eerie. He was bathed in the shadows and his eyes glowed an unnatural gray hue and his pupils were shrunken from the sunshine around them. He looked frightening and Steve instantly thought he was glad he wasn't on the receiving end of that intense stare; he'd never tell anyone that though..._

_"I-I'll kill you...," the man gasped. His left eye was swollen shut and he was missing three of his teeth._

_"You can try...," Bucky drawled uninterested, he wasn't injuried at all. He was barely out of breath._

_"You cocky...!-" Bucky shut up the insult with a punch to the man's throat._

_"What was that? You didn't finish."_

_Bucky stepped over the man's body and walked to Steve. "You alright there buddy?"_

_"Fuck off...," Steve gasped with half-lidded eyes._

_"I admire guys who can still be an ass even when beaten," Bucky laughed and picked Steve up._

_"Put me down asshole...!" Steve sluggishly pushed at Bucky's face with his long thin fingers._

_"Nah," Bucky continued to walk despite the hands on his face," I think I'm good."_

_"I had 'em on the ropes..." Steve mumbled once he gave up on his efforts for freedom._

_"You're a little punk, ya' know that?"_

_"Jerk."_

_The next day at school Bucky sat beside Steve like it was the normal thing to do. It confused the hell out of Steve._

_"Are you trying to be my new bodyguard now?" Steve growled with ferocity. The hostility was lost with the way his face looked; he was covered in gauze and bandages. He looked like a broken doll._

_"Only really weak people need bodyguards," Bucky mumbled putting his down on the desk with a tired grin, "and celebrities."_

_It would take years before Steve figured out why Bucky slept so much during class. His father had died when Bucky was young so he was the man of the house. That meant he helped his mother with whatever he possibly could. This included sleepless nights because he had to go take care of his younger sisters, or he had to work at the docks for rent money._

_"You don't think I'm weak...?" Steve was confused," wait- uh... you're damn right I don't need a bodyguard." His replied pulled the brightest grin out of Bucky that Steve had ever seen._

_"You got pretty eyes Stevie."_

_Soon enough everyone was turned around in their seats because of a loud thump sound. Steve had flushed with embarrassment and pushed Bucky out of his desk. Bucky howled with laughter as he pulled himself off the floor and Steve ignored him with a darkening blush._

* * *

"Well. He's not here," Clint announced as he strode into the room.

"Wow.. so helpful," Nat glared darkly in his direction, "I would have never guessed.. y'know with the dangling wires and everything."

"Damn... sorry...," Clint looked down.

"This has HYDRA written all over it...," Tony growled as he examined the cameras that had been cut.

"They were sloppy too...," Bruce mumbled as he observed the scene around him. 

The room was in a disarray and it looked as if Bucky had been dragged forcefully from the bed. There was blood on the floor that way probably from the rough treatment of Bucky's body; they probably forgot to detach the IV from Bucky's arm as they drug him away. 

"I bet you they drugged the poor bastard...," Tony sighed as he touched the limp IV's. The needles were slowly dripping a fluid, with a red tinge from blood, onto the floor. 

Nat looked at him, "they're alot smarter than they like to put off... maybe smarter than you..." It was admirable..... Nat was still cracking bad jokes even at bad times such as this.

"Ha ha... very funny," Tony rolled his eyes.

Outside the door was the bodies of Bucky's former doctors and nurses. They all had their throats slit from behind; best way to silent someone with out many problems.

"What do we do now?" Thor asked as he looked around, "they have taken one of out brothers in arms and we must get him back."

"Much easier said than done," Tony walked to the open window. 

"We could have prevented this," Sam sighed rubbing his hands over his face in frustration, "We should have been here..."

"It's honestly too late for all of this Sam," Nat spoke looking at him, "the only thing we need to worry about is getting Bucky out of their clutches."

"Did SHIELD put a tracker on Bucky?" Clint asked.

"No but I did," Tony piped up with a sudden grin.

"Don't look so happy Tony, Nat was right these guys are smart," Bruce cut in, "they'd know he had a tracker on him and probably have already disposed of it."

"The tracker is Bucky's entire arm."

"They'll figure that out soon enough..."

"I'll go get another arm ready for when he comes back," Tony sighed and left the room.

"I guess it's time to consult SHIELD," Sam commented.

"Not even close," Nat growled and the others in the room flinched at the unexpected response, "only a few people knew about Bucky being here and what state he was in. They were all SHIELD members other than us and I know for a fact none of us spoke about it. There's a leak in SHIELD and it'll only make matters worse if we go through SHIELD."

"So you think SHIELD has been corrupted from the inside?" Clint asked.

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Then why would they kill Fury?" Bruce asked.

"Well for one he wouldn't cooperate with them and he knew too much to be let go."

"So they killed him? Do you think Bucky was meant to be in the crossfire?"

"Not intentionally but I bet they were glad as hell with the outcome of things."

"Who would they use to do this kind of thing?"

"Steve...," Sam's face was drawn in horror of this realization.

"He really is alive..." Clint mumbled.

"Then this is a rescue mission of two," Thor announced in determination.

* * *

It took Bucky another six hours to wake up after they threw him in a cell. His right wrist was bound to the wall by a chain and the other arm had been short-circuited. They probably went in while he was unconscious and fucked with some of the wires.

When Bucky finally woke up it took him another thirty minutes to open his eyes; the drugs he was administered gave him a roaring headache and his eyes felt like they burning out of his skull.

Once he finally pried his eyes open he sighed... this brought back very vivid memories. This was exactly like Zola's torture chamber back in Austria. 

The entire room was shed in a nauseating greenish light from cheap lights. The walls and floor looked wet from the condensation. There was even blood drops on the floor that led to a table that was full of the weirdest things Bucky had ever seen.... and hoped he'd never see in close proximity. 

He freaked when he couldn't move his left arm but then realized someone probably disabled it. He was held hostage after all... it'd only be smart of they rendered his only weapon useless.

He looked to his left and saw a shadow of a man; he was coated in the darkness of the shadows in the corner and he was staring straight at Bucky. The entire lower half of his face was covered with a muzzle-like mask and his hair was shaved to the scalp. The man's eyes were familiar but... so very wrong. These weren't the eyes he was hoping for...

"Steve..," Bucky breathed out and the man didn't even twitch. "It's me Bucky..."

The man reached up and pulled the mask off slowly, "who the hell is Bucky?".

Bucky's eyes widened and the man who looked like Steve walked to him. He pulled out a knife.

"Steve...," Bucky quickly whispered, "don't do anything you'll regret..."

"The Asset doesn't feel regret..." Steve mumbled and pushed the knife towards Bucky's metal shoulder. Bucky tried to move away but Steve merely wrapped his large artist hands around Bucky's trachea. Bucky was so  _fucked._

The knife was brought down on the metal and then plunged inside. Bucky was glad he couldn't feel it now... but he wish he could get more breath in but Steves hand was making that difficult.

"You tryin' to kill me Stevie?" Bucky gasped as Steve carved something into the metal. Steve barely even glanced at him.

When Steve was finished he pulled back and suddenly cut a gash into his own palm. He didn't even wince as he pushed his bleeding palm against the carving. Once he pulled back Bucky saw it... a bloody red star.

The gash on Steve's hand melded in no time.

"What did they do to you Steve...?"

"Quit calling me that," Steve suddenly snapped.

"That's your name."

"The Asset has no name."

" _The Asset_ is a name, dumbass."

Steve opened his mouth with a glare when the door slammed open. A horde of soldiers came pouring in with... Alexander Pierce in the front.

"Who said you could speak to the prisoner?" Pierce snapped and Steve suddenly shot up from his place in the floor, " I said keep an eye on him not chat with him."

"I'm sorry..," Steve whispered and avoided eye contact at all costs.

"Take him to his cell and wait for me," Pierce ordered as six agents crowded around Steve, "We will discuss terms of punishment when I'm through here."

Steve's eyes widened in fear as he was ushered out of the room.

"You better not fucking touch him," Bucky struggled against the chains in anger.

"It's too late for your protectiveness Sergeant Barnes;  seventy years too late," Pierce sat across from Bucky with a smug sense of confidence.

"You bastard!-"

"Hey don't blame me, you started this by letting him rot in the snow," Pierce accused and Bucky felt bile rise in his throat, "but that's neither here nor there; I'd like to give you a chance to be with Steve. He's been awful lonely-"

"You mean abused."

"And he's in need of some company," Pierce continued like Bucky hasn't said anything, "plus you'd be doing this world a great service."

"By killing people? Hell no."

"You already do that don't you?"

"Bad guys."

"Who determines who's bad or not? Every 'villain' has his or her supporters. Every villain is a hero in another's eyes."

"Is this your justification for killing innocent people and torturing Steve and shooting me?"

"Steve did that."

"Wait. What?"

"Steve almost killed you, he's the one who shot you and then led us straight to your vulnerable body."

"He wouldn't ever do that- you fucked with him!! I'll kill you all! Just wait until I get out of these...!" Bucky began pulling on his restraints in such a fervor that his wrist began to drip blood onto the floor underneath him.

"Please don't do that, I need you lucid right now," Pierce sighed, "I want you on our side Bucky."

"Don't call me Bucky!!" Bucky lashed out and tried to kick Pierce. His foot made contact with his nose. Pierce fell backward clutching his nose as the agents rushed in and injected Bucky with something.

Bucky made a choking noise in the back of his throat as the medication seeped through his veins like lead. He was so cold... and it  _burned._ Soon enough Bucky couldn't move except blink and his head was sluggish.

He was in such a shape that he didn't notice Pierce picking himself off the floor and approaching Bucky. He grabbed Bucky by the hair and yanking his head back furiously.

"I was being nice," Pierce growled from above him as the blood leaked from his nose and onto Bucky's cheek. The man slammed Bucky's head into the stone ground and left him there.

"He's all yours," Pierce spoke curtly to the paitent doctors as he walked out the door. 

The doctors all grinned to each other and Bucky felt fear Pierce through the daze he was in. 

There was two ways this was going to end: either he ends up like Steve or he's gonna die.

The Avengers weren't going to come for him... no one came last time except Steve and well... Steve wasn't going to save him now.

* * *

"Who said you could speak to him?!" Pierce thundered as he slammed his fist into Steve's jaw. Steve staggered to the side and kept his down as Pierce let his rage out.

Pierce had come in yelling and clutching his oozing nose. He was utterly pissed off and like usual, he worked out his frustrations by beating Steve.

"Who was he?" Steve stood up straight and cocked his head to the side.

"None of your business!"

"It seems to be important though if I'm being punished for it..."

"Who said you could speak-"

"That's the second time you've asked that... do you want me to answer or not?"

"Who the fuck do you-"

"Language..," Steve chastised as he lifted his head defiantly.

"Strap him down," Pierce commanded as a vein popped out of his neck.

The grabbed Steve at all sides and threw him in his chair. He was strapped down from all sides and even at his midriff. 

"Shut him up."

"What..?" Steve had never heard of this before. Of course he had never back talked to any of his superiors; so needless to say he was confused when a nurse closed in on him with a needle and surgical thread.

 


	11. XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others search for Bucky and Bucky gets Steve to help him escape.

Tony missed the asshole.

There he admitted it.

He missed Bucky.

The tower was just so empty without that asshole and his loud snores. That man slept constantly and it used to worry the others.

Everytime when they came in from a workout Bucky would pass out on the couch. The man would merely sit down for a bit and his head would tip back, the snoring would come next. The group had all figured out Bucky was like a kid; he didn't really get to have a childhood so now he has some child-like tendencies. One of them being: if he exerts himself too much he passes out quickly. 

He slept like a rock too. Tony thought he used to be a hard sleeper but Bucky took the cake. No one could wake Bucky up once he was asleep...accept for Nat and it still confuses Tony about how she does it.

Everytime he walks in the Tower he expects the boisterous snoring from the living room sofa, and then he sighs when he remembers the situation they were in.

Yes, they jump down each others throat sometimes.. but who doesn't? It doesn't happen often and other then that Bucky is pretty chill for an old man. The only time they really have a problem is when Bucky realizes Tony hasn't slept or eaten in a certain period of time. Tony thinks Bucky only gets angry at him because when he was younger Bucky had to scrounge food and sleep; in Bucky's eyes Tony was probably taking advantage of the things Bucky probably didn't get more often than not.

Bucky's a good guy but he always looks so sad when he thinks no one's looking; unfortunately Tony is always looking, or Jarvis is. Tony has cameras everywhere in the tower, excluding the more private places like bathrooms and such, and he watches them closely. They were put in because of Tony's distrust of new people but now it's more along the lines of wanting to keep them safe. He watches the camera for anything out of the ordinary... but he would die before he let anyone know he actually  _cared_ for their safety.

Plus he knows they could take care of themselves but he's been known to be overly cautious when it comes to people he cares about. He doesn't want another repeat of his parents.

Bucky and him get along quite well despite those few factors and that's why Bucky's shooting really rattled him. He was right there beside Bucky when the shot way taken and from what he could tell the sniper wasn't really an expert. If it was Bucky who had taken the shot, it was have been perfect and all of his targets would have died. 

Fury and Bucky were both still alive... or at least he hoped Bucky was.... 

It was horrible to watch and Bucky's blood splashed on his face from the bullets entry and exit. He should have dropped right there but Bucky was full of adrenaline and he kept going. Everytime he walked the blood would seep about a bit faster... it got to the point the shirt wouldn't hold anymore and it dripped from the hem of the white tee. Tony tried to get him to stop before he killed himself but the fucker wouldn't listen! 

Tony's heart was pounding underneath the reactor and he was panicking. Tony doesn't panic. Well except for when the arc reactor is being a little bitch or when someone tries to take it from him or... Anyway, Tony doesn't panic about  _others._ The people have changed him from the emotionless bastard Howard molded him into and he'd be damned of he let any of them die when he could save them.

That's why he's here right now watching the feeds from different angles of the hospital room. A few of them where cut but Tony is a master at hiding shit, it started with alcohol from his mother, so a lot of them were salvaged and caught everything on tape.

His heart actually jerked when he saw the moment between Steve and Bucky. It was actually really  _sad,_ it kind of hurt to look at.

Steve looked so lost looking down at his forgotten lover and Bucky watched him sadly through the daze of the pain medication. They held onto each other as Bucky choked out his feelings of regret and Steve sat there listening in confusion. 

Tony could see the difference in the man. This was not the Captain America his father was always going on about and he definitely wasn't the Captain America he had admired since his childhood. Tony used Captain America as a way of staying sain during his chaotic and affectionless childhood, the man kept him going and he knows that sounds really fucking stupid. 

The man standing there was devoid of all the softness and gentleness Captain America possessed. The man was hard and sharp, his eyes were stone cold and just dull... they looked like that of a corpse. His hair was shaved to the scalp and he was supporting a ragged beard across his cheeks and chin. 

He had always heard Captain America was the doll of the nation; he was sweet and comforting like a doll and just overall pretty to look at. That man? He was a doll but he was broken and battered. He looked like the type of doll you find left behind in a town ravaged by devastation. His owners were either killed or he was left behind in the chaos.

Suddenly  the man threw himself out of the room when the door was opened. Shit hit the fan after that and Bucky was dragged out of the room by that HYDRA bitch.

After watching the video Tony pushed his rolling chair backwards and behind another desk. He pulled up his holographic searching tools and began his work with a dead set determination. He was going to find Bucky because if he didn't, who would? 

He was going as fast as he could so he could beat the clock. Time was ticking Tony... if he wasn't careful, by the time he'd be done Bucky and Steve would be the brainless weapon duo. Tony wasn't going to let that happen and neither were the other Avengers. They were all searching in their own way... Tony searched with what he did best: technology.

Tony didn't want to admit it but these guys were pretty good at kidnapping without a trace... he guesses that's how they kept Steve hidden for so long. However, these guys were amateurs when it Tony came into the picture. Bucky would be found in no time, especially with Jarvis on their side.

It's been about a week or more since Bucky's abduction and all of the Avengers have been attacked at least once since then.

Thor was first; he was attacked while he was traveling to see Jane Foster. It wasn't much but it was enough to piss off the god. Needless to say... Tony had some major reparation costs to pay for because of the oaf.

Natasha was next, those bastards didn't know what hit them. They must have not been warned about her because they tried to fucking jump her. The dickwads didn't even try to conceal themselves and just ran at her. There were at least twelve bodies SHIELD had to dispose of when she was done.

Clint was targeted when he went for donuts and he was pissed when he came back. His assailants blew a hole through the box and incinerated practically all of them. The dumbass came home with the ashes and actually tried to salvage the donuts because he didn't want to buy more... he ate a good amount of ashes that day.

Bruce's attack didn't last long, they caught him off guard and he threw them out the window. Well technically he threw a couch from the lab at them and it knocked the six of them out the window. They fell to their deaths. Together. It took Tony three days to console Bruce... he took the attempt pretty hard.

Tony was last and it happened only a day ago. They surrounded him when he got out of the shower. They thought he was vulnerable. Ha! Tony Stark is never vulnerable.

Well...-

Anyway, he defended himself in a towel and six of his suits. He was pretty bruised once they were at his feet and he went straight back into the shower once Dum-E cleaned up the bodies and Jarvis called SHIELD cleanup.

HYDRA really didn't want them to find Steve or Bucky considering they just tried to off the entire Avengers team. What they don't understand is Tony Stark gets what people don't want him too. He's been given everything he'd ever want in his life so the only fun he has is getting what he's isn't supposed to. 

* * *

Bucky wasn't ashamed to scream.

If something hurt he was gonna scream. The doctors should have thought about that before they came near him.

Bucky wasn't one of those proud bastards that didn't want to give his torturers that satisfaction of his cries. No, the way he saw it it was worse for them to hear his ear shattering screams. The bastards deserved it and he couldn't help but remember how Zola hated his screams.

The asshole would grit his teeth and cover his ears. He'd tell him to shut it or he'd do it for him. Bucky just spit blood in his face in response and kept screaming. 

Right now? He was screaming and he wasn't ashamed to admit it. He let it all out and the doctors around him tried everything to get him to stop. They tried drugging him, beating him, they even tried these stupid masks but his cries pierced through it all. 

It all fucking hurt and if he was going to hurt then they were too. Eventually they all ran out after a particularly loud wail slipped through his bloody lips. 

He breathed out a laugh when he realized the doctors looked like dogs running away with their tails between their legs.

"Bitches," he gasped and chuckled to himself. 

He was strapped down to a lab table and his body was letting out a steady stream of blood in numerous places, including his fairly recent bullet wound. Before their abrupt departure, the doctors were digging around his thigh muscle searching for the serum.

Bucky guesses they couldn't find it in Steve and so they decided to try and look for the one in Bucky. They probably thought that his botched version would be a little more accessible than Steve's perfect one. They wouldn't find what they were looking for, everyone has tried.

So far he hasn't had much happen to him, well compared to Zola anyway. He's had a few incisions in various places, he's been dunked three times, and they've been fucking around with his metal arm.

Basically all they've done to his arm is dig around. They were interested in the new tattoo Steve gave him on his shoulder. 

Speaking of Steve.... he was standing right next to him again just watching. He hasn't made a noise at all and he hasn't removed his mask yet. Bucky could see blood dripping from behind the mask but when he commented on it Steve whipped his head away and retreated to the shadows. The only reaction Bucky has gotten out of Steve thus far are flinches, he flinches everytime  Bucky let's out a cry. He doesn't do anything about it though so Bucky just ignores him.

After thirty minutes of the doctors absence Bucky decides it's time to get up. He looks at Steve with hard eyes.

"Okay Steve, the least you could do right now is unlock these stupid things," Bucky speaks out. The only time he has gotten a reaction out of Steve is through forceful talking so he's gonna try that again.

He just continued to stare at him and Bucky gritted his teeth. He was in pain and didn't have time for this shit. Bucky began thrashing against the restraints with the limbs he could control. The restraints yanked against his wrist and ankles so hard they started to bleed... again. Steve's eyes widened slightly and he reached out as if he was gonna stop Bucky. 

"No," Bucky growled, "you had your chance, now go sit your ass in the corner." 

Yes Bucky was being mean but Steve doesn't respond to coddling well. Bucky always had to learn that the hard way, so if he had any chance of somehow getting a little bit of the original Steve back then he was gonna try. 

Steve flinched and frozen in mid-reach, he watched Bucky carefully and his eyebrows furrowed. He let his hand drop with a low thud against his side and sighed through his nose.

Bucky outright ignored him like Steve was doing to him and continued his struggle against the restraints. He was panting heavily and his left arm clanged noisily against the metal of the table. Blood was now pattering against the floor from Bucky's limbs but he kept going.

Steve let out a low whine when he saw the blood but didn't come any closer. His eye brows were twitching with concern and he continued to make small noises in protest. He still wouldn't speak though... but with the noises he was making Bucky wasn't going to push it. 

Bucky stopped and looked over at him, "Steve make up your god damn mind, either help me or go the fuck away..." He was so tired... Steve's noises weren't helping anything.

Steve slowly reached again shakily and cautiously walked forward. Bucky tried not to get his hopes up though; at this point he's seen how fickle Steve can be and it'd be his luck Steve would run off after getting right beside Bucky.

He didn't.

Steve actually stayed and slowly undid what he could and ripped off what he couldn't. He even went so far as to recalibrate Bucky's arm, his eyes were full of sorrow as he did it so Bucky didn't watch. 

Bucky grasped one of Steve's hands in his flesh one, "Do you honestly know who I am...?"

Steve nodded slowly but with a hint of confusion which suggested he knew enough to get them through.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something else when the building shook with a force that sent Bucky backwards off the table. He landed in a heap of limbs and soon Steve was at his side.

"God they are all fucking drama queens," Bucky cursed kicking the table in anger from his fall. Steve merely cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"Initiate Protocol 13!! We're under attack!!" Agents screamed as they pounded past their cell.

"Steve," Bucky put a hand on his cheek, "I'm about to leave and either you come along willingly or I'm gonna knock your ass out and drag your limp body. The only problem with that is that makes me extremely vulnerable to attack and I'm more likely to get killed."

Steve whimpered quietly with wide eyes and clasped onto Bucky's arms. His grip was like steel and his fingertips left bruises on the skin from the pressure. 

"Then you better follow me and watch my back. Can you do that?"

Steve nodded slowly.

"Once we get out of here.. things will be better okay? Do you trust me still Stevie?"

Steve patted his cheek and nodded.

"Good, now let's go."


	12. XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The escape goes well except for... well...

_"Hell. No." Steve ground out blushing madly._

_"Oh don't be that way Stevie...," Bucky grinned, "it's for the greater good."_

_"I'm not fucking-"_

_"Language," Bucky gasped in mock horror trying to look serious and failing._

_"Bucky, I am a respectable leader now. Plus they would all notice.... maybe before the serum... but definitely not now."_

_"I'll be right beside you," Bucky cooed._

_"And you'll fit in swell....-"_

_Bucky bristled with a blush rising, "Are you calling me feminine?..."_

_"What?-" Steve's eyes widened and shook his hands in defense," No no no no...! I'm just saying you're-.... you're a lot-.... you'll fit in better-"_

_"Spit it out Steve! You think I'm a dame?!" Bucky growled blushing redder and Steve stepped away nervously._

_"D-don't turn this on me!! Y-you aren't going to distract me from the matter at hand!" Steve stuttered trying to get angry again._

_"You're the one who just hinted-"_

_"I did not!!"_

_"Both of you are going to be in dresses tonight whether you like it or not," Peggy stalked in leveling the two of them with hard eyes._

_"You don't need to convince me! It's all Captain Stick-up-his-ass's problem not mine," Bucky accused pointing at the horrified Steve._

_"You have a problem with women now Rogers?" Peggy advanced on him and Steve sputtered._

_"O-of course not ma'am...! But I-"_

_"Do you think it's demeaning of you to dress up as a lady for one night?"_

_"No ma'am..! But-"_

_"Will it kill you?"_

_"No ma'am..." Steve sighed and gave up arguing._

_"Then you will do it to the best of your capabilities. Am I understood?"_

_"Yes ma'am..."_

_"Good," Peggy stated and began to leave._

_"It's not that I don't want to dress up like a woman... women are fierce and amazing but... I... I don't think I'll be able to pull it off," Steve admitted, "I don't look like a woman and they're... complicated and beautiful... I don't think I can do it."_

_"If Bucky can do it, you can do it," Peggy turned with a soft smile and departed._

_"Why does everyone say that...?" Bucky groaned, "I work hard on this manly appearance...."_

_"Maybe that's why girls like you so much," Steve grinned, "you're relatable and just like one of the girls."_

_Bucky glared, "keep laughing but remember who can and has handed your ass to you in fights. And don't forget that serum is no match for me."_

_"Aw... dont get so grumpy Bucky," Steve laughed, "I'm just teasin' "_

_"Go put on your dress before I punch you."_

_Steve sighed and walked off as Bucky picked up his designated disguise for this mission. This mission is odd.... it required two of the Howling Cammandos to dress as women for the night... the object of the mission was to infiltrate a HYDRA compound and help the ladies that were imprisoned there. Only way to get in was to get caught and thrown in the compound. Steve and Bucky were the bait and the rest were to station themselves outside of the compound and slip in. They were to rescue the ladies and then burn the building to the ground._

_Bucky was given a swing dress... the top part of it was a polka-dotted  sleeveless button up and was cut off around his abdomen. The bottom part was a long flowy red that begin right where the shirt part stopped. He couldn't walk in the heels he was given but everything else fit._

_"This dress is too short...," Steve complained in a whisper as he walked in._

_Bucky looked around and Steve was wearing a light blue sleeveless dress with a red belt around his waist. The skirt of his dress stopped a few inches of his knee and flared out like Buckys._

_"I think I could get used to this image," Bucky cracked a grin and saw Steve was wearing some flats. He was too tall already..._

_"Shut the fuck up Bucky," Steve groaned when Bucky whistled._

_"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"_

_"Bucky, don't. Just don't."_

_"You're gonna be the prettiest dame there," Bucky cooed touching Steve's cheek._

_"Stop it," Steve batted his hand away emabbarresed._

_"Boys! Time to leave!!" A voice hollered startling both of them._

_"Come on Stevie," Bucky smirked and swatted Steve's ass when he went past, "time to bash in a few skulls."_

_"Bucky..." Steve chastised and quickly followed him out._

* * *

"Steve!" Bucky called as he quickly followed Steve out.

They hadn't left right away, Steve didn't let them leave until he had checked all of Bucky's wounds. He was being to persistent and ended up with Bucky's hand in his face, but he continued and Bucky gave up. Steve bandaged everything he could in a hurry and then he walked off. He left Bucky in the dust and he had to catch up with Steve.

"God dammit slow down!!"

Steve obeyed and slowed down slightly as Bucky pushed through the pain his body was in. If he wasn't hurt Steve would have kept going but Bucky suspected that Steve knew that if he didn't slow down Bucky was gonna try and push himself to catch up. Steve knew he'd rip open his healing wounds just to catch up and so he slowed down.

"Do you know a way out?"

Steve shook his head.

"Alright...," Bucky sighed as he listened to the fight in the opposite direction, "we need to avoid people at all costs-"

Just as that was said a group of fucking agents spotted the two of them. They yelled in their direction and started coming at them. Bucky groaned as he prepped his throbbing body for a fight but it was all in vain. Steve  _pounced_ on the threatening agents. He moved so fast... much faster than the last time Bucky saw Steve.

The Asset throttled the agents. He broke one of their necks when he pounced, it crunched under his long fingers. There was three others and he threw himself at the one to his left; he wrapped his body around him and grabbed the man's knife. Soon the man dropped at his feet with a cry, the Asset plunged the knife into the man's back and ripped it to the side. He spun to his right and grabbed the man by the hair and slammed his face into the nearest wall. 

The man's skull made a disgusting wet sound from the force and the man dropped as the Asset crouched to avoid an attack. As the man lunged over the Asset, he slipped the gun from the man's belt and shot him in the throat. The Asset's aim sucked... he flipped the gun onto the last guy and shot him in the stomach several times. The Asset turned toward Bucky with stale blue eyes and blood splattered against his pale skin.

"I guess you'd win against me now, huh...?" Bucky whispered dumb as he processed what he just saw.

Steve's eyes saddened as he realized what he'd just shown Bucky.

"Hey. No time for dwelling on it now," Bucky straightened up in determination, "We gotta get out while my friends are holding them off. Later we will talk okay?"

Steve nodded and cautiously stepped towards Bucky like he was scared of Bucky's reactions.

"I'm not gonna bite Steve..."

Steve nodded and walked beside Bucky as they figured out a way to get out. The place was like a maze and eventually they gave up and decided a window was the best option. Well they decided that when they heard the screams of guards that had found the bodies of Steve's latest kills and their empty cells. 

"I swear to god Steve," Bucky growled, "don't you fucking dare. Hell. No."

Steve advanced towards him with determination in his eyes and Bucky knew he wasn't going to like whatever he was thinking. Steve kept eyeing the window and then he had suddenly turned towards Bucky.

That little bitch wanted to throw him out the window!

"I said no Steve!!"

He grabbed Bucky's flailing wrists.

"No!! Let me go you ass!"

He lifted him up.

"I'll kill you Steve!!! Put me down!!! Don't fuck around!!! This isn't funny!!"

The asshole ran and jumped out the window. Bucky  _didn't_ scream like a girl.

He didn't.

* * *

"Dude did you hear that?" Clint's voice asked through their coms.

"Yeah it sounded like a girl in a horror movie," Tony commented.

"I've never heard such a high pitch..."

* * *

"I hate you so much right now," Bucky stumbled out of Steve's arms and slapped away the hands that reached out to him, "No."

Steve averted his eyes and looked like a sad puppy.

"God dammit it Rogers.... don't you pull that puppy face with me, you're not allowed to after what you just did."

Steve reached out and patted Bucky's head in an apology.

"It's fine," he grunted reluctantly, "let's get the fuck out of here... wait. Can you grab me a radio from one of those guards over there? Don't kill them unless they see you, just try to slip it from them."

Steve slipped away with a nod; it didn't take him long at all to come back with the radio in his grip.

"Thank you," Bucky smiled and took the radio from his outstretched hand. Bucky then began to enter the Avengers private Com frequency into the device and soon he was able to hear the others.

"...-ulk just threw Thor," Clint complained as his voice broke through the radio speakers, "and his body almost took me out."

"Suck it up Legolas," Tony grunted.

"Bucky here, can you guys hear me?" Bucky spoke into it.

"Bucky!!" they all screamed in unison and Bucky had to hold the speaker from his ear for a moment.

"Calm the fuck down.." Bucky growled.

"Are you alright?" Natasha asked.

"I'm fine and I've got Steve with me."

"Do you need an escort?" Tony piped up.

"No, Steve busted me out but we do need a way to get far from here and back to the tower."

"I got it covered," Natasha spoke up just as they heard the sound of their ride.

Bucky threw an arm around Steve, "Promise me you won't hurt any of them...do not attack unless they attack you... Promise?"

Steve looked hesitant at first but then nodded slowly. 

It was all fun and games until Rumlow jumped out of nowhere with an odd looking gun. The bastard grinned a bloody smile, probably from a fight with one of the Avengers, and aimed the gun at Bucky's chest.

"Bucky!-" Natasha yelled out.

Steve went rigid and barreled towards Rumlow just as he pulled the trigger. It hit Steve but it didn't stop the head on collision; the two went down hard. Steve thrashed around for a moment from the hit to his chest and light blue sparks flew off of him. 

His eyes were clenched in pain and he made quiet whimpering sounds. Then he suddenly went limp and Bucky ran as fast as his wounded body would take him. He looked down and Steve.... Steve was.... 

"Holy fucking shit...," Bucky's eyes were wide staring down at Steve's body, "how the hell did they manage to do that to you...?"


	13. XIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve scare the shit out of the doctors on numerous occasions.

A thud sounded in the background and soon enough Ironman was stepping into Bucky's peripheral.

"Holy shit," Tony broke in as he yanked his face plate up, "he's fucking  _tiny_!"

"Steve....?" Bucky whispered as he looked at the sack of bones that had been his friend since they were born. Steve was on his back in a pool of his uniform that threatened to swallow him up. The mask miraculously hung on to his jaw; its not all that surprising though considering Steve always had a very strong jaw for a man his size. 

Steve's blue eyes were wide and wild looking. His hands were covered by the sleeves of his old uniform, which caused his panicked flailing of his arms. He scrambled to his knees panting heavily behind the mask and Bucky could see the dried blood coating his face.

"Steve..?" Bucky called again as he walked into Steve's view; he also spoke louder than before because if they really did reverse the serum... well.... Steve couldn't hear or see shit.

Steve's head snapped up towards Bucky and he let out a huff of relief calming down. He worked his jaw to speak and suddenly he let out a high pitched whine. He clamped a hand around the mask and screwed his eyes shut doubling over. Blood was dripping through his fingers and he let out strings of whimpers as Bucky ran towards him. 

Bucky had to see but Steve slapped his hands away when he tried to pry them away. Steve didn't want him to see what was behind the mask....

Steve looked up with wide blue eyes full of horror and dripping tears. The tears smeared the splattered blood into long red stripes across his face. 

Bucky reached out and rubbed away what he could when a hand grasped his shoulder.

"We gotta get him out of here and back to the tower," Nat whispered into his ear and Bucky nodded as she pulled away.

"Steve...," Bucky spoke softly, "I gotta pick you okay?.."

Steve nodded and clung to Bucky as he gathered his trembling body into his arms. He clutched Steve close to his chest and positioned the shield on his arm to cover Steve's body. Steve curled up around him, and as Bucky walked, he felt something wet seep into his shirt; it was coming from Steve's mouth...

"Are you alright Bucky?" Clint asked as he caught up with Bucky's brisk pace.

"I'm fine," Bucky grunted in reply and Steve twitched slightly in his arms.

Suddenly a hand shot out and prodded his thigh and Bucky almost collapsed in pain, "What were you lying?"

"Clint," Bucky gasped in pain through gritted teeth, "you fucking bastard..."

"That seems deep man..." Clint commented completely ignoring Bucky, "how are you able to stand, let alone walk?"

"Fuck. Off." 

Steve clenched his hands in Bucky's jacket; this was the jacket he wore during the war and he's been using it for missions more often than not nowadays. It was a little tattered and bloody but Steve didn't seem to care as he buried his face into the familiar material.

"Give him to me," Clint stopped in front of him with his arms open.

"No Clint. I'm fine now back the hell off," Bucky hissed and pushed past him.

Natasha grabbed Clint's wrists before he followed after them, "they were just reunited Clint... they were both tortured and in pain. Let them do what they need to right now, once we get back to the tower we can help them."

"I hate it when your right...," he grumbled.

"Most people do," she shrugged and walked after Bucky's retreating form.

Once Bucky finally got to the mini-helicarrier, he promptly collapsed in a chair with a groan. His legs were trembling from the strain and blood was oozing from all of his wounds. Everything was throbbing and it all fucking hurt... but there were more important things than his pain.

"Stevie... let me see," Bucky cupped a hand against Steve's neck.

Steve shook his head violently and he let out another painful noise from something being jostled.

"Please... I need to see..."

Steve weakly narrowed his eyes stubborn and pointed at the dark spots littered around his body from blood.

"If you show me yours I'll show you mine..?" Bucky smiled slightly.

Steve thought about it for a minute and then warily nodded. Steve reached up and gingerly pried the black mask off of his jaw; he panting slightly from the pain it causes him. Whatever was behind the mask made quiet tacking noises as if it was stuck against the mask; the blood probably dried it against the inside.

Bucky felt his stomach drop and he almost gagged when he saw... the stitches.

"They...," Bucky choked, "they sewed your lips together..."

Steve averted his gaze and tried to cover it up with his hands.

"No Steve," Bucky pulled his hands away softly, "we're gonna cut these open okay?" 

Steve looked fearful but nodded anyway.

"Bruce? Do we have a pair of medical scissors on this thing?" Bucky turned to the doctor sitting across from him and Steve.

"Yeah," Bruce nodded standing up and walking towards a drawer in the corner, "Tony stocked this thing before we left.... here."

Bruce handed him the scissors, "thanks," Bucky nodded.

"You're welcome," Bruce tried to smile and walked back to his seat.

"Stay still Stevie...," Bucky whispered and Steve closed his eyes going rigid.

Bucky lifted the scissors to Steve's torn lips. The stitches were sluggishly gushing blood from being pulled on. Some of the holes looked ripped and all of them were red and angry looking. Whoever did this was in a hurry and they were no fucking doctor. This had to have hurt like a bitch and Bucky didn't hear any screams, except his own, down in the cells.

He slowly clipped the strings one at a time and he noticed something when he pulled them free. These weren't in anyway actual medical stitches, they were thread ripped from a fucking rope. They were thick and black threads that where braided to get them to the size they were at. They left eight holes right above Steve's lip lines on top and bottom. 

Bucky wanted to crush all of their skulls in that hellhole.... Who does this to a person?! Steve never deserved any of this!!! 

He clenched his eyes shut and clutched Steve to his chest. It should have been him... he should have been the one in that basement. Again he couldn't help but be angry at Steve's self-sacrifice. Steve never deserved any of this and Bucky should have taken the fall. Bucky was the dark one and Steve was the pure one but now those fuckers damaged him.

Bucky was going to make them all pay and he was going to fix Steve. He was going to make god damned sure of it. They better run while they can because the Winter Soldier is coming for all of them...

"Bucky..?" Steve rasped  out in shock, "where are we...? Why am I covered in blood?"

Steve didn't remember...., "its a long story Steve... you should-," Bucky started.

"No," Steve forced out with a glare, "we had a deal..."

"Oh right... well go ahead..." 

Steve peeled the bloody jacket off of Bucky,and then tried to pull his black long sleeve shirt off as well until Bucky stopped him.

"No. That? That stays on," Bucky didn't want to scare Steve with his metal appendage. 

"I just let you cut ropes out of my lips," Steve growled, "now take off your god damn shirt."

"I said no."

"You're bleeding!"

"So are you!"

"You're covered in gashes!"

"They'll heal Steve! Don't touch that-"

Steve came at him with scissors and cut a hole in his shirt. He dropped the scissors and lunged the hole.

"You're gonna bleed out!" Steve hissed as he tried to get past Bucky's hands.

"No I'm not!"

"That's what people say when they loose too much blood!"

Steve gasped when he hit Bucky's metal arm, "Ow!! You're arm feels like...!" Steve's eyes widened and he faltered, "...metal..."

"Steve don't..-"

Steve gripped the hole with renewed strength and the shirt open, revealing his battle wounds and his... abnormal arm. He breathed in sharply and turned his head to the side, "what have I missed...?"

"Steve..."

"Bucky don't. Just," Steve looked at him with a hard expression, "Dont."

"I'll tell you later Steve..," Bucky whispered pleadingly as he looked at Steve in his lap.

"Fine..," he ground out and proceeded to check the wounds on Bucky's chest.

* * *

Needless to say that they scared the absolute shit out of the doctors, Steve especially. They thought he was a walking coffin with all of his deficiencies and allergies and heart problems.... and lung problems....... and ear problems...... and eye problems......... and.... etc.

Technically he's always had one foot in the grave because the doctors always told him he had limited amount of time to live. They spoke of this so often that by the time Steve was twelve, they stopped listening to it.

They rushed all around Steve and he hated it. Steve never has liked hospitals and it seems that won't ever change. Bucky doesn't know if the long array of medical problems or the seventy years worth of amnesia freaked them out more. 

"The amnesia is probably linked to whatever he was shot with," Bucky suggested.

A doctor nodded, "it probably locked away the serum and the memories. You did say it was targeted at you correct?"

"Yeah."

"Then the aim was probably to disarm you and brainwash you," the doctor spoke looking towards him, "they were probably hoping to weaponize you as well with that gun, but Steve got in the way and he instead got zapped."

"But I wasn't much different before my serum-"

"Exactly and that's why it was meant specifically for you and not him," the doctor motioned towards Steve as his lips were being checked for infection, "they had other methods for him that kept him the same physically and absent mentally. You're easier though so they developed the weapon for you."

"God dammit," Bucky sighed, "I always end up getting him hurt, I should-"

"Shut the fuck up Barnes," Tony spoke as he strode in, "no time for that now."

"No time for what?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Self pity and guilt, it doesn't look good on you."

"Tony I-"

"I've ordered him a pair of hearing aids and specially made glasses following the doctors orders," he interrupted taking the clipboard of Steve's diagnosis and status.

"Tony- Wait what?" Bucky cocked his head to the side in surprise.

"You're like a cat..," Tony muttered, "Anyway, I ordered things for Steve to make recuperating and adjusting to the 21st century."

"Thank you....," he smiled slightly in relief.

"Don't thank me."

"No really... you guys have been great and I've been a little bitch."

"Don't worry you can make it up to us."

"Bucky?" Steve called out looking around.

"He's looking for you," Tony grins and Bucky ducks in the door limping to Steve's side. 

"How are you?" Bucky asked loud enough for him to hear.

"As good as I ever have been...," Steve suddenly narrowed his eyes, "tell me what I've missed now."

"Not until you sleep."

"I won't sleep until you tell me."

"And I'm not telling until you go the fuck to sleep," Bucky crossed his arms and Steve bristled.

"Fine," Steve stood up shakily, "I'll find out answers myself."

Bucky quickly wrapped his arms around Steve's waist and hoisted him back on the hospital bed with a whimper, "no."

Steve slowly looked up at him, "Bucky....?"

"Yeah?" He sighed.

"Have the doctors looked at your wounds yet...?"

"No...-"

"You've been standing around here bleeding?!!" Steve tried to get past him but Bucky held onto him.

"Stop it dumbass!!"

"Doctor!!!" Steve hollered into the empty room and Bucky winced. 

"Steve stop it..." Bucky mumbled and his vision began to grow dark.

"Bucky?" Steve looked at him with wide eyes.

"I'm good...," he mumbled and backwards.

"Bucky!"

He was staring up at the ceiling blinking slowly, he didn't know how he got there, "how...?"

"Bucky, stay awake!" Steve kneeled beside him, "oh god you're bleeding really bad..."

"I'm okay... I'm okay....," he slurred as footsteps thundered towards them.

"This is really bad..."

"It'll heal...."

He blacked out.

* * *

"He never listens," Clint sighed as he looked at Bucky's unconcious body, "look how God damn pale he is now."

"I don't think he knew the extent of his injuries Clint..," Nat murmured.

Bucky was laying in a hospital bed hooked up to various machines and tubes. He was healing at a startling rate but he was in such bad shape that it would take longer than expected. He was in the bed next to Steve's and the two of them were facing each other in sleep.

Steve was in a medically induced sleep because he flipped out when Bucky passed out in a pool of his own blood. Yes, by the time they had reached the two on the floor Bucky was in a pool of his own blood. It was bad and Steve went psychotic when they tried to move him.

So Nat drugged him.

"They really adorable," Tony chuckled to himself.

"This is gonna be fucking hell..." Clint sighed.

"You'll be able to help them, right?" Sam looked over at Clint; he arrived not too long after they put Steve down.

"Yeah."

"I'll help as much as I can but there's stuff I won't be here for and some stuff I have never dealt with before."

"I can help with the amnesia," Tony piped up.

"What?" They all turned heads towards Tony. 

"Did you all think Nat was the only one who could help? I'm gonna help as much as I can," Tony turned away from them, "I'll help them both with technology too... "

"By the way what the hell happened to Bucky's arm?" Clint asked.

"A knife and blood," Nat supplied.

"That's a beautiful image Nat.... this is all gonna suck."

"It'll be worth it," Sam smiled tiredly.

"Maybe Bucky won't sulk all the time once this is done," Nat let a half smile crack through her calm mask.

"I will destroy everything the octopus people ever loved...," Thor grumbled in anger as he watched the unconcious paitents.

"You mean HYDRA?" Tony laughed.

"Yes."

"When did you all get chummy?" Fury growled looking around at them incredulously as be strode in, "you all hated each other last time you were together."

"Hates a strong word," Bruce looked up, he had his eyes plastered to the floor in deep thought.

"You all loathed each other and jumped down each others throat when you got the chance," Fury recalled.

"Are you trying to jinx it?" Tony asked, "because I would've thought you'd be ecstatic about these turn of events... - well as happy as someone like you can get."

"Oh I'm very  _happy_ Stark," Fury rolled his eye," I'm practically leaping with joy..."

"Please don't do that, that's something to give one nightmares," Tony replied dryly.

"How cute Stark," Fury walked to the window to watch Bucky and Steve, "I guess they weren't exaggerating his... smallness...

"110 pounds, 5 feet 7 inches," Bruce nodded.

"And a list of diformities and deficiencies," Clint added, "a long one."

"Why are you even here Nick?" Tony stalked in front of him, "You aren't here for SHIELD because there is no more SHIELD. So why are you here? Shouldn't you be hiding in a hole, hiding from the secrets that were exposed in Nats leak of information?"

"Shouldn't she?" Fury counters.

"This is my hole," she shrugs, "thanks for your concern though." Nat rolled her eyes and turned away from the squabbling adults.

"I'm here to check on my Avengers," Fury sighed.

"Aw you do care," Tony joked, "and here I thought we were just toy soldiers you used when the people couldn't protect themselves."

"I said I'm here to check on the Avengers not get in a stupid ass argument with the likes of you," Fury spit.

"Tony don't antagonize him," Bruce sighed.

* * *

 

_BANG!_

Gun shots rang through Steve's ears and he had to cover them with his hands. He looked around with wide eyes, he was in a war field... bullets rained down around him and humans were dropping like flies.

Had he finally got accepted in the war? That's not possible. He went through at least sixty different recruitment offices and they all declared him not worthy to be a solider...

There's Bucky!! 

Steve whipped his head around to see Bucky crouched down behind a bush with a sniper rifle. He was taking people down left and right... it was like he was built for this. His aim was perfect and he never missed his target....

"Bucky!" he called out but... Bucky didn't even twitch. He called again but it was like no one could see him... 

Suddenly a large man lept over Bucky and barreled down into the line of a fire with a shield. The shield's patriotic colors gleamed in the harsh daylight and small dots of red were littered across its surface. The man himself was something Steve had never seen before...

Bucky hollered something in anger and distress... a tone that Steve himself only ever heard.

The man turned his head for a moment and flashed Bucky a dazzling grin, he then turned and continued what he was doing. The man had golden hair that glittered in the sun, complimented with striking azure eyes and perfect tanned skin. Steve had never seen a man like that before but at the same time.... he looked familiar.

Bucky screamed somethung again and Steve strained to hear.

".....Get your ass back here!!" Bucky hissed, "Steve!!! I'm serious!"

That man's name was Steve...? That's really weird... and very coincidental...- No. That was him! That man is him... just better!

By the time he figured out who the man was, the scenery changed.

He was now standing beside that man again... the man that was the upgraded version of himself. The man was laying on his belly with a gun splayed out in front of him and with his finger on the trigger. His hair was shaved down to his scalp and his once tanned skin looked like it hadn't seen the light in  _years._ His body was rigid and his eyes were frighteningly blank. 

Suddenly he perked up when a family of three came into view and he leaned forward to look through the scope. There was a wife, a husband, and a child hooding hands as they strolled. He tightened his finger around the trigger and pulled.

An earsplitting shot rang through the valley they were in. He had killed the child first... Steve's eyes widened in horror as the blood splattered on the parents and the wife let out a shriek.

"Stop it!!!" Steve screamed at the man and tried to hit him but his fists went through his body. "I said stop it!!!"

Another shot rang out and the woman dropped to her knees with a hole in her throat. She couldn't scream anymore as she scrambled to stop the bleeding. The man was panicking as he reached out and wrapped his hand around the wound.

"Please.... stop it..." Steve slumped to his knees panting heavily and gripping his head, "they don't deserve this..."

The last shot rang out and the man dropped with a bullet in his chest.

"Oh god...." Steve curled up.

"Wow," a man's voice spoke up from behind them, "we need to work on your aim."

The man merely looked over at the source of the voice.

"The Asset should be able to kill with one shot not leave them bleeding to death," the voice chastised.

"The Asset isn't a sniper, Rumlow," the Asset spoke up as he disassembled his weapon.

"How long have you been out of cryofreeze?" Rumlow growled forcefully.

"I'm sure if you ask nicely they'll tell you..."

"Drug him," Rumlow hissed to the doctors beside him and the Asset stood still as they injected a fluid in his neck. "You don't seem so tough now... I bet Bucky would have been a better weapon than you... too bad."

"Don't talk about him..." The Asset slurred.

Steve looked up at the Asset and Rumlow... Where is Bucky? Did he ditch him when he found out about.... Steve looked over at the dead families body's that were being dragged away, probably to make their deaths look like an accident.

"What? Does that hurt your feelings? Poor you," Rumlow smirked as the Asset wavered on his feet from the drugs, "imagine how he would react if he saw you now? Murdering children? Tsk tsk."

"You've done worse..."

"Yes but I don't care and I'm not Captain America."

"I'm not that anymore..."

"You're too defiled now and bloodied... Bucky would be repulsed by you, he-"

The Asset lunged and tackled Rumlow to the ground. All of the soldiers around them scrambled away in terror; this was fight that would kill them if they tried to intervene. 

Rumlow reached up and tried to choke the Asset but instead had his wrist snapped with ease. Rumlow let out a pain filled cry and he pulled his wrist to his chest.

"I told you not to talk about Bucky.." The Asset growled as he jammed his fist into Rumlow's sternum.

Steve heard a wet crunch under the man's fist and Rumlow suddenly spit out blood.

"Not again..." Steve whimpered covering his eyes, "I don't wanna kill anybody..."

The Asset grabbed a handful of Rumlow hair and snapped his head back, "Bucky stays out of all of this..."

"Fuck off.." Rumlow thrashed and aimed for a kick to the Asset's stomach. The Asset deflected it easily and pulled out a knife. "Code Red you idiots!!! Knock him out!!! He's gone rogue!!"

The more brave soldiers tackled the Asset backwards, but not before he sliced the knife across Rumlow's neck. He began to sputtered as he gripped the bleeding wound with fearful eyes. The doctors came and dragged him away quickly.

The Asset was put down like a dog and then dragged by his collar to the black van parked to the side. He was thrown in like a shitty rag doll, of course it took six men to lift the super soldier and move him. The Asset landed with a thump on his side and he didn't move.

"I want to wake up..." Steve whispered with bleary eyes.

The next time he blinked he was in a bar with Bucky. The... Asset was sitting beside Bucky with a goofy smile on his face; he looked as if nothing in the world mattered except for Bucky.

The two of then were sitting around at a circular table with a group of men. They were all laughing and throwing back their drinks. Steve had never seen a group such as this before.

Bucky leaned over to whisper in the Asset's ear, "I love you... I just wanted to say it in case one of us doesn't come back."

The Asset let a soft smile come across his features and turned his head towards Bucky, "I love you too Buck.... but we will come back from this.. I promise you that."

The two grinned at each other widely.

Steve liked this one but... it didn't last long because suddenly he was plunged in a basement. It was dark and wet... Steve had a bad feeling about this one. 

The Asset was curled up on himself in the corner and went rigid when the door flew open.

"You failed us again!!" A German man stalked into the room. He was tall and too skinny... he had dark circles around his eyes and his nose was too pointy. He looked like a racoon..

The racoon man strode up to the Asset and yanked him up by his collar. Slamming him against the wall, "failure is unexceptable...!" The Asset's skull bounced against the solid cement and he was left in a daze.

"Speak!!!"

"I don't want to kill... anyone...," he slurred from the impact.

"It's not your choice anymore!!"

The German man whipped towards his assistants, "fry him..!"

"Please don't...," the Asset whimpered, "I'll be a good boy..."

"You'll be an even better boy without that worthless brain of yours...," the man slapped the Asset to the ground. 

Two large soldiers walked in and picked the unmoving Asset up by his arms and dragged him towards a chair. 

"Please....," the Asset whispered pleadingly.

The soldiers threw him in the chair and the chair clamped the Asset in place and they thrust a rubber mouth piece in his mouth. Manacles clamped onto his arms, wrists and ankles like hands as the chair bent backwards. Suddenly sparks began to bounce off the mechanisms around the Asset's head.

The Asset let out a whine and closed his eyes in defeat. The mechanism jerked and pushed against his temples. The Asset's eyes flew open and his entire body spasmed as he screamed around the rubber in his mouth. 

Steve felt it. He felt the electricity coursing through his veins as if it was happening to him. It hurt... god it hurt...!

* * *

Bucky woke up from the sound of thrashing to the left of him. It was Steve. 

Steve was crying and whimpering in his sleep.

"No...no...no no no... please don't, " Steve choked out shaking his head. His hands were curled into the sheets tightly.

"Steve wake up...," Bucky reached out and suddenly... Steve let out a scream.

"Steve!!!" Bucky yanked out his IV'S and the cords as he rushed to Steve's side. He picked Steve up and clutched him to his chest, "Wake up!!!!"

Steve's went limp in his arms and his head fell back.

"Come on wake up Steve!"

Steve gasped as he woke up and wearily lifted his head to look at Bucky. He watched for a second and tears ran down his cheeks. He threw his arms around Bucky's neck.

"I-I don't know what happened," Steve cried against his neck as he hid his face, "So much blood...a-and... electricity... everything hurts Bucky..." he was hiccuping as he spoke.

Bucky swallowed harshly... Steve was probably dreaming about his past... 

The doctors and the rest of the Avengers filed into the room in worry. Bucky quickly waved them off behind Steve's back; Steve wouldn't want an audience.

"That man kill-... That was all me w-wasn't it..?" Steve whispered brokenly as he trembled in Bucky's grip.

"Steve..."

"I'm a murder...," Steve choked out.


	14. XIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's adjusting to the tower and his new memories. The Avengers adjust to him.

Two weeks after that, they were released onto Bucky's floor of the tower with conditions....

**_One, more cameras were to be added within the floor in case something happened._ **

**_Two, Steve would have to have someone with him at all times (Bucky would mostly be it)_ **

**_Three, if anything fishy starts happening with Steve they were to shove him in Bruce's 'Hulk Time Out Chamber' (cleverly named by Tony)_ **

**_Four, Steve would have three check ups a week (much to Bucky and Steve's displeasure) with Bruce to keep an eye out for anything unusal._ **

**_Five, if and when Steve changes back they were to quickly knock him out and lock in him the chamber and wait until they thought of something else._ **

As of now through group were all situated on Bucky's floor as Steve slept in his bed. Bruce gave him some sedatives to make the transition easier on all of them, Steve's been... off after that day in the med bay.

"I will warn you," Bucky looked them all in the eye seriously," I trust you all with my life- but if I find out any of you reported Steve to whatever association you're apart of... I will take him and run. Trust me when I say this, when I don't want to be found I won't be..."

"Bucky...," Bruce sighed.

"I'm serious. I just thought it'd be nice of me to give you a heads up in case one day the two of us are gone."

"Well let's just hope it doesn't come to that," Tony spoke with a grin and clapped Bucky on his robot-side and his grin faltered when he brought his hand back. "I forgot about the metal," he whispered in pain as everyone laughed.

"So about the watchers...," Nat began, "Steve doesn't like any of us, sans Bucky but that's a given."

"It's not that Steve doesn't like you," Bucky admitted, "he's got really bad trust issues and what he's going through now is only making it worse. From what he's told me: Clint's obnoxious, Bruce is kind, Tony is.... hard to look at, Thor is confusing, Sam is nice, and Nat's..... intriguing..?"

"Hard to look at?" Tony huffed.

"He's got bad memories of something that involves something Stark... He won't tell me, so I don't exactly know. I just know it's pretty damn bad."

"I'm obnoxious," Clint laughed to himself where he was perched on the arm of the couch as Nat nodded to herself about her description.

"Now that we know what he thinks about us, how likely is to letting us near him to help?" Bruce wondered.

"Tony is a definite no," Sam spoke up, "So that means you're on survaliance duty until we can convince him otherwise."

"I guess that's acceptable," Tony grumbled.

"Bruce and Sam are probably, as of now, the ones that will be able to get close without Steve freaking out," Bucky admitted, "Nat and Clint can probably walk in accompanied by Bruce or Sam until he warms up to them. Steve will probably warm up to Nat pretty fast though."

"And me?" Thor asked.

"He doesn't seem to outright have any feelings towards you, positive or negative, so I think it's safe for you to come in as long as I'm in there," Bucky suddenly straightened up," I know I'm preaching to the choir, but don't corner him. He didn't ever like that but now? I'm sure his response is twenty times worse."

"So you're just gonna sit in there 24/7 and watch him like a hawk?" Nat asked incredulously.

"Yes," Bucky admitted, "it's not the first time and it sure as hell won't be the last."

"That isn't healthy man," Clint spoke up, "take it from someone like me, you-"

"As much as I value your opinions on a day to day basis," Bucky sighed, "this isn't up for debate. Steve needs me and I'll be there until he tells me I can't."

"Fine," Clint nodded as Bucky quietly slipped into his own room to check on Steve.

"He's gonna run himself to death," Nat observed.

"Well at least it won't take as long with that serum pumping through his veins," Tony crossed his arms.

"True," Bruce agreed, "Normal people would be 'ran down' within a few days especially living the way we do but Bucky? He'll probably have a few weeks, two at most, before he passes out from lack of eating or sleeping or drinking."

"He may not, he seems smart enough to cater to his needs," Thor disagreed in confusion.

"Bucky is the type to completely forget about himself on favor of Steve," Nat explained, "at this time he'd be more likely to bring Steve food instead of eat himself, he'll watch Steve sleep instead of getting some himself, and he'll bring Steve a glass of water he wishes instead of quenching his own thirst. Does that make sense?"

Thor nodded sadly.

"Bucky's like a dog," Tony concluded, "loyal to a fault."

"Exactly," Bruce sighed, "which is why you'll be watching Bucky and Steve as they heal. You'll be watching for self-neglect on Bucky's end and aggression on Steve's part."

"Got it," Tony nodded and walked to the elevator, "I'll get started now."

"Do you realize how ironic that is?" Clint asked, "making the man known for self-neglect watch for it in another? Tony's the poster boy for self-neglect."

"Which is why it's perfect, " Nat piped in, "he'll know all the signs by heart and will be able to stop something before it gets worse. He's the best person for it."

"Smart," Clint grinned.

"I have been called that on occasion," Bruce teased with a chuckle.

"So are you gonna stay?" Nat looked towards Sam.

"Hell yeah I am," Sam nodded from his spot leaning against the wall, "Bucky wants me here on his level to help with Steve."

"Tony did make these levels way too big for one person.." Nat nodded.

"Which is why I stay in my lab," Bruce shrugged.

"And why I stay in Nat's," Clint admitted.

"Or I stay in Clint's, " Nat leaned back in the chair she was sitting in, "we don't particularly like the silence, we've heard too much of it from our years with SHIELD."

"Oh I get it," Sam nodded, "since I don't live near any of my buddies I just leave the TV on whenever I'm home to keep the silence away."

* * *

Steve was awake when Bucky arrived, he was propped up against the wall behind the bed. He was curled in on himself with his arms wrapped around his knees and his head hidden from view.

"Hey buddy," Bucky smiled sadly as he approached the bed.

"Hey Buck..." Steve whispered lifting up his head slowly, the drugs were still coursing through him was obvious through the glazed look in the azure eyes.

"How ya feeling..?" The bed dipped as Bucky sat at Steve's feet.

"Slow..."

"Slow?"

"I can feel the drugs Buck... dont think 'm stupid," he slurred quietly.

"Pfft, I thought I took all the stupid with me," Bucky grinned and Steve let a smile slowly spread across his broken lips and winced. "How're your lips..?"

"They hurt like a bitch..." Steve admitted and rose a shaky hand up to touch them until Bucky grabbed his wrist.

"You'll aggravate them," he explained softly, "we need to let them heal Stevie... so no touchy..."

"Do they look...bad?"

"They ain't pretty but no... they don't look bad," Bucky soothed a hand down Steve's golden hair softly and Steve closed his eyes.

The lips really didn't look bad but like he said they weren't pretty... the tiny holes (that were still intact) were bright red but that was about it. The broken ones were a whole other story. They had to glue those parts together because before you could see Steve's teeth... with his mouth closed. It all just was fucking painful to look at and Bucky just felt angry.

Those bastards would  _pay._

They wanted a ruthless perfect soldier, they'll get one...

Bucky softly pulled Steve to his chest and wrapped his arms around him, "you're cold Stevie..."

"The blankets tried to choke me..." he whispered against Bucky's chest.

Nightmares....

* * *

 

"What are they doing?" Clint asked in Tony's ear.

"The same thing they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago," Tony sighed rubbing his face.

"Which is?"

"Damn it Clint!" Tony snapped and Clint laughed, "they're sleeping!"

It's been a couple of days now since the in tial transfer and Steve's.... better. He still refuses to see Tony and Clint pisses him off. He adores Sam and Thor and he admires Nat. He has mixed feelings about Bruce, he's nice and everything but he's also his doctor. Steve really abhors doctors and he tries to not let that poison their relationship, because Bruce is a great man.

"Wait they're moving!" Clint pointed out.

"Restless sleepers," Tony explained but stopped once the two soldiers began getting out of the bed, "or not..."

"Do you think they'll actually socialize?" 

"What do you think Clint?" Tony rolled his eyes but that day was apparently full of surprises.

Steve and Bucky actually did stay and socialize as they ate breakfast. Bucky shared his plate with Steve for reasons unknown... except Sam knew and it pissed off Tony. He doesn't like not being 'in the know' and he thinks Nat feels the same way.

"So we've heard stories about you when you were younger," Bruce looked at Steve, "what was Bucky like?"

"Annoying," Steve grunted and Bucky huffed in annoyance, Steve let a grin slip on his lips.

"I was not," Bucky argued.

"From what I can tell he still is," Steve laughed quietly looking at them through his new glasses, "Bucky was kind of like a fly who just wouldn't go away."

They all laughed, except Bucky who crossed his arms.

"I couldn't stand him at first," Steve continued, "he was too pushy and he acted like my mother. He complained about my 'reckless behavior' and when I wanted to be alone he was right there. But he was also there when people ganged up on me in a dark alley, or when I got sick and almost died, and when my mother died, and he worked his ass off to pay for whatever was wrong with me at the time. And I wasn't cheap. He'd go days without eating just to make sure I did and I wasn't any help.

I couldn't get a job and if I did somehow manage to get one? I lost it almost immediately because I had gotten sick again. He worked his ass off and then came home each night and pulled me out of fights. When he couldn't, he bandaged me. When I was sick, he made sure I had everything I needed and he more. He's a great man."

"Wow," Clint fake sniffed, "I'm tearing up... ow!" Nat had kicked him under the table.

"Well I'm glad you think so highly of me Stevie," Bucky grinned and Steve blushed.

"Don't let it get to your head ya jerk," Steve averted his eyes.

Tony ate in the kitchen to make sure he didn't make Steve uncomfortable. Despite what others might think, Tony's not an asshole. He's only an asshole to people who deserve it or piss him off and little Steve hasn't done either. So he munches away at his egg sandwich as the others converse in the other room; he doesn't suspect this will happen for much longer but he'll do what he has to to keep Steve comfortable.

Soon the shared breakfast (Bruce, Nat, Clint, Steve, and Bucky) was practically over and the others began clearing out. Quickly it just left Bucky and Steve at the table and Tony in the kitchen sipping on a glass of milk as he surfed through new upgrades for Bucky's arm. Gotta keep it in good shape.

"I'm gonna go put these plates up, alright?" Bucky spoke gently near the new hearing aid in Steve's left ear.

"Alright," Steve was too tired to put up much of a fight. Any other day he'd demand to help with the dishes but not today. Just not today..

Bucky got up and left to the kitchen.

"How's he doing?" Tony asked peaking out at the blond.

"Probably as good as he can be right now," Bucky sighed as he washed off the dishes.

"That's expected, but...," Tony trailed off and looked to Bucky.

"But what?" He crossed his arms.

"I was expecting more..... for a lack of a better word.. drama."

"Drama?" Bucky narrowed his eyes and Tony shook his hands.

"No no no! That's not what I mean! What I mean is I was expecting more of a hard time I guess," Tony rubbed his face thinking. He preferred machines better, he knew them. People? He didn't know shit about. "I was thinking Steve wasn't really gonna agree well with his surroundings and lash out, I think. I just think this is  _too easy._ Please don't take that the wrong way, I'm rambling aren't I?"

"Just a bit," Bucky chuckle, "but I understand. I kind of was expecting something horrendous too, other than nightmares."

"I-" Tony started when suddenly a loud shatter was heard behind them, "I guess I spoke too soon?"

Bucky quickly ran in the room to find Steve hunched over with wide eyes and blood dripping from his left hand. He was panting harshly and completely rigid.

"Steve...?" Bucky called out and Steve didn't even twitched. He could see the tension building under his skeleton-like body. 

Clint and Nat slipped into view, watching to make sure everything was under control. Bucky waved them off but they didn't leave.

"Steve?" He tried again as he walked closer. He heard Steve mumbling something quietly to himself.

 _"Don't... please don't... hide.... take me away... don't let then hurt me... blood... so much blood.... murderer.... killer..._   **Asset** ," Steve snapped at the last word and flung a chair towards the two ex-assassins with strength nobody his size should have. His eyes had dulled and face became dangerously dull.

"This is unusual!" Clint called out as they blocked the airborne furniture.

"You're not helping!" Bucky ground out as he avoided a vase and suddenly got am armful of Steve. The man had thrown himself in Bucky's arms and they both fell backwards with Steve's hands around Bucky's neck. 

"Bucky!" Bruce rounded the corner quickly looking slightly green and Bucky waved them all off. He had this. They all froze and wait for when shit really hit the fan.

"Steve you aren't an Asset," he wheezed out against the bony fingers, "you're my friend.."

"You're my mission," Steve growled out and Bucky could feel the blood and pieces of glass sticking out of his palm against his throat.

"Fine...," he coughed and dropped his hands, "then finish it Steve.." he could see the darkness dampening his vision and his friends twitching to intervene.

Steve squeezed harder until suddenly the hands disappeared and Bucky gasped for breath. 

"I'm so sorry Buck," he whimpered and hid his face, "this is really hard... I heard the voices and.. I couldn't stop..."

"Please don't apologize.. it's not your fault."

* * *

"I guess this means whatever zapped him is wearing off," Bruce pondered out loud.

The group was all sitting in the living room on Tony's floor, minus Steve and Bucky. After the whole thing Steve passed out from over use, the strength completely drained him, and Bucky carried him to the room. Bucky's face was hardened and he gripped Steve's body close to his chest. They probably won't be seeing them until morning so for now? They gossip like the grownups they pretend to be.

"Did you see how easily he threw the furniture around?" Clint asked in awe.

"Did you see how easily he threw  _Bucky_ around?! That serum really pumped him up," Tony spoke in disbelief.

"Why didn't he let us help him?" Thor asked in confusion.

"So we wouldn't hurt him," Bruce replied.

"Why?" Thor furrowed his eyebrows.

"It's so we wouldn't hurt Steve, not Bucky, Thor," Nat corrected, "Bucky doesn't want anyone to hurt, I'm surprised he even let's us near him, Steve. Even himself. That bastard could have died."

"Remember what we said? Loyal," Clint rolled his eyes," I bet that sonofabitch was thinking 'if I'm going to die might as well die by his hands'."

"That's exactly what I was thinking," Bucky suddenly spoke up from behind them and they all tensed.

"Buddy...," Tony grinned tensely knowing what that frown meant on Bucky's face.

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you guys ever wanna chat about anything Marvel or DC related, or if you have any questions, feel free to follow me at my tumblr [Greed69](Http://greed69.tumblr.com)


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